Do you ever get dissapointed with yourself when you make mistakes? I did this the other day when I had a texting mishap! I often set the high unrealistic expectations, of myself (and others too) of not making mistakes. When mishaps inevitable happen I can wind up feeling dissapointed and disapproving of myself and others too. This never helps me feel confident, happy or have peace of mind.
Somehow I can have the wacky idea 'I should not make mistakes'. Never making mistakes is not possible. Things go wrong! It is also not possible for me to develop compassion or appreciation for myself or others if I am busy criticising and judging them or myself for inevitable shortfalls. As the Dalai Lama reminds us 'Love is the absence of judgment'. So letting go of judgment allows for love. So, my texting mishap was when I pressed the send button on a message, only to realise 'OMGoodness, I've sent it to the wrong person' The message was intended for my daughter, who is travelling overseas and I sent it to a Chinese friend, who in many ways is akin to my son, who is also travelling overseas. The message read... 'Sorry for messaging sweetheart but just to let you know I am working on the no news is good news principal, so keep having a wonderful time being where you are and please don't worry about us here. Of course we are here if you need us. You will always be in my heart and mine in yours. Much love M xx. I pressed send and then realised what I had done! There was no taking it back, but did I need to? I went straight to 'how embarrassing, how could I be so stupid, I should have been more careful.....' Fortunately I remembered to STOP this self- critical, judgmental, thought train. I asked myself if this was true? No, it wasn't! So Instead of hopping on that thought train of worry, judgment and criticism I decided to...
So, instead of expecting never to make a mistake, I can drop the judgment and treat myself and others with kindness, be more encouraging and appreciative of the efforts we all make to be better for others. With this attitude, even when mishaps happen, I can relax and be happy. As Tony Robbins says 'Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly.' Have a great week. Thank you all Kind Regards and Best Wishes Maree xx
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Do you sometimes forget to be thankful to yourself? I was reminded about this recently by a younger friend of mine when she said "I was so thankful to that past me who left my room tidy before I went to Japan. It was so nice to come home to a tidy room!' It is such fun to think like this. As the Dalai Lama says 'The seed of goodness is found in the soil of appreciation', this applies to all beings, including ourselves.
I am quite good at expressing thanks to others for their kindness yet often forget to thank a previous version of myself! We explored this idea in the 'OMGoodness the Dishwasher has been Emptied!' post where I told of my delight when one morning I discovered the dishwasher had been emptied. I thanked family members only to be told it was not them. Then I remembered it was me, I had emptied it before going to bed! I was tempted to let that self critical voice take over when it chipped in with a 'How could you have forgot that you emptied it! Thankfully I remembered not to go with that self-criticism and instead decided to be thankful to that past Maree, who the previous night had emptied the dishwasher, so the present me did not need to do it. The 'self' exists as a changing self conception, so we can think of a past version of ourselves and be thankful to (and kind, encouraging and supportive to) that past self, in our present mind. In the present we are being a better version of ourselves for a future version of ourselves. Maybe this sounds a little tricky to get your head around. If it does maybe all you need to remember is Abe Lincoln 'When I do good, I feel good' and do good because it feels good in the present and has future good benefits too. And again, as the Dalai Lama "the seed of goodness is found in the soil of appreciation", including appreciation for ourselves. The other Monday I was thankful to a past Maree who had cooked extra food and stored it in the freezer. I had my mum, aunt and cousin coming from Geelong for lunch. I had had a full and active weekend with no time for cooking. (Thanks to the reminder from my friend Monique, I am being aware to avoid the use the word 'busy' and instead use 'full and active' instead). Anyway, I was very happy to fish out all sorts of goodies from the freezer for our lunch. Thanks past Maree! Sometimes that past version of ourselves creates some problems for the future us too. Maybe we went on a holiday and left our room in a mess, didn't prepare enough for an exam, didn't have food in the freezer or made a mistake! It is never helpful to give this past version of ourselves a hard time, with judgment and criticism. Instead remembering to be a kind encouraging friend to ourselves with words like 'we were doing our best with what we knew at the time', learning from our so called mistakes to do a 'better best' next time and forgiving ourself and others. These ways of thinking are much more conducive to our happiness, confidence and peace of mind. Have a great week. Thank you all Kind Regards and Best Wishes Maree xx
Do you ever get a little slapdash with taking care of your appearance? I often do, and don't take the time or care to spruce myself up. At times I can have a somewhat prideful attitude around wearing makeup or taking extra time to look my best! It is the same prideful attitude I have when I hear myself say 'I don't get sick'.
