​How do you feel when others appear ungrateful or even disapproving of you or the efforts you have made? I have been seeing a bit of ingratitude and disapproval this week and have been reminded of some helpful ways to deal with these situations, including finding the hidden gems these so called 'troublemakers' bring us and hence why we can be grateful for them.

Last week we explored the meaning and many benefits of being grateful. Our Thursday group has been studying a text entitled The Guide To The Bodhisattvas Way of Life and last week we explored the pitfalls of pride and seeking approval in others. As I have previously said, this text is a guide to living a good life. Pema Chodron in her commentary on the text refers to the value of what she calls 'troublemakers'!

Troublemakers can refer to anyone who pushes our buttons, be it the person who is ungrateful, disapproving or irritating. Our next few blogs will explore the value of such people in our lives This week we will look at the benefits of having the first of these so called 'troublemakers' in our lives, the ungrateful troublemaker!

Do you have any ungrateful troublemakers in your life? I have had many over the years and failed to understand or see the value of them in my life.

So what things are helpful to remember when we encounter those so called troublemakers who appear ungrateful or even disapproving of us?  Let's start with those people we experience as ungrateful.

The Benefits of the Ungrateful Troublemaker
I often find myself seeking thanks or recognition for something I have done. While it is nice to receive such thanks and helpful to remember to give thanks too, we cannot control whether others show appreciation to us or not!

So when that troublemaker, appears not to notice, appreciate or acknowledge some kindness we have shown what is a helpful response? I can often feel resentful when others do no show appreciation of my efforts. Acknowledging this feeling of resentment and then remembering I have a choice in how I respond is helpful. As I have said many times it is never helpful to deny or suppress such feelings. Once acknowledged we can work skilfully with them.

So what is helpful to remember when those feelings of resentment regarding a perceived lack of appreciation pop up?

• Being ungrateful is not conducive to our happiness. Those who are not able to express gratitude for whatever reason are not happy, or creating the causes for future happiness. Such people  are deserving of our compassion and not our judgment and criticism.
• It never feels good when others are not able to be thankful or complimentary. These people are reminding us to as Ghandi says 'to be the 'change we want to see in the world' by being grateful. We can be grateful to them for reminding us to be grateful.
• To be grateful for ourselves. As I said, we cannot control whether others express gratitude for our efforts or not, but, we can control our own minds. We can give ourselves gratitude for the efforts we make to be 'better for others'. We can appreciate all those kind things we do for others, no matter how small, and be grateful to ourselves for being the kind of person who is interested in being kind! So again the ungrateful troublemaker is providing us with a beautiful reminder not to seek gratitude or approval outside of ourselves. More about this next week.

We will continue our exploration of the value of troublemakers in our lives next week.

My Gratitude practice  

1. Wake up grateful 
2. Gratitude for the spotlighted person this week .. fathers. We can do this practice of gratitude with both those who are living and those no longer with us. 

My personal gratitude practice this week will include...

• Gratitude to my father for my amazing life and all the care, teaching, love and opportunities he selflessly gave to me. This of course includes many sleepless nights, working tirelessly to provide for my education and to put a roof over our heads and provide our family with all we needed.
• Gratitude also for the times he was a 'troublemaker' and provided me opportunities to develop virtues such as patience, humility, forgiveness and compassion for myself and for him too.

As we said last week the definition of gratitude has  two parts,

• Firstly, a readiness to show appreciation.
• And secondly a readiness to return kindness.

So my gratitude practice this week includes showing gratitude for my dad in my journal and remembering to thank him personally as well. It also includes reflecting on and planing for how to return that kindness and being grateful for all including the perceived ungrateful troublemakers in my life! 
Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

​As we said last week, If BEING CONTENT is the cure for our discontent, GRATITUDE is the gateway to that Contentment.
So what is gratitude? Gratitude is defined as 'a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness'. Gratitude is the key to happiness in our everyday lives and the gateway to true happiness and contentment. 

Scientific studies repeatedly confirm what we know is the truth. Grateful people are happier people. Neurosciences' understanding of neuroplasticity, or the plastic and changeable nature of our brain and mind, has confirmed that when we choose to be positive and grateful we create and strengthen the neural pathways that promote our health, happiness and well being. 
Our thoughts create our reality. We feel content, abundant, happy and optimistic, when we choose...

• The positive instead of negativity
• What is going right instead of what is going wrong 
• What we have instead of what we lack

Conversely when we choose to focus on negativity, what is going wrong and what is lacking we feel discontent, unhappy, and lacking. 

There are many other benefits to being grateful including...

• Better health
• Instantly makes us feel happier
• Feeling of optimism 
• A positive future outlook 
• Peace of mind 
• Helps us to overcome the tendency to blame and criticise ourselves and others 
• Helps us to understand that often our greatest challenges bring us our greatest lessons and opportunities to grow

Interestingly, gratitude does not relate to our circumstances. Gratitude is an attitude we choose, no matter what circumstances we find our selves in. As Dieter Uchtdorf says 'We can choose to be grateful no matter what'. Some of the poorest people are often the most grateful and happy. And often those with the most are discontent and ungrateful. As David Steindl-Rast reminds us 'Happiness is not what makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us happy'. 

So there are lots  of reasons to start a practice of gratitude. Why not join me in a...

Morning Gratitude practice  

1. Wake up grateful 
2. Gratitude for the spotlighted person this week .. our mothers

1.  Wake up Grateful
I can remember not too many years ago waking up full of moans and groans about getting up, the weather, the day ahead, getting to work in the traffic, and challenging patients. This was creating an unhelpful habit that was certainly not conducive to a positive, happy outlook. 
These days I try to remember to wake up grateful instead of allowing that negative soundtrack to take me to that unhappy place. 
We can start by being grateful for waking up!! And go on from there concentrating on all the things that are going right and our blessed lives. 

2.  Gratitude for my spotlighted person of the week .. my mum
Maybe a review of the 'resentment verses appreciation' blogs might be useful here. As I outlined in these blogs, some people may have suffered deep pain, hurt or abandonment, and I am not suggesting trivialising or ignoring these feelings.  It can be difficult to forgive and let go of deep hurt and resentment and may take time and therapy to do so.

I find it helpful to be aware of how easy it can be for me to slip into  negativity and resentment and replay that unhelpful soundtrack over and over. It is much more helpful to instead remember, to choose gratitude over resentment and that gratitude promotes positivity and happiness. And there is plenty to be grateful to my mother for - my life for one and all the sacrifices she made to bring me into the world. 

My personal gratitude practice this week will include...

• Gratitude to my mother for my amazing life and all the care, teaching, love and opportunities she selflessly gave to me. This of course includes many sleepless nights, working tirelessly at making my clothes, cooking meals, washing, ironing and working as a supervisor to give me education opportunities. 
• Gratitude also for the opportunities she gives me to develop virtues such as patience, humility, forgiveness and compassion for myself and her too. All the times she helped me overcome my tendency to be 'too big for my boots' And taught me humility. More about this next week.

Interestingly the definition of gratitude has  two parts,

• firstly, a readiness to show appreciation for
• and secondly a readiness to return kindness.

So my gratitude practice includes showing gratitude for my mum in my journal and remembering to thank her personally too, It also includes reflecting on and planing for how to return that kindness. Having an older mum with doctors appointments and mobility restrictions gives me lots of opportunities to repay the kindness she has shown and continues to show me. Thank you Mum.


Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​