I am still exploring how to prevent my January enthusiasm for my New Year's resolutions from waning. Last blog we focused on the unhelpful habit of wanting to give up or run away when things get tough or expectations of perfection or, so called success, are not met. Times when we or others have fallen short. or things are difficult. Two things I like to remember are...

'When the going gets tough, the tough get going'. 

and
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Regarding, doing what needs to be done and then letting go of the outcome is the old adage..


You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!
I have had a few more opportunities to practice this of late, including ..

• Yet another missing parcel. This time a shawl I crocheted and sent to New York. 
• A lost Tara charm which is very special to me 
• Someone not taking my advice and not acting the way I would like them to
• Stuff left around the house and bedroom 'floordrobes', when I have been busy decluttering and tidying up!

So, what is helpful to remember here? 

• To power up that kind, positive encouraging friend to overcome negativity and unkindness toward myself or others
• To accept the situation - 'it's like this now'
• To not give up 
• Do what needs to be done from that kind wise spot - which may include saying what is needed with strong compassion or leading that horse to water!
• And then letting go of expectation (that the horse will drink!)

So leading the horse to water is accepting the situation and doing what is needed. For me recently this has involved...

• Not getting my blog out last week. Deciding not to give up and instead planning to send it fortnightly.  
• Trying to track down the missing parcel and then letting it go. Gifting it to someone else - may they like it.
• Looking for the missing Tara charm and then letting go, trusting that I have enjoyed it for many years and now it is someone else's turn. 
• Kindly saying what is needed regarding things like advice or house tidying, respect and appropriate behaviour. And then letting go of the other person following through or even accepting what I have to say.  

Letting go of the need to force, to struggle and to be in control to make things happen, is sometimes difficult, but it is liberating!

Amazingly I often find when I am able to do my best to accept the situation, do my best to do what needs to be done and then let go of the result often things work out just as they should. Recently for me this has included...

• This blog being sent fortnightly
• The parcel arriving - late but still in time for a New York winter
• The Tara charm gifted to whoever found it 
• Help for those I have been concerned about. Writing a list of what I am grateful for in this tricky situation. 
• Some tidy up efforts 

This can take a while and sometimes it is not until I look back on a situation, that I can see that even when things have not worked out the way I thought they should have, the outcome was often just what was needed.

I remember a time when I was protesting about not getting an OT job I was desperate to get and according to me, was perfect for! Instead I got a great job in rehab, which was much better suited to me. Letting go requires acceptance and some trust.
  
I am again reminded this week, that when I am feeling worried or down about things not working out how I'd hoped or resolving as quickly as I would like, gratitude is the perfect remedy to overcome my discontent and worry! 

When I woke this morning full of worries I decided to stop the negativity and worry and instead get up and write a list of all the positives and things I am grateful for related to this situation. It worked a trick and I felt so much better, happier, optimistic and of course thankful.

We will continue to explore some more of the obstacles that may hinder establishing and maintaining resolutions or goals over the next few blogs.

Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

How do we prevent January enthusiasm for our New Year's resolutions from waning? These past blogs have explored some unhelpful habits that may sabotage us in our resolutions to be a more positive force in the world and keep our resolutions. So far we have explored...

• Choosing too many things to work on or include 

Hence my decision to focus on gratitude, while still being  aware of the other things I want to be mindful of including, kindness to myself and others, simplifying my life, and balancing activity and rest. 

•  Forgetting 

We explored some ways to remember to be awake and mindful, especially in relation to being grateful.

• Self judgement, criticism and negativity 

Last blog we explored powering up that positive, kind and encouraging friend to keep us motivated and believing it is possible to make positive lasting change. And being aware of that negative bias, and instead choosing to be grateful instead of letting  the habit of negativity and resentfulness take over..

I have been contemplating last weeks blog related to powering up that positive, kind, encouraging friend and Pema Chodron's wise words
'Never give up on yourself, Then you will never give up on others'. 
I have a tendency to want to give up or run away when things get tough or I fail to reach perfection or so called success. This is giving up on myself!

So, what is helpful to remember here?  To instead, power up that kind, positive encouraging friend to overcome this negativity and get some help in learning how not to bolt! As Pema also says

"Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away.

and 

'As long as our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never lean about unconditional friendship with ourselves, nor will we find compassion.'


