​Do you ever feel the need to make a stand for something you believe in and speak your truth, even when it is hard and you feel a bit like you are swimming against the tide?  I feel this way about choosing the cheap and easy option over connecting with others.

The online world and technology offers me many cheap and easy ways to do so many things like, buying  any consumer good imaginable,organise travel, accommodation, do banking, buy take away food, check out my groceries, watch movies, organise transport, and communicate with others.  But who, is missing out when I take the cheap and easy option? I am.  And what am I missing out on? Connection with others.  I am also missing out on an opportunity to support my local community.  And it makes me lonely.  As George Monbiot explores in his Guardian article 'The age of loneliness is killing us'. 

Technology is amazing, and has brought us so many wonderful things, but I think I need to aware of some of the downs sides as well.  And a big downside for me is choosing the cheap and easy option i often means I am missing out on connection and community.  As humans, we are social creatures who cannot survive without and prosper without love and connection.  The truth is we are interdependent with others and our environment - we would not be able to live for a second without the kindness of others and nature. 

So with this growing awareness i decided to devote last Tuesday to being mindful of choosing connection over cheap and easy. There was a book, I was interested to buy on 'living more sustainably in the suburbs'.  I had found it on a website and was just about to order it on Amazon when I remembered I was choosing connection and support over cheap and easy.  So, I decided to order it from my local bookshop.  Next, I wanted to plan a trip to Tassie to visit my dad.  Again, online I went and was about to book.  Fortunately again I remembered, and decided to go to our local travel agent.  Next, I had some banking to do and some bills to pay.  Again, I went to my computer.  No, I would go to the bank and post office instead.  

So, off I went to my local shopping centre to order the book, book the airfares to Tassie, and go to the bank, supermarket and post office. It took me longer and probably cost a little more, but I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with and support others.  I love our local bookshop and the people there, I met a lovely young travel agent, Rosie who was just starting out,  shared with the bank teller, went to the check out person and had a fun conversation, went to my local fruit and vegetable shop and had fun with the great family there too. I also had the opportunity to be outdoors and enjoy the beautiful gardens and the others going about their days. In contrast I would have spent the time alone at home on my computer getting the jobs done faster and more economically, but at what cost?  I would have been lonely and missed the wonderful opportunity to connect with and support my local community.  

I realize I am very fortunate to have this opportunity to choose.  Many don't, they do not have the awareness, knowledge, education or resources, including money and time, which make such choices possible.  I do not want to stand in judgement of myself or others, but instead share the wonderful benefits I am grateful to have found when I chose to do my best to connect and support others.  For me, they far outweigh the ease and money saving, lure of the technological alternative.  We need to remember to be compassionate and kind to ourselves and others.  The changes do not need to be big or all at once, but maybe you have some opportunities to be more aware, and give connection and support to others, too. I hope so.  

Here are some ways to connect I find it useful to try to remember.  You might want to give them a try.

• Use local community resources and shops instead of online ones
• Phone, FaceTime or write a letter to post instead of text or email
• Go to the movies instead of sitting alone on netflix, where possible
• Go for a  walk in nature 
• Use a check out person instead of a machine or flexiteller 
• Go to farmers markets 
• Ring a friend to organise a catch up, rather than just Facebook communication 
• Ring to organise accommodation where possible 
• Use travel agents 
• Go to a local park 

What helps me is, mindfully remembered a more helpful response - The ABCD 

AWARE - to be aware of prioritising connection and support over ease and saving money.  
BREATHE - do 3 mindful breaths. This allowed me the freedom to respond from that wise spot, instead of reacting from the unhelpful habit of criticising back.  Or criticising myself either.  

CONNECT with KINDNESS
What came up, from that wise spot was CONNECT AND SUPPORT OTHERS 

DO - from that wise spot 
And that is what I did - gratefully, went off to the local shops to connect and support.  

Thank you subscribers
As always it is wonderful to connect and share with you.  I better hop of my computer and go and connect with others.  
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

If you would like to connect with me please email me here maree@pom-melbourne.com

Do you ever play criticism ping pong, where one critical comment leads to a quick defensive, critical shot back. Unhelpfully, I used to be an expert player, especially with teenage children in the house. We'd have matches on all sorts of topics, including mismanagement of the food in the pantry, over-contol, limit setting, responsible parenting, respect, and tidying up.

