A Confidence Wobble Up

​Do you ever have a confidence wobble up and start to doubt and question your ability in all sorts of things? I have been doing this about writing this blog as I ask myself why I am doing it, with thoughts of doubt, criticism, unrealistic expectations and seeking approval from others (and not getting it!)

I have been noticing this confidence wobble up in others too with doubts around my ability to do a job, write an essay, and keep up with job demands. I am taking this as a sure sign I need to remind myself of a few helpful things related to where my confidence and happiness comes from. I have written many blogs with such themes knitted into them. I find it so helpful to remind myself through these blogs and maybe you do too.  

Low self confidence and pride are two sides of the same coin. They both involve concern about myself! Low self confidence is when I see myself as lacking or less than others and pride is when I see myself as better than others, or as my mother would say 'too big for my boots!' So, given that both are untrue, unhelpful ways to think and certainly not happiness or confidence building, how do I balance things out here? One thing that really helps me is to remember 

• I am doing my best to be better for others rather than better than others

So remembering that I am doing my best to write this blog, not to be the best blog writer around, or even have others read it, agree with me or find it useful. I can't control that!  It's equally unhelpful for me to consider giving up on this blog because it's not good enough, is unhelpful or that I don't have anything valuable to share. 

Both these intentions are about me! I find a more helpful way to rethink is 'I am doing my best to write this blog to be better for others, to remind myself and share what has been extremely helpful for me and may be of use to others. This other orientated pivot where I ask myself 'what is best for others?' always helps me to get over pride and low self esteem - both of which as I said are about me! So the answer - write this blog!

For me there are two key component that are necessary for my happiness and confidence. They are simply kindness and gratitude. Kindness to myself and of course to others too, and gratitude for myself, my wonderful life and all those in it. When I forget kindness and gratitude I find myself in an unhappy place with a confidence wobble up. 

So, what are some ways to be kind and grateful to myself and others too.? What things promote my confidence and happiness in order  for me to be better for others and more available to them, because I am not so caught up in worry about myself.
Remembering to be kind,  by...
1.  Letting Go of Worry About Myself

• Watch those negative, self-critical thoughts and replace them with kind, positive, encouraging ones 
• Let go of unrealistic expectations, like getting this blog perfect or including everything and instead do my best to simply share what has helped me 
• Stop comparing myself to others - we all have skills and talents that are unique and we have no need to compare ourselves to others. Underneath we all have the same 'basic goodness' that is obscured by those different 'cloud habits'. 
• Drop the judgment of myself and others. We are all dong our best  with what we know at the time.
• Remembering - There are plenty of people who think you are awesome. Yes, you reading this and me too! And they are not wrong! 
• Approving of myself - give myself the approval you need - 'I am doing my best, which is pretty awesome'. - and don't seek approval outside of myself. I can only see others' approval of me if I first approve of myself 
• Respect myself - I can respect myself and value the contribution I am making 
• Be grateful for all the efforts I am making to be 'better for others'. And equally grateful to for the opportunities others give me to do this too. 

2.  Make it About Concern for Others 

• The secret of my own happiness lies in doing my best to make others happy. Whether they can be helped by me or not is not in my control but, seeing myself do my best to help, is the most helpful thing I can do for myself and others too.
• So who needs my support, encouragement and kindness? I can do this for both myself and others too.
• At times it may appear overwhelming when we think about all those in need. One thing that helps me when I feel overwhelmed is to remember 'Peace Begins with me' and 'Act local and think global'. So there have been people who pop up in my week, including myself and I have done my best to show them kindness. 
• Kindness does not have to be big or expensive - it can be as simple as a kind word or smile. I am constantly reminded we all seek connection with others and kindness is such a wonderful way to connect.  

So it is with confidence I share in this blog the teachings I value and am grateful to have received and put into practice to change my life for the better. Trust you find them helpful too. 

Have a great week. Thank you all  
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​