Accepting and Asking For Others' Help

​Do you ever 'shut down' another's generosity by refusing their help? Or equally unhelpfully do you have difficulty asking others for help? I have a tendency to both of these things, out of ignorantly believing it is important to be 'independent'.

The truth is that we are all interdependent and cannot survive a second without the kindness of others in all areas of our lives. In some circumstances it is helpful to take responsibility for doing things ourselves. At other times, refusing to accept help denies others the opportunity to feel good about themselves, and denies ourselves the opportunity to be grateful for their help.

Just the other day, I watched a woman board a tram with a small wheelie case. She had carried the case from the curb and appeared able to lift it onto the tram. A kind man intervened and asked her if he could help by lifting the case onto the tram for her. The woman graciously accepted the kind offer. I could see they were both happy about the outcome. This opportunity for a mutual feel good moment would have been denied if the woman had said, "No, thanks I don't need your help".
 
As I have been preparing for our road trip I have watched my mind go to that unhelpful spot of of martyrdom and  resentment many times. Time for me to reread the 'From Resentment to Joy - I'll Do it Myself Little Red Hen' blog post which explores the idea of refusing to ask for help, as well as, what to do when we ask for assistance and others are unavailable.

When I am  reluctant to ask for help, I find it useful to be aware of how unhelpful that stubborn habit can be. This refusal can lead to feelings of martyrdom, resentment and being an 'unhappy camper'  as well as denying others the opportunity and joy of helping. 

While it can be tricky to ask for help in the first place, it can be even trickier when we ask for help and others are unavailable to assist. We can feel like the 'little red hen' and decide to do it ourselves, as I did when the chicken coup needed rebuilding. However it is very useful to remember Gandhi's wise words here. He reminds us "Service which is rendered without joy neither helps the servant nor the served. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy".

We have a choice when something needs to be done.

• When someone is offering us help we can choose to freely accept their help graciously, gratefully and joyfully
• When we ask for help and if no one is available to assist, we can choose to accept the situation and do it ourselves with joy, or unhelpfully choose to be resentful, unhappy and judgmental.

It is good to gratefully accept help when it is offered and  give others the opportunity to help.It is also important to let go of expectation and judgment of others efforts to help and also their availability to help us when we ask. I have often asked for help with unrealistic expectations and ingratitude towards others, leaving us all without much joy. It may be helpful to explain to the person clearly how you want them to assist you when asking for help. 

I find it helpful to remember when asking for generosity, to ask without expectation. Often when we ask for help we have the expectation of receiving it, often right away and to a certain standard!! Like everything we do, our intention behind our actions is what counts. While it is helpful to ask for assistance when needed it is best for our own minds if we can ask freely without expectation, especially unrealistic demanding ones. .   

The  pom-melbourne website is revamped!  Yay and many thanks to the generosity of Sam, Tara Alice, Tenzin Lekdron, Sashi and all of you.   

I hope you all enjoyed a Happy Easter. The next blog is on 'Being Generosity to Ourselves', so I have decided to put it into action and have a weeks break next week and connect with where I am. Have a great 2 weeks ahead. I look forward to connecting with you the week after next. 

Many thanks, kind regards and very best wishes 
Maree xx
 
Thank you all for your continued support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​