Do you ever feel the need to make a stand for something you believe in and speak your truth, even when it is hard and you feel a bit like you are swimming against the tide? I feel this way about choosing the cheap and easy option over connecting with others. The online world and technology offers me many cheap and easy ways to do so many things like, buying any consumer good imaginable,organise travel, accommodation, do banking, buy take away food, check out my groceries, watch movies, organise transport, and communicate with others. But who, is missing out when I take the cheap and easy option? I am. And what am I missing out on? Connection with others. I am also missing out on an opportunity to support my local community. And it makes me lonely. As George Monbiot explores in his Guardian article 'The age of loneliness is killing us'. Technology is amazing, and has brought us so many wonderful things, but I think I need to aware of some of the downs sides as well. And a big downside for me is choosing the cheap and easy option i often means I am missing out on connection and community. As humans, we are social creatures who cannot survive without and prosper without love and connection. The truth is we are interdependent with others and our environment - we would not be able to live for a second without the kindness of others and nature. So with this growing awareness i decided to devote last Tuesday to being mindful of choosing connection over cheap and easy. There was a book, I was interested to buy on 'living more sustainably in the suburbs'. I had found it on a website and was just about to order it on Amazon when I remembered I was choosing connection and support over cheap and easy. So, I decided to order it from my local bookshop. Next, I wanted to plan a trip to Tassie to visit my dad. Again, online I went and was about to book. Fortunately again I remembered, and decided to go to our local travel agent. Next, I had some banking to do and some bills to pay. Again, I went to my computer. No, I would go to the bank and post office instead. So, off I went to my local shopping centre to order the book, book the airfares to Tassie, and go to the bank, supermarket and post office. It took me longer and probably cost a little more, but I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with and support others. I love our local bookshop and the people there, I met a lovely young travel agent, Rosie who was just starting out, shared with the bank teller, went to the check out person and had a fun conversation, went to my local fruit and vegetable shop and had fun with the great family there too. I also had the opportunity to be outdoors and enjoy the beautiful gardens and the others going about their days. In contrast I would have spent the time alone at home on my computer getting the jobs done faster and more economically, but at what cost? I would have been lonely and missed the wonderful opportunity to connect with and support my local community. I realize I am very fortunate to have this opportunity to choose. Many don't, they do not have the awareness, knowledge, education or resources, including money and time, which make such choices possible. I do not want to stand in judgement of myself or others, but instead share the wonderful benefits I am grateful to have found when I chose to do my best to connect and support others. For me, they far outweigh the ease and money saving, lure of the technological alternative. We need to remember to be compassionate and kind to ourselves and others. The changes do not need to be big or all at once, but maybe you have some opportunities to be more aware, and give connection and support to others, too. I hope so. Here are some ways to connect I find it useful to try to remember. You might want to give them a try.
AWARE - to be aware of prioritising connection and support over ease and saving money. BREATHE - do 3 mindful breaths. This allowed me the freedom to respond from that wise spot, instead of reacting from the unhelpful habit of criticising back. Or criticising myself either. CONNECT with KINDNESS What came up, from that wise spot was CONNECT AND SUPPORT OTHERS DO - from that wise spot And that is what I did - gratefully, went off to the local shops to connect and support. Thank you subscribers As always it is wonderful to connect and share with you. I better hop of my computer and go and connect with others. If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here. Have a peaceful fun and happy week Kind regards Maree xx If you would like to connect with me please email me here maree@pom-melbourne.com
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Do you ever play criticism ping pong, where one critical comment leads to a quick defensive, critical shot back. Unhelpfully, I used to be an expert player, especially with teenage children in the house. We'd have matches on all sorts of topics, including mismanagement of the food in the pantry, over-contol, limit setting, responsible parenting, respect, and tidying up.
