Welcome to Week Four
Kindness: How and Why?
Hi and Welcome to the fourth week of 'Worry to Wonder'. Last week we deepened our understanding of meditation. I hope you have continued to enjoy putting all 3 practices into practice and promoting your happiness, peace of mind and confidence Your job again this week and beyond is to keep going with all three practices. This week we will deepen our understanding of kindness. .Developing a kindness practice is one of the three foundational practices which are guaranteed to help you take control of creating the causes for your contentment, confidence and peace of mind. Lets learn some more about it.
REMEMBER to keep doing all 3 practices - Gratitude, Meditation and Kindness and continue record them in your Workbook each day this week and beyond.
REMEMBER to keep doing all 3 practices - Gratitude, Meditation and Kindness and continue record them in your Workbook each day this week and beyond.
Kindness; All Day
Research tells us the areas of the brain which respond with pleasure to monetary rewards and chocolate are also stimulated when we show kindness to others. It is when we are mindfully kind, grateful and compassionate that we experience true happiness.
We are all doing kind, generous things for each other all day but we often don’t stop to notice them. It is helpful to bring mindful awareness to these times, no matter how small. For example, a smile can totally change someone’s day for the better. It is also helpful to notice the kindness of others. Especially fun and powerful are those times you do anonymous kind things; this takes the self-interest out of your actions. Sometimes appearances can be deceptive. For example, as a parent we can say “No” to our children in a very strong and firm voice, with the kind intention of helping them prevent harm, to themselves or others. Our kind intention is what matters.
We are all interdependent and connected. Interdependence allows for every situation and person to provide the opportunity to practice kindness. Practicing kindness to others helps you form a positive, happy perception of yourself. You can, therefore, be grateful to others for this opportunity. The secret of your own happiness lies in our efforts to bring happiness to others. Whether others can be helped by our kindness to them is up to them. If they have created the causes to be helped by you they will be able to benefit, if not they won’t. It is important that you continue to do your best to be kind despite this and rest in your kind intention when things do not appear to go as expected.
Kindness to others will always result in you experiencing kindness and the reverse. That is how causality works. However, sometimes we are fooled when we do something kind for another person and immediately something unkind happens to us. For example we might genuinely give someone a compliment and they may respond by getting upset with us. The fact that we did a kind thing such as give them a compliment will result in us experiencing future kindness, but maybe not immediately. Our experience of their unkindness towards us is coming from a past unkindness on our behalf. These two events are not linked. Remember to mind the causality time gap.
Sometimes we get the idea that focusing on our strengths or kind actions is prideful, which it can be, if we are feeling better than others about being kind. However, if we remember that we are doing our best to be better for others, not better than others, we negate this unhelpful tendency.
Kindness to all includes kindness to YOU. It is equally important to be kind to yourself as well as others. It can be as simple as treating yourself as you want others to treat you. That is with respect, understanding, love and compassion. We often unconsciously treat ourselves unkindly. We judge, criticize, belittle and are unforgiving toward ourselves, despite being a kind friend to others. Often we are not aware of how these unkind thought habits and negative self talk run our lives and undermine our confidence and peace of mind.
We mistakenly believe that feeling good about our lives and who we are is dependent on what we achieve, or what others think of us. This misunderstanding of where our confidence comes from often causes us to be very harsh on ourselves when we fail and meet certain outcomes, like a particular weight, wage, job, grade or skill level or when others are not approving of us. The truth is that others and external things do not have the ability to make us feel good about ourselves (or bad about ourselves either).
Our confidence and feelings of self worth are perceptions that come from within. It may be destabilizing to realize this as we have been so used to looking for confidence in outside achievements and approval from others. However taking this responsibility gives us the freedom to create and protect this confident perception ourselves. Fortunately this is very simple to do. All you need is to make the commitment to treat yourself with kindness too. Treat yourself as you would want others to treat you - with respect, love, understanding and compassion. Being kind both to others and yourself creates a happy confident you.
