​Do you ever feel discontent or not content with what you have or what you don't have? When I do, it feels like an itch that needs scratching, like a mozzie bite. The mozzie bite of discontent tells me I need to scratch it to make it go away. But, when I do scratch it, the itch gets worse. This itch of discontent happens when I have a desire for something I want or an aversion to something that I do not want. This is like a grasping to or a pushing away of others, things or experiences. 

Lets take material things first. Materialism is defined as 'the tendency to consider material possessions and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values'. Materialism and its promotion, in the form of advertising, intensifies the itch of grasping at getting things we think we need to make us content. Things like new shoes, clothes, car, i-whatever or relationships. We get the new i-whatever and of course the itch of discontent does not go away because it comes back as a new want - the now latest i-whatever. 

I can recall being really itchy, with lots of wants. The feeling of 'if only I had X (new jeans, shoes, i-phone, or relationship) then I would be happy. This feeling of discontentment breeds many unhealthy, unhelpful habits, including...

• Thinking that my happiness lies in things and others. The truth is happiness is a state of mind that I cultivate through kindness and gratitude. The continual seeking of happiness outside myself scratches the itch of discontent. As David Steindl-Rast reminds us ' Happiness is not what makes us Grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us Happy'.
• Greed. Discontent with what I have can leads me to ignorantly think that if I had more I would be happy. 
• Anger. Discontent with how things are can cause us to become angry and attempt to get what I want and get rid of what I don't want. 
• Relationship disharmony. When we are discontent with how others are and want them to be different we can't appreciate their positive qualities. 
• Low self-esteem. When we are discontent with how we are are we constantly comparing ourselves to others or having unreal expectations of ourselves. This erodes our healthy sense of self-esteem. Instead be grateful for who we are and what we have. 

Behind every little desire we have, be it to have a new pair of shoes, a better relationship or to look different, is what Lama Marut calls 'THE DESIRE'. The desire to be free of desire, to be content.
The cure for our discontentment is simply to be content and some things that help me remember to be content are..

• The I HAVE ENOUGH contentment Mantra. To practice what Lama Marut calls the contentment mantra. A mantra is 'a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation' or a 'statement or slogan repeated frequently'. So, the contentment mantra is ... I HAVE ENOUGH 

I can remember practicing this with my then teenage daughter as we walked down High Street past all the clothes shops. I have enough shoes, jeans, tops, t-shirts and dresses! We needed lots of practice!

•  To BE RADICAL; BE CONTENT. Many of us want to be a bit radical, and many of us are discontent. Lama Marut suggests that one way we can be radical, is to be content! It may be helpful to consider this as a peaceful protest!
• ACCEPTANCE OF 'IT'S LIKE THIS NOW'. So often we find it difficult to accept things as they are and want them to be different! But that is the way they are and no amount of protest is going to change that. So the best response for our own peace of mind is that radical acceptance - It's like this now and what is my wisest response... TO BE CONTENT 

So if being content is the cure for our discontent GRATITUDE is the gateway to that Contentment. More about gratitude next week. Why not join me in a morning gratitude practice - it is a sure and easy way to feel happy and content! As I suggested above why not start with our parents, waking up and breakfast!


Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

​Do you ever have trouble letting go of blame, resentment or criticism when things get damaged? As we have explored over the past weeks, we can use the technique of letting go of blame and resentment of others and ourselves when things don't go as planned or when things go missing. I had the opportunity to practice this same letting go when I discovered the window of our car had been smashed while while writing last weeks blog. 

I was sitting in the sun in Echuca, writing when I received a phone call from the man who has been mowing our lawns fortnightly for the past 25 years. He told me that he had just noticed the side window of our Polo car was smashed and asked if I had been aware of it. 'No', was my reply, 'it was fine when we left that morning'. My mind went to all kinds of hypothesising about possible causes and suspects, including him, someone attempting to break into the car and myself for leaving a cloth bag visible in the front seat. Fortunately I remembered this was not helpful and recalled what I had only just written!

• Hypothesising about possible causes and blame was ruining my peace of mind and
• If you can do something about it then do it and don't waste time worrying.

So I could let go of blame judgment and worry, and instead I could ...

• Reassure the gardener it did not matter how it happened and that it was not a problem. And thank him for ringing me so I could organise to get it fixed on our way home.
• Decide it had been an accident by who knows who and let it go 

 As the Dalai Lama says 'We often add to our pain and suffering (and that of others too) by being over sensitive and over-reacting to minor things and sometimes taking things too personally'.