 It is so easy to to slip into the habit of criticising back, when we are criticised. I remembered or was mindful of this last week when I watched my mind quickly build its defence case, for criticising back a driver who was frustrated with me for not passing a tram.  The driver, expressed his frustration by giving me the two finder salute, the OMG arms up in horror and a toot. I could see all this happening in my rear vision mirror and watched my mind ready to give the criticism back and defend my position.

Fortunately, I remembered a much more helpful response and avoided a criticism ping pong match disaster.  As I have mentioned previously this month, I find it useful to think of mindfulness as simply remembering to pay attention to what is happening and meditation, as thinking about or putting the mind on something (useful). Criticising back never helps, even though oddly, somehow defending ourselves seems helpful.  I am not recommending being a doormat either, as it is important to speak our truth in order to help others prevent harm.  It is not helpful to let others abuse us, it is not good for them. So, how do we speak our truth in helpful ways.  And, how do we speak to ourselves without criticism and judgement either?  I don't know about you, but I can speak to myself very harshly, often more unkindly that I would ever speak to anyone else.  The Answer is KINDLY.  Be that kind encouraging friend to ourselves and others.  

So when I had my criticism button pushed by the other drivers, stares, gestures and beeps, instead of criticising back, I mindfully remembered a more helpful response - The ABCD 

AWARE - to be aware that my criticism button had been pushed and that criticising back was not going to be helpful,

BREATHE - do 3 mindful breaths. This allowed me the freedom to respond from that wise spot, instead of reacting from the unhelpful habit of criticising back.  Or criticising myself either.  

CONNECT with KINDNESS
What came up, from that wise spot was PLEASE BE KIND'.  FULL STOP 
And I thought to myself - I am doing my best - I felt I couldn't safely overtake the tram, and that is ok.  

And the other driver is doing his best too. How do I know why he is in such a hurry. He is a victim of unhelpful habits, just like me.  I also find it useful to remember, happy people are not in the business of being critical or judgmental of others.  Compassion for him and me too, is the most appropriate response 

DO - from that wise spot 
And that is what I did - when we drew level at the lights and he was glaring across at me, I smiled and said "Please be kind".  FULL STOP.  

I am not in control of how the other person responds to my 'please be kind', but I know I have heard myself say it, which reminds me to be kind to others and myself.  And they have heard it too, even if it appears they haven't. The driver opposite me looked a little bemused and then returned my smile.  Even if he had continued to be critical - I would have tried to remember to be compassionate toward him and myself 

I find this a very useful strategy to deal with criticism, as it prevents the criticism ping pong match that inevitably leads to disaster. I have used it many times as a parent, (remembering the full stop - as it is so tempting to go on with the justification and criticism). As I said, it also helps me to remember to be kind to myself as well.  We are all doing our best, with what we know at the time. Mistakes are how we learn. I have found, PLEASE BE KIND, with compassion for myself and others very helpful.  Maybe you will too.
 
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If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

​Do you have some unhelpful habits?  Like most of us I come equipped with a colourful range of habits, some of which could do with a rethink.  For me, my most unhelpful or worst habit is busyness.

Mabel, one of our chickens, reminded me of this again last night.  Mabel laid her third spongy egg last night.  She had a bit of a wobbly day yesterday and did not put herself to bed with Myrtle, last night. We were exploring around the garden with our torches late last night trying to find her.  Finally, we found her with her nestled in the dirt, her spongy egg by her side. I tucked her up in bed with Myrtle, and reflected on what she was reminding me.  After the second spongy egg incident I had rung Patty at Eggcelent Chickens - she had told me she thought Mabel may have been stressed and rushed her egg through, not allowing for time for the shell to form properly.  OMG - that is me rushing around forgetting to take the time to recoup and rest so I can keep going.
In the 'Overcommitment, Why? The Busyness Trap' blog  I wrote about busyness and how 

• Our society promotes busyness as something to be valued and a way to make us feel important.  So not true.
• Often we can make ourselves very busy in order to avoid doing or distract ourselves from, what is best for us to do.  

But, no shirking my responsibility here.  For me, these days 'busyness' it is more the distraction thing. As Mabel was reminding me, I often get myself so busy doing stuff that I neglect doing what would be more helpful to do. STOP AND TAKE A REST.  