Practicing kindness is an effective way to find meaning in our lives. It is when we focus on the strengths and talents we all have, and how we can best use these to be of benefit to others, that we find true happiness and meaning in our lives. It does not matter what we do. We can serve in a bakery, sell clothes or be a doctor. As long as it is with this attitude of connecting with and benefiting others, whatever we do we can’t go wrong. When we have this ‘what can I do for you?’ or ‘service’ attitude instead of the ‘what about me?’ or ‘sales’ mentality, true happiness is guaranteed.
You can’t be worried about yourself and concerned about helping others at the same time. Choose to focus on others. This is an instant fix for worry and stress. The secret of your own true happiness lies in benefiting and bringing happiness to others. Get involved with helping someone else and worry and stress about yourself will magically disappear and you will feel great.
Kindness Bottom Line
- Accept imperfection. Perfection is an impossible goal for anyone. Mistakes are how we learn.
- Rest in doing your best. Rather than focusing on the outcome rest in the intention you have done your best.
- Resist the temptation to judge yourself or others, this is never helpful
We are all doing kind, generous things for each other all day but we often don’t stop to notice them. It is helpful to bring mindful awareness to these times, no matter how small. For example, a smile can totally change someone’s day for the better. It is also helpful to notice the kindness of others. Especially fun and powerful are those times you do anonymous kind things; this takes the self-interest out of your actions. Sometimes appearances can be deceptive. For example, as a parent we can say “No” to our children in a very strong and firm voice, with the kind intention of helping them prevent harm, to themselves or others. Our kind intention is what matters.
We are all interdependent and connected. Interdependence allows for every situation and person to provide the opportunity to practice kindness. Practicing kindness to others helps you form a positive, happy perception of yourself. You can, therefore, be grateful to others for this opportunity. The secret of your own happiness lies in our efforts to bring happiness to others. Whether others can be helped by our kindness to them is up to them. If they have created the causes to be helped by you they will be able to benefit, if not they won’t. It is important that you continue to do your best to be kind despite this and rest in your kind intention when things do not appear to go as expected.
Kindness to others will always result in you experiencing kindness and the reverse. That is how causality works. However, sometimes we are fooled when we do something kind for another person and immediately something unkind happens to us. For example we might genuinely give someone a compliment and they may respond by getting upset with us. The fact that we did a kind thing such as give them a compliment will result in us experiencing future kindness, but maybe not immediately. Our experience of their unkindness towards us is coming from a past unkindness on our behalf. These two events are not linked. Remember to mind the causality time gap.
Sometimes we get the idea that focusing on our strengths or kind actions is prideful, which it can be, if we are feeling better than others about being kind. However, if we remember that we are doing our best to be better for others, not better than others, we negate this unhelpful tendency.
Kindness to all includes kindness to YOU. It is equally important to be kind to yourself as well as others. It can be as simple as treating yourself as you want others to treat you. That is with respect, understanding, love and compassion. We often unconsciously treat ourselves unkindly. We judge, criticize, belittle and are unforgiving toward ourselves, despite being a kind friend to others. Often we are not aware of how these unkind thought habits and negative self talk run our lives and undermine our confidence and peace of mind.
We mistakenly believe that feeling good about our lives and who we are is dependent on what we achieve, or what others think of us. This misunderstanding of where our confidence comes from often causes us to be very harsh on ourselves when we fail and meet certain outcomes, like a particular weight, wage, job, grade or skill level or when others are not approving of us. The truth is that others and external things do not have the ability to make us feel good about ourselves (or bad about ourselves either).
Our confidence and feelings of self worth are perceptions that come from within. It may be destabilizing to realize this as we have been so used to looking for confidence in outside achievements and approval from others. However taking this responsibility gives us the freedom to create and protect this confident perception ourselves. Fortunately this is very simple to do. All you need is to make the commitment to treat yourself with kindness too. Treat yourself as you would want others to treat you - with respect, love, understanding and compassion. Being kind both to others and yourself creates a happy confident you.