As I have said before, pride, or feeling better than others, and conversely feeling worse than others (what I like to call 'reverse pride' ) are two sides of the same coin. Both undermine confidence and happiness, and feel yucky too! When it comes to taking care of our appearance, how can we can balance out those unhelpful ideas that firstly, we need to look 'better than others' or that secondly, we do not need to take care of our appearance. The balancing attitude is sprucing up for others. I am often reminded of how nice it is to appreciate and compliment others who have made an effort to present well. And how I appreciate compliments from others too. So it may be time to get over ..
Many years ago I read 'Almost French' by Sarah Tunrbull. Sarah tells her story as an Australian woman, backpacking around Europe, meeting a french man, named Frederic and living with him in Paris. One thing that really struck me was when Sarah tries to leave the apartment to visit the baker wearing 'tracky dacks', or jogging pants, Frederic objects, telling her it wouldn’t be nice for the baker to see her like that. So again that better for others, in this case the baker, balancing to overcome our pride or reverse pride. Inspired by those around me who take care of their appearance, those who give me the opportunity to appreciate, admire and compliment, I have decided to make efforts to lift my game. I have been wearing lipstick and mascara and taking extra care of my appearance, much to the surprise of those who know me well. Of course there is still a time for lounging around home in the tracky dacks, but I have decided to make more of an effort in how I present for others. It makes me feel better too. Even if others do not notice I know I have made an effort to be better for others. The other day I went looking for my friend Sheryl's birthday on FB. Sorry I missed it Sheryl! I read with interest on Sheryl's FB profile page, under religious views a quote from Abraham Lincoln. It read ..
Make-up may not be your thing, but maybe a haircut, wash, beard trim or shave, some new clothes or a shoe clean may be the spruce up that is for you, for others. Have a great week. Thank you all Kind Regards and Best Wishes Maree xx
Do you ever get run down and tired or sick and find it difficult to take time to look after yourself, to rest your body and soul? As we were reminded by Osho last week 'Life is a balance between rest and movement.' When we are sick, tired or stressed we can get this balance out of wack and require a bit of a realignment.
I have had a bit of a wobbly July, with visits from bug after bug. It began with the coughing bug guest and has just ended with the latest guest, the sore throat bug. I had a talk to set up for on the weekend and I was feeling unwell. What should I do? Soldier on, make a big fuss, feel guilty, ask for help, or rest? I tend to have two equally unhelpful ways of reacting when I get sick, both of which throw me off balance. 1. Soldiering On Coming from a long line of 'Soldier On'ers' with certainly no tolerance for malingering, I tend to tip myself off balance with a bit of 'martyrdom soldiering on' or a 'I don't get sick' boldness when it comes to being sick. I tend to ignore my guest bug pleas for a rest and run them all around town. They share themselves with others too, as I cough them about. We all end up exhausted. 2. Overindulging I can, though am less likely to overindulge my guest bugs. I can talk about them over and over, telling others all about what they are doing and how I am feeling. I can overindulge them and end up feeling worse and not getting on to do what is best for me and my guests. Which is to get some rest, take some medicine if appropriate, do what I need to do and stop the complaining and demands. As I have said before I find it very helpful to ask myself an important question when I am sick or out of balance, in other ways too. The question is
So a balancing 'Better For Others' and taking a rest really helps here. It helps me with:
Thank you guest bugs for an important lesson in looking after myself in order to be 'better for others'. Have a great week. Thank you all Kind Regards and Best Wishes Maree xx |
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