These past weeks I have found myself running around like crazy, procasta-sewing and procasta-baking.  I have been making octopus costumes, painting yellow submarines, sewing pyjamas, paper maché-ing disco balls, for our tap concert and baking chocolate cakes, biscuits and bread. I have loved doing all of this,as I so love a good crafter noon and time in the kitchen.  But, I was reminded by Mabel, often what we are best at points to what we are worst at.  So I am best at being busy (or active, as my friend Monique says) and not so good at taking a rest.  So when is it  good to be lazy or to take a rest? It is good to take a rest to refuel so I can continue to do my best to be active for others, joyfully.  So maybe some, time on the couch reading or a 5 minute recharge, is what is needed.
For me, busyness and laziness are two sides of the same 'distraction coin'. They both, prevent us from doing what needs to be done. What needs to be done can include to take a rest or prioritise doing something.  Balance is important - there are times for activity and times for rest too.  

The ancient texts on mindfulness and meditation have lists of obstacles to remaining mindful during meditation and at other times.  Number one on the list is laziness (or busyness), the others include, lack of perseverance, excessive effort and distraction.  
Interestingly the texts explain that the

• Antidote for getting distracted or busy with less important things is to  establish priorities, and to remember that ordinary activity is endless
• Antidote for distraction or forgetting to be mindful, is to remember what we are trying to be mindful of - to make our and others lives happier and be that positive force in the world.  

So instead of remembering what I remind others of each week in yoga, I forgot to take care of myself so I can continue to be a positive force in the world. Some things that I find helpful to remember are 

• Remember that busyness is a state of mind we can control
• Take a rest, so we can continue to be available for others and be that positive force in the world.  Tired, grumpy, resentful Maree is no use to anyone.  
• Compassion. We all forget at times.  What can I learn from this situation?
• Ask others for help (I am getting better at this) - gives them an opportunity to feel good too
• Establish priorities
• Be aware of distractions - both being too busy or lazy - and do your best to prioritise what needs to be done (which can include a rest)
• Avoid multitasking 
• Remember being busy does not make us valued or important.  Doing our best with whatever situation arises is always best. 
• Take that 5 minute rest break during the day - at least once each and every day. 
• Remember why we are trying to be more mindful and establish a meditation practice - to make our lives happier and be that positive force in the world
• Doing a stock take of your time and resources and saying respectfully 'no', if you need to
• Remember impermanence each morning (along with gratitude) so we can remember our lives are finite and to make the most of each and every day to do the best we can with whatever comes up.  That way we can live our lives without regret.

Maybe you might find it useful to add to your morning gratitude practice a reminder about impermanence and doing your best to make the most of every day.  I find this very motivating to get on and do what I need to do (including remembering to take a rest)

Feeling very grateful to share with you all.  Thank You.
I am off to take my 5 minute rest now 

Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

Do you ever wake up feeling grumpy, stressed  or with that feeling of gloom and doom about the day ahead?  I did this last Sunday morning. It reminded me, of how years ago I had been in the habit of doing this. I was working across town and would wake each morning and hop aboard that 'grumpy negative thought train'.  I would have thoughts like, Oh no, I don't want to get up, I've got to drive to work in all that traffic, I have so many people to see and reports to write and its raining!! 

So in years gone by and on Sunday morning Instead of seeing the many positives about my amazing life, I was choosing to see all the negatives. I did not realise that I had a choice. I also did not realise, the choice I was making to board the grumpy negative train was making me very unhappy. And on Sunday I forgot I had that choice.

Fortunately, many years ago I received some wise advice and turned that negative unhelpful habit around.  In last week's blog, 'Myth Busting Mindfulness and Meditation' I shared how I find it useful to think of mindfulness as simply remembering to pay attention to what is happening and meditation as thinking about or putting my mind on something (useful).  

I was introduced to a very simple mindfulness meditation many years ago, it is now a well established helpful habit of mine, except for when I occasionally forget.  It is, simply to remember to wake up grateful.  I introduced this in last weeks blog, and thought it might be helpful to elaborate on as a reminder for us all, including me. This simple practice has turned around my grumpy morning mindset habit into a grateful one instead. 

So what happened last Sunday? I woke feeling grumpy.  I was aware of feeling this discontent and  instead of remembering to be grateful for what was going right I forgot and choose to board that grumpy thought train.  "I was tired, hadn't slept so well, our 30th wedding anniversary camping trip had a few hiccups, including mechanical problems with our camper.  STOP.   Yay, my mindfulness/memory kicked in - remember to be grateful.