Practicing kindness is an effective way to find meaning in our lives. It is when we focus on the strengths and talents we all have, and how we can best use these to be of benefit to others, that we find true happiness and meaning in our lives. It does not matter what we do. We can serve in a bakery, sell clothes or be a doctor. As long as it is with this attitude of connecting with and benefiting others, whatever we do we can’t go wrong. When we have this ‘what can I do for you?’ or ‘service’ attitude instead of the ‘what about me?’ or ‘sales’ mentality, true happiness is guaranteed.
You can’t be worried about yourself and concerned about helping others at the same time. Choose to focus on others. This is an instant fix for worry and stress. The secret of your own true happiness lies in benefiting and bringing happiness to others. Get involved with helping someone else and worry and stress about yourself will magically disappear and you will feel great.
Kindness Bottom Line
- It is when you are mindfully kind and focus on your strengths and how you can use these to benefit others that you will find true happiness and meaning in your life
- Kind acts, no matter how small promote a positive, happy self-perception. Anonymous kind acts are especially powerful and fun
- Kindness to all includes kindness to YOU. It is equally important to be kind to yourself as well as others. Unkind thought habits about yourself undermine your confidence and peace of mind
- Make a commitment to treat yourself as you would want others to treat you - with kindness, respect, love, understanding and compassion
- Accept imperfection. Perfection is an impossible goal for anyone. Mistakes are how we learn.
- Rest in doing your best. Rather than focusing on the outcome rest in the intention you have done your best.
- Resist the temptation to judge yourself or others, this is never helpful
- The secret of your own true happiness lies in benefiting and bringing happiness to others. Get involved with helping someone else and watch your worry and stress about yourself magically disappear. You will feel great
The bottom line is to remember to practice non-harm to yourself and others. Treat yourself and others as you would a friend - with kindness, respect, love, understanding, forgiveness and compassion. This creates a happy confident you and others benefit too. We can be kind to ourselves by
Being aware of how you treat yourself and others unkindly helps you to stop these harmful habits and allows you to promote your confidence and happiness. The ‘3-Breaths’ is a great way to remember to be aware and stop being unkind. It promotes kindness to ourselves and others.
Things to do this week
1. Read
- The above notes on kindness. What are your thoughts? What resonates with you? Write about it in your Workbook this week
- Be mindful of unkind thought patterns and do the '3-Breaths' practice to break the unkind habit.
- Notice all the ways in which you are being kind to others, no matter how small. Feel pleased about this. Also notice the kindness of others and be grateful
- At the end of each day review the day and bring to mind all the ways you were a kind positive force in the world. All those ways you used your talents and skills to be of benefit to others. Record these kind acts in your Workbook and feel happy about them.
- Also bring to mind the kindness of others and feel happy about all the amazing people in the world, including you. This makes us happy, others happy and creates a positive upward spiral.
- Go to bed content, joyfully remembering all the things you are doing to be better for others, to live up to your ideals and be a positive force in the world.
5. Email Maree maree@pom-melbourne.com with any questions or to tell me how you are going
Congratulations you have completed the course and established 3 new helpful ways to be. Thank You so much for sharing this course with me. Have fun continuing to practice gratitude, meditation and kindness. Integrate them into who you are - a happier, more confident and peaceful you.
Some ways to treat yourself and others kindly are explored in the "The Kind Life' POM Course. This Course explores a three pronged approach to kindness and includes kindness to others, ourselves and at the wider community. Keep a look out on the pom-melbourne website
I will look forward to hearing from you and I would love to connect with you again. Please stay in touch
Kind regards and Best wishes
Maree xx
Some ways to treat yourself and others kindly are explored in the "The Kind Life' POM Course. This Course explores a three pronged approach to kindness and includes kindness to others, ourselves and at the wider community. Keep a look out on the pom-melbourne website
I will look forward to hearing from you and I would love to connect with you again. Please stay in touch
Kind regards and Best wishes
Maree xx