It is so easy to to slip into the habit of criticising back, when we are criticised. I remembered or was mindful of this last week when I watched my mind quickly build its defence case, for criticising back a driver who was frustrated with me for not passing a tram. The driver, expressed his frustration by giving me the two finder salute, the OMG arms up in horror and a toot. I could see all this happening in my rear vision mirror and watched my mind ready to give the criticism back and defend my position. Fortunately, I remembered a much more helpful response and avoided a criticism ping pong match disaster. As I have mentioned previously this month, I find it useful to think of mindfulness as simply remembering to pay attention to what is happening and meditation, as thinking about or putting the mind on something (useful). Criticising back never helps, even though oddly, somehow defending ourselves seems helpful. I am not recommending being a doormat either, as it is important to speak our truth in order to help others prevent harm. It is not helpful to let others abuse us, it is not good for them. So, how do we speak our truth in helpful ways. And, how do we speak to ourselves without criticism and judgement either? I don't know about you, but I can speak to myself very harshly, often more unkindly that I would ever speak to anyone else. The Answer is KINDLY. Be that kind encouraging friend to ourselves and others. So when I had my criticism button pushed by the other drivers, stares, gestures and beeps, instead of criticising back, I mindfully remembered a more helpful response - The ABCD AWARE - to be aware that my criticism button had been pushed and that criticising back was not going to be helpful, BREATHE - do 3 mindful breaths. This allowed me the freedom to respond from that wise spot, instead of reacting from the unhelpful habit of criticising back. Or criticising myself either. CONNECT with KINDNESS What came up, from that wise spot was PLEASE BE KIND'. FULL STOP And I thought to myself - I am doing my best - I felt I couldn't safely overtake the tram, and that is ok. And the other driver is doing his best too. How do I know why he is in such a hurry. He is a victim of unhelpful habits, just like me. I also find it useful to remember, happy people are not in the business of being critical or judgmental of others. Compassion for him and me too, is the most appropriate response DO - from that wise spot And that is what I did - when we drew level at the lights and he was glaring across at me, I smiled and said "Please be kind". FULL STOP. I am not in control of how the other person responds to my 'please be kind', but I know I have heard myself say it, which reminds me to be kind to others and myself. And they have heard it too, even if it appears they haven't. The driver opposite me looked a little bemused and then returned my smile. Even if he had continued to be critical - I would have tried to remember to be compassionate toward him and myself I find this a very useful strategy to deal with criticism, as it prevents the criticism ping pong match that inevitably leads to disaster. I have used it many times as a parent, (remembering the full stop - as it is so tempting to go on with the justification and criticism). As I said, it also helps me to remember to be kind to myself as well. We are all doing our best, with what we know at the time. Mistakes are how we learn. I have found, PLEASE BE KIND, with compassion for myself and others very helpful. Maybe you will too. Thank you subscribers If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here. Have a peaceful fun and happy week Kind regards Maree xx Do you have some unhelpful habits? Like most of us I come equipped with a colourful range of habits, some of which could do with a rethink. For me, my most unhelpful or worst habit is busyness.
Mabel, one of our chickens, reminded me of this again last night. Mabel laid her third spongy egg last night. She had a bit of a wobbly day yesterday and did not put herself to bed with Myrtle, last night. We were exploring around the garden with our torches late last night trying to find her. Finally, we found her with her nestled in the dirt, her spongy egg by her side. I tucked her up in bed with Myrtle, and reflected on what she was reminding me. After the second spongy egg incident I had rung Patty at Eggcelent Chickens - she had told me she thought Mabel may have been stressed and rushed her egg through, not allowing for time for the shell to form properly. OMG - that is me rushing around forgetting to take the time to recoup and rest so I can keep going. In the 'Overcommitment, Why? The Busyness Trap' blog I wrote about busyness and how
These past weeks I have found myself running around like crazy, procasta-sewing and procasta-baking. I have been making octopus costumes, painting yellow submarines, sewing pyjamas, paper maché-ing disco balls, for our tap concert and baking chocolate cakes, biscuits and bread. I have loved doing all of this,as I so love a good crafter noon and time in the kitchen. But, I was reminded by Mabel, often what we are best at points to what we are worst at. So I am best at being busy (or active, as my friend Monique says) and not so good at taking a rest. So when is it good to be lazy or to take a rest? It is good to take a rest to refuel so I can continue to do my best to be active for others, joyfully. So maybe some, time on the couch reading or a 5 minute recharge, is what is needed. For me, busyness and laziness are two sides of the same 'distraction coin'. They both, prevent us from doing what needs to be done. What needs to be done can include to take a rest or prioritise doing something. Balance is important - there are times for activity and times for rest too. The ancient texts on mindfulness and meditation have lists of obstacles to remaining mindful during meditation and at other times. Number one on the list is laziness (or busyness), the others include, lack of perseverance, excessive effort and distraction. Interestingly the texts explain that the
Feeling very grateful to share with you all. Thank You. I am off to take my 5 minute rest now Thank you subscribers If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here. Have a peaceful fun and happy week Kind regards Maree xx Do you ever wake up feeling grumpy, stressed or with that feeling of gloom and doom about the day ahead? I did this last Sunday morning. It reminded me, of how years ago I had been in the habit of doing this. I was working across town and would wake each morning and hop aboard that 'grumpy negative thought train'. I would have thoughts like, Oh no, I don't want to get up, I've got to drive to work in all that traffic, I have so many people to see and reports to write and its raining!!
