​​Are you or someone you know facing a potentially stressful or worrying time? Time to turn that around to a more positive time for all.  Just wanted to take this blog to go over a few things that I have found useful to remember.  Hope they are helpful for you during this time.

5. Things I have found useful to remember about stress and worry

1.  Stress A, B, C & D
A.  AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my FRIEND stress here to help 

B.  BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present. 
B.  BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Please Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts.
Thoughts like -' this is a disaster, I don't know the answer, I/they,  haven't done enough work, I/they have done too much work, I need to worry about them/myself etc. Worry about the future is never any use 
STOP - What can I do? Do your best to do what is there to do, without worry

C.  CONNECT with yourself and others kindly, from that wise spot

• Be a kind encouraging friend. Replace those negative worry thoughts with - I am doing my best. Oxytocin is there to give a nudge to connect to yourself and others - to reach out to others for help and to help them. 

D.  DO - Do my best, to do what presents from that wise, connected spot

• Instead of worrying about getting things like needn't to get it perfect, not answering the question well, not being prepared, not doing or coping well etc. do your best to do what is in front of you.  
• Do your best to show them what you know with gratitude for all you have done and your support team and trust it will unfold just as it is meant to be. - Answer the question, share what you know, send positive thoughts of encouragement to yourself or others, be grateful for the team supporting you.  

2.  Doing your best - What it means 

• We are all doing our best with the resources we have available at the time.
• Maybe we didn't know it would be best not to board the stress train or maybe we are having difficulty with the subject, getting organised or our motivation.  We are still doing our best.
• Rather than bash ourselves up, we can use these so called 'mistakes', or shortcomings, as a learning experience for doing a 'better best' next time. Maybe next time, we can do a better best to be more organised, ask for help and help others. 
• In the words of Malcolm X "Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today."  It is never helpful to condemn others or ourselves either.   

 3.  Worrying about others, never helps  

• It never helps others, when we worry about them. It is best to do our best to be encouraging and supportive with a cup of tea, hug, smile, running an errant or sending happy vibes. This is much more constructive than worry.  We don't want to give others more to worry about - us being worried about them. 
• Instead of worry about them or what you should/could have done, feel happy about having done  your best to have been that wonderful support.  And continue to do your best to be encouraging and supportive of them and you.  

4.  You can't worry about yourself and be concerned for others at the same time -

• Choose to do your best to benefit others over worry about yourself.  Blast them with love and positivity.   

5.   Everything happens for a reason 

• Anticipate everything will happen just as it is meant to, rather than worry and expect things to go wrong. 

Next time you are tempted to board the worry train to Station Devastation - Aware to Stop, Breathe, don't Believe those thoughts, Connect with kindness to help, or to ask for help and to be grateful to others.

Instead of worrying I am blasting you all with positivity and love.
Students, you have done your best to prepare, do your best to show them what you know and with gratitude for all you have done and gratitude to your support team. Trust it will unfold just as it is meant to.   
Support team what a wonderful job you have done to do your best to be encouraging and supportive of others and yourselves.  You have done your best for sure.  Trust it will all unfold just as it is meant to be.  

Maree xx
Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful, fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

Ever forget what you have learned and board the worry train? I did this yesterday. I felt like Mr Magoo as I  worried about the blog on worry.  "Oh, Magoo you have done it again".  I realised, I was again, worried about trying to include everything I found useful, get it perfect and get it finished.  

STOP - What can I do? Take a break, find someone to help ( a hungry studier will do) and make a plan to rewrite the blog in a simple practical way tomorrow.  The first version, is here if you would like to read it.  And here, below is the simpler and less worried version.

Things I have found useful to remember about worry

1.  Worry is useless 

• Elkhart Tolle tells us "worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose".
• Worry is a destructive habit that wastes our energy and gives a message to our subconscious that we expect things to go wrong.  
• When we worry we can't stop thinking about others or ourselves in unhelpful ways.  This worry disturbs our present and future peace of mind.  

2. There is never a good time to worry 

• If you can do something about it, then do that and don't worry 
• If you can't do something about it, don't worry.