There was of course so much to be grateful for.  I had woken up for a start, have been married for 30 years (what a wonderful assignment from the cosmos), have a great family and an amazing life full of so many blessings.  So after remembering my morning gratitude practice I got up feeling grateful and decided to embrace whatever our 30th anniversary Grampians adventure looked like.  And look where we ended up - here in the beautiful Royal Mail Hotel in Dunkeld.  I am so grateful for 30 years of fun, frustration, laughter, tears and joy and the wonderful family and friends with whom I share my life, with all its ups and downs and interesting twists and turns.

Maybe you find it fun to start a morning gratitude practice too.  Here are some things I find it useful to remember to be grateful for.

• For Others - you can go wild here. It is amazing, when we stop to think about it, we couldn't survive for a second without all the kindness of others, mostly unknown to us. The farmers that grow our food and the animals that produce it too.  Those workers that harvest, process, pack and transport it.  Those who make and sell all the goods, like appliances, clothes, furniture and cars that give us the comfortable life we have.  Those who provide our services like roads, water, and electricity.  Those who teach us and care for us. Each morning as I have my breakfast I try to remember to be thankful to all those involved in what I eat, including Mabel and Myrtle for their eggcelent eggs.    
• For our amazing lives- All the many comforts we enjoy.  We live in a safe county with abundant resources.  We have safety, food, shelter, and access to education.
•  For Nature - we have so many wonders of nature to enjoy - our beautiful bush, parks, rivers, beaches and gardens and all the amazing flora and fauna within them.
• For ourselves - remembering to be grateful for us too.  Being grateful and happy about  all those ways in which we are all a positive force in the world.  

Giving it a go - Ways to practice gratitude 
Gratitude is guaranteed to make your happier. You don't have to restrict gratitude to the morning -

• Wake up GRATEFUL - Each morning when you wake, think about - meditate on - all the things that are going right in your life and be grateful for them.  We have amazing lives with so much going right, but often we forget to concentrate on that, and instead unhelpfully think about what is going wrong.  I have found this simple practice a life changing way to start my day.  
• You can mindfully remember to be grateful all day long.  Meals are a great reminder
• Do a gratitude meditation. You can tack it onto the end of the mindfulness breath meditation recorded here. I always start my meditation with this 8 minute - 'Here and Now Breath Meditation' meditation. I find it useful to then go on to do a gratitude meditation by simply thinking about all I am grateful for. 
• Keep a gratitude journal - this really helps us remember to be grateful 
• I have decided to make some 'Feeling Grateful pyjamas' for Christmas this year. Hopefully they will serve as a reminder.  

Feeling very grateful to share with you all.  Thank You.
Have fun being grateful

Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

Have you heard of mindfulness and meditation? Have you read or experienced any of their benefits? Is it time to understand more about mindfulness and meditation and how we can use them to change habits of letting unhelpful past memories or future worry run our lives? We have heard the word mindfulness bandied around everywhere, its easy for us to forget what it actually means.  It is also easy for us to take a relatively simple concept like mindfulness, and make it extremely complex. I have greatly appreciated what I have been fortunate to learn about mindfulness and meditation and hope it helps you to understand them a bit more too.  

Over the month, we have added a few tools to our tool kit.  These have included the A&B3 breaths practice and the ABCD to help us overcome unhelpful worry habits. Now its time to introduce mindfulness and meditation, very useful tools indeed to add to our tool box, to promote our happiness and peace of mind.
 
What is mindfulness? 

• Mindfulness is the new craze - everyone is talking about its benefits to our health and well being. There are many books and courses on it. It is being taught in the workplace and schools and is marketed as a powerful tool.  We have heard so much about mindfulness and heard the word over and over in many contexts.  This constant exposure to mindfulness can cause us to firstly, forget what the word actually means and secondly to take this relatively simple concept and make it extremely complex.  
• Mindfulness simply means to be aware or to remember - to remember to pay attention to what is happening here and now in the present.  It is being fully aware moment-to-moment of everything that is arising within and around you. Wow - I don't know about you, but that sounds tricky to do all the time. What I find doable is to try to be aware when I am distracted from what is happening now and bring my mind back, to respond in helpful ways.  
• Where do we go when we drift away from what is happening in the present? We drift into the past and future.  We go out of the present, thinking about what has already happened in the past or what the future may or may not bring, We are robbed of enjoying the present, when we are taken out of it by feelings and thoughts of worry about the future or resentment about the past.  It is not possible (or desirable) to stop thinking about the past and the future, but we can, through being aware or mindful, think about them in more helpful ways in the present.   
• Mindfulness, remembering or being aware, helps us understand the nature of our perceptions and the benefits in not attaching to them or rejecting them.  It allows us to instead be the nonjudgmental witness of them.   
• Mindfulness has its roots in the Indian spiritual traditions, including Buddhism