So, I let it go and had faith it would all work out, and it did.
On the way home I rang Windscreen's O'Brien. The power of advertising allowed me to recall their jingle from years ago and I am so happy I did. A very nice man, Victor, took my call and was so helpful and patient with me, even when I could not recall our car registration number and insurance policy details! He asked me if we had glass insurance cover, 'Oh no I am pretty sure we don't' I said. Victor kindly asked me if he could check it for me and I agreed with little optimism. He came back on the line a few minutes later to cheerfully tell us we did have the cover and that we could take the car to Camberwell the following day to have the glass replaced for free!

How amazing, I was so grateful to myself for letting go of judgment and criticism so quickly. I was also grateful to the gardener for his call, Victor for his patience and kind persistence in checking our insurance, Sam for helping me to punch out and clean up the glass and the friendly, skilled tradesman who installed the window and cleaned up so well. I was thankful of so many opportunities to practice patience, letting go of blame and judgment, and gratitude. 

Next month and in December too I plan to focus our blogs on Gratitude. Being grateful is an instant way to feel happier about everything and is the gateway to our contentment.
  
Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

​Do you ever get angry and frustrated when things go missing or are either lost or stolen? Recently I have had some things go missing in the post, and failed to hold on to the tracking number I was issued! I had handmade some gifts and got them into the post before going away. 'Great, ticked that off the list' I thought,

When I arrived home I discovered that both parcels I had posted had not arrived. My initial reaction was one of blame and criticism of anyone I could think of: including myself for not delivering it in person or keeping the tracking number, Australia Post for its hopeless delivery system, and a possible passer by who may have nicked it from the doorstep. This hypothesising of possible blame and criticism was ruining my present and future peace of mind. I just couldn't let go of the disappointment of the missing parcels.

Then I remembered a very helpful, rather radical technique I had been studying in an ancient classic of Buddhist literature called 'The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life'. This text is all about how to live like a Bodhisattva, or person trying to live a good life. The somewhat radical suggestion in Chapter 6 on patience is to think about the lost/stolen items as gifts to others. Now I am not saying this is easy to do. And it is certainly  the opposite direction to where my mind wants to go, but it is so helpful for promoting my peace of mind and to stop the churning of my mind around where the items may be or who may have them and how. I can waste a lot of time and energy worrying about such things with lots of possible scenarios. So I can't know what  happened to the gifts or where they are, so why worry? As I remind myself -

• If you can do something about it then do it and don't worry
• If you can't do anything about it don't worry either 

So what could I do? I looked for the tracking number to no avail and then went to the local post office, also with no luck. And then I decided to stop worrying about it.

The next helpful, rather radical step, because I don't know where the parcels went, is to assume whoever has them needed the items. So I will decide to gift the parcels to them, instead of the intended recipient! Instant peace of mind as I let go of the worry, blame and resentment about it. When I blame, judge and criticise others I make them the enemy and myself a victim. When I decide to instead have compassion and forgive and choose to assume the best I have peace of mind.

Now I am certainly not advocating being a doormat and allowing others to harm us, or themselves. We need to do our best to prevent harm. So I will do my best to be responsible and keep the tracking number on parcels sent, lock the house and car, and keep an eye on my possessions. And I am also certainly not suggesting denying that the event has happened. I am just suggesting a helpful, kind way to think about things going missing for our peace of mind. As Pema Chodron says 'patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself. And she also says 'Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world'.


I used this technique when I had a laptop stolen one New year's Eve a few years ago. My recollection is that it took a lot longer to let go of the blame, anger and resentment. However, again, rather than have that negativity churning over and over in my mind I decided on a new radical approach. I didn't know the circumstances around why someone had broken into our house and taken things. As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us 'When another person makes you suffer it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That is the message he is sending'. And so I decided to not stand in judgment and to have compassion, forgive them and wish them well with my laptop. 

So my experience with Australia Post turned out to be an opportunity to practice patience, forgiveness, gratitude and generosity with myself and others - all good qualities to cultivate. It also provided an opportunity to let go of anger, resentment and judgment and experience more peace of mind.

I am writing this blog in the sun in Echuca, and would you believe I have just received a phone call to say the passenger side window of our car  back at home is smashed. Here is a chance to put this same radical technique into place. More about that next week. 
Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​