3.  We can stop worry about the future by  being Aware to.......  

• Not to Believe that first thought of worry, that thought is untrue, unhelpful and likely to take you on that 'Worry Train' to an unhappy place. Something I try to remember to say to myself is 'Stop - Please don't believe that thought' (For me the thoughts include, this is a disaster, I am going to stuff it up, get it wrong, they/I are going to get into more trouble, etc.)
• Breathe - Coming to the present with 3 conscious breaths 
• Connect to yourself and others.  I find it useful to replace or rewrite that thought of worry with - I am doing my best .  I also find it useful to find someone else to help ​

4.  We can stop worry about the past by being Aware to..........

• Not to believe that first thought of worry about the past.  Again Stop, and don't believe that thought that takes us  aboard the Worry Train.  Something I try to remember to say to myself is - Is this memory useful to me now?  (For me the thoughts include, I always make mistakes, they always hurt me, let me down, etc.)
• Connect to yourself and others.  I find it useful to replace or rewrite that thought of worry with 'I/they are doing their best'.  What can I do to help someone else to make amends and let it go.  

5.  We can't worry about ourselves & be concerned for others at the same time.

• So choose to do what you can do to help others and not worry about yourself.  (This does not include worrying about them!).  Choosing to  benefit others, is the happier, less worrying option.   

6.  Worrying about others, never helps  

• It never helps others, when we worry about them. It is best to do our best to be encouraging and supportive with a cup of tea, hug, smile, running an errant or sending happy vibes. This is much more constructive than worry.  We don't want to give others more to worry about - us being worried about them.

 
7.  Do your best

• We are all doing our best with the resources we have available at the time.
• Maybe we didn't know it would be best not to board the stress train or maybe we are having difficulty with the subject, getting organised or our motivation.  We are still doing our best.
• Rather than bash ourselves up, we can use these so called 'mistakes', or shortcomings, as a learning experience for doing a 'better best' next time. Maybe next time, we can do a better best to be more organised, ask for help and help others. 
• In the words of Malcolm X "Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today."  It is never helpful to condemn others or ourselves either.   

8.  Happiness comes from, seeing ourselves trying to help others.  

• Unhappiness comes from, worry and stress about ourselves, 

9.  FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real 

• So I don't need to believe it has to be perfect, inclusive of everything and done - I can do my best and let go of the fear.  

10.  Everything happens for a reason 

• I heard a football commentator on the footy show share this wise advice last week.
• Worrying about the worry blog, gave me the opportunity to share and put into practice some wise advice to help myself and others.   

Using ABCD to stop worrying about the Worried Sick Blog ? 

Stress A, B, C & D
A.  AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my friend stress here to help 

B.  BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present. 
B.  BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Please Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts.
(In my case - I need to get this blog perfect, inclusive of everything and done right now

C.  CONNECT with yourself and others kindly, from that wise spot

• Be a kind encouraging friend. Replace those negative worry thoughts with - I am doing my best. Oxytocin is there to give a nudge to connect to yourself and others - to reach out to others for help and to help them. 

D.  DO - Do my best, to do what presents from that wise, connected spot

• Instead of stressing about finishing the blog and getting it perfect I needed to take a break and help someone else.    
• A studying voice from the other end of the house "What's for dinner mum?"  Yay, a chance to stop worrying about myself and help someone else.  
• And make a plan to rewrite the blog in the morning​

Instead of worrying you might want to.............

• Do ABCD
• A & B - Aware and Breathe - do the 3 breaths over again and again if necessary
• Don't believe those worry thoughts - they are untrue
• Replace those negative thoughts with encouraging ones like - I am doing my best, we all make mistakes; they help us learn, I will do my best for those that support me, or I will give it my best shot.
• Put your hand on your heart 
• Give yourself or others a smile
• Take a break to replenish
• Think about what you are grateful for - all those people that have helped and supported you to do your best and give thanks
• Think about how you can help others - a kind thought will do. 
• Learn to meditate​
• You or someone you know might be interested in learning to meditate - Please see information 

​Hope you have a friendlier relationship with stress following last weeks blog post. Have you had a play with the Stress A & B and been aware of the stress response kicking in with the pounding heart and increased breath rate and used it as a reminder to come into the present with those 3 deep breaths?  Hope it has helped.

