Another Gift From Our Friend Stress

​Hope you have a friendlier relationship with stress following last weeks blog post. Have you had a play with the Stress A & B and been aware of the stress response kicking in with the pounding heart and increased breath rate and used it as a reminder to come into the present with those 3 deep breaths?  Hope it has helped.

As we discussed last week you may need to repeat these steps a few times, and often.  With practice, they will be very useful in helping you use the friendly stress response constructively to bring courage and joy.  

Last blog we explored how stress is activated when we think a thought of separation or worry.  When we see stress as our friend it can help us 

• Energise, focus and come to the present.  
• Connect to other.  Another helpful gift the stress response brings us, is a nudge to connect to others. 

​
How stress can help us connect?

When we experience the stress response, the neurotransmitter oxytocin is released to...

• Motivate us to seek support or to offer it to others.  
• Act on our body to protect and strengthen our cardiovascular system. 

So our stress response has an inbuilt human connection mechanism, for stress resilience.  

Further studies have shown that, caring for and connecting to others 

• Protects us against the adverse health effects of major stress.  
• Can transform our experience of stress. 
•  Creates resilience and courage, as a response to stress  

Wow, I just had an opportunity to practice this.  Someone I know, who is currently got lots on, just said to me "I'm so stressed, I have so much to do, I can't do it, what should I do?"  She acted on her oxytocin nudge, to connect for help.  Yay, What can I do to help?  I can share some of this helpful information and anything else that is needed.  Maybe a hug, some encouragement, a cup of tea or offer of assistance might help too.   

So lets add the C & D to our A & B with this new gift from our friend stress.  

Stress A, B, C & D
A.  AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my friend stress here to help 

B.  BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present. 
B.  BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts. (more on this next blog)
C.  CONNECT with yourself and others kindly, from that wise spot

• Be that kind encouraging friend.  Oxytocin is there to give you a nudge to connect to yourself and others - to reach out to others for help and to help them. 

D.  DO - Do your best, to do what presents to do from that wise connected spot.

Instead of being stressed you might want to..............

Connecting to yourself - on the spot 

• A & B - Breathe - do the 3 breaths over again and again if necessary
• Put your hand on your heart 
• Give yourself or others a smile
• Don't believe those worry thoughts - they are untrue
• Replace those negative thoughts with encouraging ones like - I am doing my best, we all make mistakes, or I will give it my best shot
• Think about what you are grateful for and give thanks

Connecting to others for support

• Ask for some help, or see if someone needs your assistance.  
• Send someone a kind, encouraging text, thought or message
• Think about what someone you admire would do in this situation and do that ​

Connecting to others to support them 

• Take the dog for a walk 
• Give reassurance to those who are concerned about you - reassure them you are doing your best, give them a smile and express your gratitude to them 
• Help someone else who is having difficulty and is stressed. A friend of mine attributes his great VCE results, especially in maths, to setting himself up as the class tutor and helping his friends who were having difficulties.  
• Do your best to get your 'stressed self' out of the way and focus to do what needs to be done for others - your teachers, family and friends and all those who have supported you along the way, those examiners that need to mark your paper, the person who needs to interview you, the client that needs the job done.  How can you help them?   
• So remember, stress is a friend who has come to remind you to use its energy to be Aware, Breathe back to the present, not believe untrue thoughts, connect with kindness to ourselves and others and Do what need to be done from that kind, wise spot 

Other things that might be useful 

• Get organised and tidy your work space - always feel better to declutter
• Do the 5 minutes lie down, relax an breathe exercise each day
• Have a warm bath or shower  
• When you find it difficult to motivate yourself to do what you know, would be best to do, make a plan to sit down and do the task for ten minutes. Usually this helps us get over the hump of getting started, if you are having trouble with motivation.
• Go for a walk in nature 
• Unplug yourself, as Anne Lamott suggests - " Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you".  

Stress is not inevitably harmful - we can transform it by........
1.  How we think about it.  
When we choose to view our stress as helpful we can create the biology of courage and joy 
2.  How we act in relation to it 

When we choose to connect with others as a response to stress we create resilience. Understanding that our own happiness comes from seeing ourselves trying to help others and that our unhappiness comes from worry and stress about ourselves all the time, motivates us to connect with kindness to help, to ask for help and to be grateful to others.
 
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Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

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