So, with these wise words reminding me not to give up, I am ready to do what needs to be done and then let go. What am I letting go of? I am letting go of the need to force, to struggle and the need to be in control to make things happen.   I am being mindful to let go of some unhelpful ways of thinking including ...

• Tying to control or micromanage things
• Rejecting or attempting to push away or suppress feeling or situations I find uncomfy 
• Grasping to try to hold onto things or prevent change
• Expectation. Instead of having unreal expectations of myself, others, or situations  doing my best to anticipate the best and accept what happens, with gratitude!

So not giving up on myself or others and instead accepting whatever comes up, which involves letting go and allowing it to be different from what I expect.  Responding from that kind, wise spot that knows the truth, doing what needs to be done and then letting go of expectation of outcome.  Again as Pema Chodron reminds us...

'At some point, we need to stop identifying with our weaknesses and shift our allegiance to our basic goodness'

And something that I have been saying to myself...

Don't Give Up, But Do Let Go! 

This reminds me that a daily gratitude practice, including gratitude to ourselves, has many benefits to our happiness and peace of mind and is well worth working on.
We will explore some more of the obstacles that may hinder establishing and maintaining resolutions or goals over the next few blogs.

Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

January is a great time to think about establishing some helpful new habits, but as we said every day can be New Years! So how do we prevent our January enthusiasm from waning? 

In last weeks blog we looked at recognising things that may hinder realisation of our goals and resolutions. We explored the pitfalls of focusing on too many things at once and forgetting. So having decided on one thing - to establish a gratitude practice, and thinking about things to remember gratitude, I am ready to look at further ways to prevent obstacles getting in my way. 
 
The next unhelpful habit (or friendly reminders) which may get in the way of establishing helpful new habits may include...

• Self-judgement and criticism, and negativity

We need to believe it is possible to make these positive changes in our lives, whatever they are, to be grateful, lose weight or get fit.

I need to convince myself that being grateful, for example is how I want to be and that it is possible for me to establish a gratitude practice. Our predisposition is not our future. Who we were in the past, an ungrateful person for example, does not need to define who we are in the future.
 
Instead of allowing that self critical task master to be in charge I will remember to power up that kind, encouraging friend who believes it is possible for me to make this change. As Pema Chodren says 'Never give up on yourself. Then you will never give up on others'.  

Three steps which might help to power up that positive encouraging part of us to overcome self-judgement include...

1. Recognise that self-judgement is untrue and undermines happiness and peace of mind. That self-critical voice is not objective, harsh, deceptive and discouraging.  So watch out for it and don't believe it!
2. Realise only the present moment is real. So when that self judgemental voice pops up and tells us lies like - 'you are not good enough' 'you'll never be able to keep your resolution to be kinder, more grateful etc', simply stop and take three mindful breaths and bring yourself back to the present moment . 
3. Respond with wisdom. Replace that self critical soundtrack with a positive encouraging new habit. Remember what that kind encouraging friend would say and say that to yourself. Things like 'I am doing my best', 'so called mistakes are how we learn and grow', or 'I have done nothing wrong', 'I am going to practice gratitude'. 
4. 
   

That encouraging  optimistic friend, be it our internal dialog or an external friend are important to help keep us motivated and believing it is possible to make a lasting, positive habit change. 
As Kristin Neff succinctly says  'Instead, of mercilessly judging and criticising yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings - after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?'
 

• Being mindful of the negative bias I often have is very useful.

When I woke this morning I found my mind went straight to worry about things that are seemingly going wrong in my life. Fortunately I was awake to this, well somewhat awake, and I caught my mind before that negativity took over. STOP! Instead of all that negativity and worry I will choose to be grateful for  the things that are going right and the opportunities to grow and learn from other experiences too. My
  morning gratitude practice saves the day again, literally!

As Mark Desvaux says 'Some people see the glass half full, others see the glass half empty. the enlightened are simply grateful to have a glass'. 
​
A daily gratitude practice has many benefits to our happiness and peace of mind and is well worth working on. I encourage you to think of some helpful ways to remember to be grateful and to practice gratitude. Start with believing in yourself and that it is possible for you to be optimistic and practice gratitude. And watch for that negativity and worry and instead choose to be grateful for all that is going right. Make that first small change and record those things you are grateful for no matter how small. They are everywhere - we just need to be awake to notice! What a blessing it is to have gratitude spring to mind instead of negativity and resentment! 
We will explore some more of the obstacles that may hinder establishing and maintaining resolutions or goals over the next few blogs.​

Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx 

As I said my  2018 new year's resolution was to continue to 'go with the flow'.

