Do you worry about all kinds of things? I even worry about worrying! Do I need to? No, I don't think so! I have been noticing my mind active with lots of, often unconscious, underlying worry about all sorts of things! So I have had lots more opportunities to continue to practice letting go of stress and worry and instead remember to trust that things will work out as they will and teach us all what we need to learn. 
On Friday at the Mission's winter breakfast programme I had a beautiful reminder from Stan, a customer, to let go of worry. I served Stan his breakfast and we had a friendly exchange. He sat to eat and I continued serving.  There was a break in customers and I was standing by the bain marie, when I heard Stan say "hey, smiley, where has your smile gone?" His comment was a timely reminder that I had began to worry and it showed! I breathed, put the smile back on my face and thanked him for reminding me not to worry. 

I find it particularly difficult, as a mother, to let go of stress and worry about my children. Someone once said to me 'You never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they are!' I would like to think that does not need to be the case. Stan's reminder and the opportunity to write and re-read last fortnights blog has helped me remember relaxation and spaciousness are available in every moment.

As we said last week stress is a waste of time and energy and serves no useful purpose. Although I understand this I find it is difficult to let go of worry about my children, especially when I see them appear to make unwise choices.

Letting go of worry does not include, not caring about, or washing my hands of, a situation. A friend of mine says in relation to her children 'care but don't carry'. For me carrying or enabling includes allowing worry and also allowing behaviour which I see as harmful or disrespectful to continue, without speaking my truth, in an effort to help. I can then trust that I have done my best and that things will work out as they will and that life will teach us all what we have to learn, including maybe a lesson from me. As I said for me 'carrying' also includes carrying worry - so while I care deeply, I do not need to continue to carry worry. Also, It never feels good to think that others are worried about us.

My wise friend Cindy Lee recently reminded me of the word 'carefree'. She helped me understand 'carefree', does not mean we don't care. In the case of my children, I care deeply. However I can care for them, do what I can to help and be free of worry, about them. I can be carefree! The word carefree, also does not include being careless or not mindful about feelings or how I act in the world.  

As we said last week, relaxation and spaciousness are available in every moment. And being carefree is too!

Some things that help me to let go of worry and be more carefree, when I notice I am  worrying, (or someone else helps me to notice it) include...

• Coming to the breath and mindfully breathing 3 times. This allows us to create some space, connect with our innate wisdom and respond from there, rather than react with more stress and worry! 
• Send love on the out breath to the person I am worried about. Or a text emoji!
• Rest in my intention to have done my best and trust that things will work out as they need to. 
• Once I have done my best, let go of the compulsion to 'fix' things and instead accept and trust life has the perfect lessons in store. 
• Understand and accept that often decisions based on promoting respect and cooperation within the family won't make me the most popular mother around. 
• Put some music on and have a dance or sing in the kitchen or laundry as I do my jobs. A good sing in the car is great too. 
• Go for a walk in nature
• Look at the sky in wonder
• Smile 

So, no matter what the worry is for you, a friend, family member, job, pet or even a big toe, maybe these carefree suggestions may be of use to you. 
 
I wanted to share a letter I recently wrote to my adult kids living at home. It relates to letting go of worry and trusting in life's lessons, including house rules based on respect cooperation and sharing

Dear Family,
I just wanted to share 3 things with you 

1.  I am not going to worry about you anymore. Instead, I am going to trust things will work out as they will, and life will teach you the lessons you need. (including the house rules!)

2.  I love you unconditionally and always. I am appreciative of you as part of our family. I am always here if you need me and will happily share with honesty and compassion 

3.  This is your home and you are always welcome here. However it is our house and and our house has rules that need to be abided by. The household needs to run cooperatively and with respect for others and here are some guidelines we need to follow ....( I will spare you the details)

With love always M xx 

I am very grateful for the guidance of my wise friends and their words of wisdom, and you all for sharing with me.   
Have a great fortnight! Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx 

Do you spend too much time stressing? Lately, I have been doing some unhelpful worrying. Stress is a waste of time and energy and serves no useful purpose. And as we explored last week in our 'Commitment Matters' blog, the causes for low self esteem, stress or worry and depression are .....

• Not following through on realistic commitments made. Of course things may come up to prevent us from keeping commitments, but making realistic, considered commitments with the intention of following though and keeping them is important for us to feel good about ourselves and cultivate trust. 
• Pride. This is the unhealthy sort of pride, where we think somehow we are better than others. This has the reverse effect making us feel lousy about ourselves in the end. It is important to do our best to be better for others and be aware of the unhelpful habit of thinking of ourselves as better than others. 
• Selfishness. This habit can include worrying about myself, making it all about me and my needs sometimes at expense of others. It can also include not considering or respecting others, and over concern for our health or wellbeing. 