As we discussed last week you may need to repeat these steps a few times, and often.  With practice, they will be very useful in helping you use the friendly stress response constructively to bring courage and joy.  

Last blog we explored how stress is activated when we think a thought of separation or worry.  When we see stress as our friend it can help us 

• Energise, focus and come to the present.  
• Connect to other.  Another helpful gift the stress response brings us, is a nudge to connect to others. 

​
How stress can help us connect?

When we experience the stress response, the neurotransmitter oxytocin is released to...

• Motivate us to seek support or to offer it to others.  
• Act on our body to protect and strengthen our cardiovascular system. 

So our stress response has an inbuilt human connection mechanism, for stress resilience.  

Further studies have shown that, caring for and connecting to others 

• Protects us against the adverse health effects of major stress.  
• Can transform our experience of stress. 
•  Creates resilience and courage, as a response to stress  

Wow, I just had an opportunity to practice this.  Someone I know, who is currently got lots on, just said to me "I'm so stressed, I have so much to do, I can't do it, what should I do?"  She acted on her oxytocin nudge, to connect for help.  Yay, What can I do to help?  I can share some of this helpful information and anything else that is needed.  Maybe a hug, some encouragement, a cup of tea or offer of assistance might help too.   

So lets add the C & D to our A & B with this new gift from our friend stress.  

Stress A, B, C & D
A.  AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my friend stress here to help 

B.  BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present. 
B.  BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts. (more on this next blog)
C.  CONNECT with yourself and others kindly, from that wise spot

• Be that kind encouraging friend.  Oxytocin is there to give you a nudge to connect to yourself and others - to reach out to others for help and to help them. 

D.  DO - Do your best, to do what presents to do from that wise connected spot.

Instead of being stressed you might want to..............

Connecting to yourself - on the spot 

• A & B - Breathe - do the 3 breaths over again and again if necessary
• Put your hand on your heart 
• Give yourself or others a smile
• Don't believe those worry thoughts - they are untrue
• Replace those negative thoughts with encouraging ones like - I am doing my best, we all make mistakes, or I will give it my best shot
• Think about what you are grateful for and give thanks

Connecting to others for support

• Ask for some help, or see if someone needs your assistance.  
• Send someone a kind, encouraging text, thought or message
• Think about what someone you admire would do in this situation and do that ​

Connecting to others to support them 

• Take the dog for a walk 
• Give reassurance to those who are concerned about you - reassure them you are doing your best, give them a smile and express your gratitude to them 
• Help someone else who is having difficulty and is stressed. A friend of mine attributes his great VCE results, especially in maths, to setting himself up as the class tutor and helping his friends who were having difficulties.  
• Do your best to get your 'stressed self' out of the way and focus to do what needs to be done for others - your teachers, family and friends and all those who have supported you along the way, those examiners that need to mark your paper, the person who needs to interview you, the client that needs the job done.  How can you help them?   
• So remember, stress is a friend who has come to remind you to use its energy to be Aware, Breathe back to the present, not believe untrue thoughts, connect with kindness to ourselves and others and Do what need to be done from that kind, wise spot 

Other things that might be useful 

• Get organised and tidy your work space - always feel better to declutter
• Do the 5 minutes lie down, relax an breathe exercise each day
• Have a warm bath or shower  
• When you find it difficult to motivate yourself to do what you know, would be best to do, make a plan to sit down and do the task for ten minutes. Usually this helps us get over the hump of getting started, if you are having trouble with motivation.
• Go for a walk in nature 
• Unplug yourself, as Anne Lamott suggests - " Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you".  

Stress is not inevitably harmful - we can transform it by........
1.  How we think about it.  
When we choose to view our stress as helpful we can create the biology of courage and joy 
2.  How we act in relation to it 

When we choose to connect with others as a response to stress we create resilience. Understanding that our own happiness comes from seeing ourselves trying to help others and that our unhappiness comes from worry and stress about ourselves all the time, motivates us to connect with kindness to help, to ask for help and to be grateful to others.
 
Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​