Going with the flow is both, an acceptance of 'it's like this now' and activity (what is my best response?). So, accept, then act wisely. Acceptance is to take the path of least resistance - to  go with the flow. It involves accepting 'what is' without judgement, rejection or blame.  As Eckhart Tolle says "Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains accept it as if you had chosen it. this will miraculously transform your whole life" 

So I had a chance to put this acceptance into practice yesterday as I sat down to write this blog on resolutions and goals.

I sat for ages with lots written and not much clarity and no blog!! I eventually accepted my muddle and that the blog was not a happening thing that afternoon! Following acceptance I decided on action, to take the path of less resistance - a walk to the greengrocer! 


On my walk I thought about some of the unhelpful habits (or friendly reminders) which hinder me from working at and realising my resolutions or goals. For me these include...

• Choosing too many things to work on or include. Instead choosing one or two at a time. I choose Gratitude, a great place to start!
• Forgetting. Instead I will think of ways to remember and tonbe awake!
• Self-judgement and criticism. Instead of allowing that self critical task master to be in charge I will remember to power up that kind encouraging friend.
• Going in too big! Instead of having unrealistic expectations of myself and others I will set myself achievable goals and remember to rejoice when I achieve them.   
• Focusing on outer attainments - the end achievement rather than the ongoing feeling I would like to experience.
• Thinking it is all about willpower. Instead remembering to also include, setting goals that excite or motivate me and  a conducive environment to facilitate them. 
• Overcomplicating things. Instead remembering 'simple is best'!

So at the risk of attempting to cover all these unhelpful things in the one blog I decided to focus the next few blogs on these 7 things. 

The woman who served me at the greengrocer gave me the opportunity to address the first two!  Namely, choosing one thing to work on and secondly remembering. She had a small tattoo on her forearm. I saw the tattoo and I watched my anti-tattoo reaction and judgement and then I read the tattoo. It read 'Gratitude'. I commented 'what a beautiful reminder to be grateful'. ''That is exactly what everyone says' she replied. She went on to add she had got the tattoo, on her mother's birthday last year, to remind her to be grateful to her.

Now I am not advocating getting a tattoo, nor am I anti-tattoo's - each to their own. But, I am reminded how useful it is to have things which remind us of resolutions, goals or new habits we want to cultivate. 

So I realised I simply needed to write this blog related to the first of my resolutions - to be grateful. And to think of some ways to remember to be grateful. As you may know these last blogs have all been on gratitude and some ways we can start a gratitude practice and remember to be grateful.

As we have explored a daily gratitude practice has many benefits to our happiness and peace of mind. I encourage you to think of some helpful ways to remember to be grateful and to practice gratitude.
For me these include...

Keeping a daily gratitude journal
Eating mindfully and with gratitude. 
You may want to say internally or aloud a simple prayer of gratitude before eating. Here are some suggestions..


For the meal we are about to eat,
for those that made it possible,
and for those with whom we are about to share it,
we are thankful.
     – From the humanist benediction


In this plate of food, I see the entire universe supporting my existence.     – Zen blessing from Thich Nhat Hanh
We receive this food in gratitude to all beings
Who have helped to bring it to our table,
And vow to respond in turn to those in need
With wisdom and compassion.
     – Buddhist Meal Gatha
POM Craftivist reminders including

• 'Feeling grateful' pyjamas. - maybe you have received some of these from your wacky POM Craftivist Godmother, Friend or Auntie 'Ree
• A POM tea-towel or hankie with a gratitude message on it. I put these in the Christmas Bon Bon's this Christmas  - some family members were a little less than thrilled!

Jewellery

• My bluebird of happiness broach/pendant which my grandma gave my mum and my mum gave me
• A beeping watch or hourly alarm to remind me of gratitude.

Fridge Magnets or desk or pin-board reminders 


Other helpful reminder practices 

• Inhale love, exhale gratitude 
• A 'Thank you' mantra to all including me! 

I am sure you can think of many other useful reminders. I would love you to share them with me so I can share them next blog.
We will explore some more of the obstacles that may hinder realising resolutions or goals over the next few blogs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​