So in years gone by and on Sunday morning Instead of seeing the many positives about my amazing life, I was choosing to see all the negatives. I did not realise that I had a choice. I also did not realise, the choice I was making to board the grumpy negative train was making me very unhappy. And on Sunday I forgot I had that choice. Fortunately, many years ago I received some wise advice and turned that negative unhelpful habit around. In last week's blog, 'Myth Busting Mindfulness and Meditation' I shared how I find it useful to think of mindfulness as simply remembering to pay attention to what is happening and meditation as thinking about or putting my mind on something (useful). I was introduced to a very simple mindfulness meditation many years ago, it is now a well established helpful habit of mine, except for when I occasionally forget. It is, simply to remember to wake up grateful. I introduced this in last weeks blog, and thought it might be helpful to elaborate on as a reminder for us all, including me. This simple practice has turned around my grumpy morning mindset habit into a grateful one instead. So what happened last Sunday? I woke feeling grumpy. I was aware of feeling this discontent and instead of remembering to be grateful for what was going right I forgot and choose to board that grumpy thought train. "I was tired, hadn't slept so well, our 30th wedding anniversary camping trip had a few hiccups, including mechanical problems with our camper. STOP. Yay, my mindfulness/memory kicked in - remember to be grateful. There was of course so much to be grateful for. I had woken up for a start, have been married for 30 years (what a wonderful assignment from the cosmos), have a great family and an amazing life full of so many blessings. So after remembering my morning gratitude practice I got up feeling grateful and decided to embrace whatever our 30th anniversary Grampians adventure looked like. And look where we ended up - here in the beautiful Royal Mail Hotel in Dunkeld. I am so grateful for 30 years of fun, frustration, laughter, tears and joy and the wonderful family and friends with whom I share my life, with all its ups and downs and interesting twists and turns. Maybe you find it fun to start a morning gratitude practice too. Here are some things I find it useful to remember to be grateful for.
Gratitude is guaranteed to make your happier. You don't have to restrict gratitude to the morning -
Have fun being grateful Thank you subscribers If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here. Have a peaceful fun and happy week Kind regards Maree xx Have you heard of mindfulness and meditation? Have you read or experienced any of their benefits? Is it time to understand more about mindfulness and meditation and how we can use them to change habits of letting unhelpful past memories or future worry run our lives? We have heard the word mindfulness bandied around everywhere, its easy for us to forget what it actually means. It is also easy for us to take a relatively simple concept like mindfulness, and make it extremely complex. I have greatly appreciated what I have been fortunate to learn about mindfulness and meditation and hope it helps you to understand them a bit more too.
Over the month, we have added a few tools to our tool kit. These have included the A&B3 breaths practice and the ABCD to help us overcome unhelpful worry habits. Now its time to introduce mindfulness and meditation, very useful tools indeed to add to our tool box, to promote our happiness and peace of mind. What is mindfulness?
What is Meditation?
What Meditation and Mindfulness are NOT
Giving it a go. There are many things we could discuss re meditation and mindfulness - benefits, ways to do it, setting up a practice, lifestyle considerations etc. We will go on to explore some of these during the November blogs. But, for now why don't you do these 2 simple things.
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here. Have a peaceful fun and happy week Kind regards Maree xx |
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