But lets keep it s simple and practical here, and start out to develop a simple mindfulness breath meditation practice - Mindfulness simply means to remember to be aware of what is happening.  To pay attention to what is going on.  
 
What is Meditation?

• Meditation means to pay attention or to concentrate.  To Habituate the mind to a set of thoughts. (much better for them to be helpful ways of thinking) 
• Meditation is a neutral skill - its value depends on what we are meditating on.  For example I can spend lots of time meditating on how angry I am at someone who hurt me, which of course is not a helpful object to meditate on.  Or alternately I can spend time meditating on forgiveness or gratitude which are very useful things to meditate on.  
• Meditation does not need to be associated with a particular religion or tradition 
• Meditation aims to habituate the mind to more helpful ways of thinking, we all have minds and every one of us can meditate in this way
• Meditation is a skill we can all develop.  In fact it is kill we already have.  As I said we are meditating when we can't stop thinking about how someone has hurt us or when we are totally focused on a movie.  
• The challenge for us with meditation is to learn to control what we are meditating on and habituate the mind to meditate on things that are useful and that will help us live more meaningful lives.  This takes practice and a regular meditation habit.  
• Meditation is a particularly important skill for us to develop in this computer/information bombardment era.  We are gradually becoming are of the disadvantages of this constant information bombardment on our concentration and peace of mind.  
• Awareness of some of the harmful effects of technology on our concentration, attention and peace of mind, has aroused interest in meditation as a survival skill.  Meditation can help us regain control of our minds and where we put our attention, rather than allow technology to be in control of where we direct our attention and scattering it.   

What Meditation and Mindfulness are NOT

• Selfish - One of the goals of meditation and mindfulness is to stop the obsession with our selves and to cultivate more altruism, therefore it is not selfish.  Meditation helps us to be the best we can for others. 
• Obsessing about ourselves - overthinking how we are feeling etc.  Meditation and mindfulness allows us time to develop helpful ways of thinking, which are about connecting to and benefiting others, not about worrying more about ourselves.  
• Trying to create a void - Meditation is not about creating a void by trying to block out thoughts
• Analysing the past and predicting the future - going over the past in unhelpful ways and worrying about the future are not helpful ways to meditate.  Meditation helps us to use memories and futuristic thought in helpful ways in the present. 
• Simply a process of relaxation - Meditation can be relaxing because it allows us to detach from the ego, however this is not the principal ai of meditation.
• A means of escaping reality - meditation aims to give us a clearer view or reality, not to escape it.
• Ethically good or bad - Meditation and mindfulness are ethically neutral skills.  They are neither good nor bad from their own side.  Their value depends o what we are meditating on or mindful of habituating the mind to.  The object we focus the mind on is intended to be virtuous, which helps develop positive human qualities.  Neuro-plasticity, the brains ability to evolve, allows the development of these new neural pathways or helpful ways of thinking, which are conducive to our happiness and the happiness of others.

Giving it a go.
There are many things we could discuss re meditation and mindfulness - benefits, ways to do it, setting up a practice, lifestyle considerations etc. We will go on to explore some of these during the November blogs.  
But, for now why don't you do these 2 simple things.

• Give the mindfulness breath meditation recorded here a go. I always start my meditation with this 8 minute - 'Here and Now Breath Meditation' meditation. I will talk more about this meditation in the coming weeks. Let me know how you go, or if you would like to know some more about establishing a meditation practice.   Or if you would like to join our Sunday mediation classes, in person or via Skype.  maree@pom-melbourne.com  
• Wake up GRATEFUL - Each morning when you wake, think about - meditate on - all the things that are going right in your life and be grateful for them.  We have amazing lives with so much going right, but often we forget to concentrate on that, and instead unhelpfully think about what is going wrong.  I have found this simple practice a life changing way to start my day.  

Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​
​