So, how can we be less stressed about our selves? Interestingly, stressed backwards is desserts!  If I reverse the 'stressed about myself' and make it about how I can benefit others, I can get my desserts - a happier, more confident and less stressed me!

Corny I know, but, maybe a good way to remember that less worry about ourselves and more concern about how to do our best to be a positive force in the world, brings desserts both to me and possibly to the receiver of my kind efforts.

I say possible because sometimes our best efforts to benefit others does not appear to be well received or to help at all! Like when I offered assistance to an elderly lady on the tram and was met with hostility. Was my intention to make her upset?  No! It is useful to remember our intention, when a well intentioned action on our behalf appears to backfire!  As Confucius says "Act with kindness but do not expect gratitude" So, we can remember....

• To rest in our kind intention of being of assistance 
• No act of kindness is ever wasted 
• And as Chogyam Trungpa says "If it time for something to flower it will and if it is not, it won't". So the kind seed I planted will flower at some time, but obviously not on that tram.  

By seeing myself be less stressed about myself and less about making it all about me, and instead being more concerned about doing my best to be a positive force in the world to benefit others, despite the response or result, I am creating a positive self perception. This is like instant positive karma, as it feels good. I can have my dessert and eat it too - a happier me, who is fuelled up to continue to be that positive force in the world, who is better for others. 

We can put our energy into something positive and trust that things will work out as they will and life will provide us all with the lessons we need to learn. 

Relaxation and spaciousness is available in every moment. When we feel the stress and worry a simple practice is to come to the breath and mindfully breathe 3 times. This allows us to connect with our innate wisdom and respond from there rather than react with more stress and worry! 


Have a great fortnight! Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

​Do you sometimes struggle with keeping commitments you make? I sometimes do, especially when things get a bit tricky. Last night I found myself unable to go to a discussion group that I had committed to attend, last week. I was really tired and was disappointed I had not foreseen it would take me longer than a few days to get over my jet lag. 

I felt bad that I had to cancel and was reminded it never feels good when we let ourselves or others down. Rather than give myself a hard time or let myself off the hook by saying 'it didn't matter', I decided to remind myself of some helpful things regarding keeping commitments. So here they are...

1.  Set realistic commitments
As I said it may have been more helpful to consider my resources before signing up to attend the group. I did not stop to consider it would take time to get back in the Melbourne time zone. Considering resources like, time, money, and ability are important before committing to do something. 

2.  Give yourself time before you make the decision to commit 
I often think I need to answer a request or suggestion to do something straight away. I forget about respectfully asking for time to consider my resources before making a commitment. 

So once I have made a realistic commitment that I can honour some things that help me to keep that commitment include...

1.  Tell someone else what I have committed to do.
This can help me to stay on track, motivated and accountable to follow thorough. 
 
2.  Things happen that are out of our control and prevent us from keeping our commitment
When we are unable to keep our commitments due to illness or some other unforeseen obstacle it is helpful to have compassion both for ourselves and others. It is never helpful to give ourselves a hard time when things go wrong that prevent us from keeping our promises. We can learn valuable lessons from our life experiences. Remember - 'It's like this now', What is my best response?

3.  It never feels good to let myself and others down by not doing what I said I would do.
And it feels great when we have done our best to follow through on a commitment made!!
According to Buddhism, one of the causes for low self esteem and depression issues is not following through on commitments. The other causes of low self-esteem or depression are selfishness and pride. More about this next blog.

By not doing what we say we will do, we create the self perception of someone who is talking rubbish, this causes us to think of ourselves as rubbish. Often we are not aware of this and unconsciously reinforce this unhelpful habit. Remembering that, this is a habit that I do not want to reinforce and that instead, I want to create the perception of myself as someone who keeps their word and is trustworthy, helps me do my best to follow though on my commitments.  And, as Gandhi says, "Be the change I want to see"

4.  Make it about others.
It is often difficult to do things like commit to a helpful new habit like start a gratitude journal or work on being more patient. But, if we make it about being 'better for others' this can help us with our motivation to keep at it.

We can do things like look after our health so we are not a burden on others, finish this blog to share what may be helpful or refrain from getting angry, so we are easier to be around.  Doing our best to help others and be a positive force in the world, and worrying less about ourselves is the secret of our own happiness. 

5. Stop justifying, procrastinating and making excuses
Sometimes I could have done what I said I would do in the time I spend justifying my reasons for not being able to do it, or procrastinating about starting.  

6. Avoid distractions 
Once committed to a task, try to avoid distractions that may get in the way of you completing it. I have to watch my procasta...baking. Balance is required too though. Going too hard at something, without breaks to refuel, can burn us out.  Joyful Effort!
Have a great fortnight! Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​