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Like most of us I have had lots going on this past month. While it is easy to get caught up in the frenzy and business of the festive season I have been trying to be mindful of four things, relaxation, generosity, appreciation and the secret of happiness. Thankfully these are states of mind I can cultivate to be better FOR others and a more positive force in the world. So I am doing my best to give them a go!
1. RELAX Staying relaxed this time of year, especially when there is so much to do can be tricky Some things I find helpful to remember are ...
2. GENERORSITY
4. THE SECRET OF HAPPINESS As I am sure your know, the secret of our own happiness lies in doing our best to benefit others! So instead of feeling sad, sorry for, stressed and anxious about ourselves bringing to mind others and what we can do to benefit them is the way to go! We all love to feel we are being of some use and benefit to others. It makes us feel happier. This together with the social aspect of being with others and connecting together to be a positive force in the world, enhances our self esteem and gives our lives meaning. Hilary, our 90 year POM embroider, wrote a beautiful card to us all recently, which I think encapsulates these sentiments perfectly, it reads.... To all the POM team members (I love the fact it was not addressed to Sue or I, but rather inclusive of us all!) Many thanks for including me. It makes all the difference to feel I am being useful. Tons of love Hilary. And another quote from Lilla Watson If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is tied up with mine, then let us work together. And from the Dalai Lama The true meaning of life "We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives. If you contribute to other people's happiness you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life". So this is what POM is about Appreciation, Inclusion, Connection, and Generosity. It is about us all working together for mutual benefit - promoting peace of mind, well being and meaning. So lets celebrate together all our efforts, no matter how small, to be a kind, positive force in the world! My heartfelt love, appreciation and gratitude to you all. Kind Regards Maree xx If you'd like to connect further, please get in touch to ... Find out more about us and pom-melbourne Email me maree@pom-melbourne.com to
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Last fortnight we explored loving and appreciating ourselves and resting in our kind intention, when things don't go as planned. This fortnight we will raise the bar a little and see if we can do our best to have a compassionate, kind and respectful attitude to all. And show love and appreciation when things get tricky or go wrong! I notice how differently I respond when I can come from a position of giving that love and appreciation to myself instead of attempting to manipulate others and circumstance to try to get it! Equally helpful is to let go of judgement, blame and criticism of myself or others. As we said last blog, we cannot control outer circumstances, including how others respond to us. The thing that is in our control is our mind - and being kind and respectful to ourselves and others is always helpful and conducive to our peace of mind and well being. Kellie Edwards wrote of Alan Wallace "Alan brings a concern for how he treats people (and ourselves too!) - with kindness and respect - and this is something he can control - rather than how it will be received, which is outside his control. He is pleased if people find it helpful and show appreciation but his well being is not hinged on receiving that feedback' Because as we know we can give it to ourselves! When things go wrong my default habit is often to blame myself or others. I often give myself a hard time and need to bring those high expectation birds to fly a little lower. I have been trying to be mindful of resting in my good intention and being a more of a kind encouraging friend to myself, instead of that judging, blaming, critical one. So what happens when things go really wrong, can I still rest in my kind intention and give myself love and appreciation for doing my best, instead of a hard time or guilt trip, despite external circumstances? My more helpful thoughts include the kind encouraging friend ones like.... 'I am dong my best' 'it's like this now, what is my wisest response' "I love and appreciate myself and others (even the tricky ones teaching me patience, compassion and forgiveness!) Last week I phoned a friend to invite them for dinner. My friend was not having such a good day, and my invitation was met with some negativity! I was reminded of Alan Wallace's words above and Thich Nhat Hanh wise advice 'When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over, He does not need punishment; he needs help. That is the message he is sending'. They were needing to have a bit of a rant and rave about their NBN hassles and other things. So rather than punish them or myself with blame, judgment, or guilt I asked myself some questions. What was my intention? To extend a kind invitation. Can I control how that is received? Clearly not! So can I love and appreciate myself when I feel criticised and under appreciated? And can I not take things so personally? As the Dalai Lama reminds us "We often add to our pain and suffering by overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things and sometimes taking things to personally". So, yes I can rest in my kind intention, love and appreciate myself and not take things so personally. When I can do this and have compassion for myself and I can have compassion for them too. And love and appreciate them too. I can trust in the divine order of things and do my best to respond to whatever comes up. My friend Molly, a positive psychology teacher, recently shared a great way to respond when someone is having a bit of a rant and rave. She shared to let them run their rant dialogue without interrupting. Every time we interrupt someone who is having a bit of a rant over something they are upset about (even if it is to interject with a helpful comment) they need to start over again expressing their upset! A sigh is our clue that they have finished expressing their grievance. So during my phone conversation, where my friend who was needing to express upset over the NBN and other more personal tricky things, I did my best to resist the temptation to interject with some helpful advice and let them finish with a sigh. I was then free to respond more wisely, which may include, to say nothing or to validate their upset without blame or criticism. The trickier aspects of this conversation were more difficult, however remembering to be more compassionate, kind, loving and appreciative of all, including myself, really helped. Have a great fortnight - I look forward to connecting with you soon Kind Regards Maree xx I have been reminded recently how toxic it is to my peace of mind to compare myself to others, as better or worse! As Theodore Roosevelt says "Comparison is the thief of joy'. Comparison not only robs us of joy, it also disturbs our peace of mind and erodes our self esteem and well being.
So how do I stop the unhelpful habit of comparing myself to others? By being Mindful of, or paying attention to, what is going on. As we said last week we all have this ability, we just need to learn how to use it well. We can improve the quality of the attention we bring to our self talk, connection with others and situations? Remembering that a quality of attention informed by kindness and respect is always helpful. So how do I bring this kind, respectful attention to myself and others when I am tempted to compare myself to others. I find it helpful to question the truth of my judgemental and comparing thoughts and dust off more helpful replacement thoughts and responses to myself and others. It is important to acknowledge that we are all different - we all have different shapes, sizes, talents, habits, and personality traits, BUT there is no need to use these differences as a way to judge ourselves or others and feel superior or inferior! It may be more helpful to.......
Our culture provides us with many ways to compare ourselves to others, especially through social media. Often people present their best on social media - we really do not know what is happening in other's lives - kindness and compassion for others and ourselves is always helpful. Resisting the temptation to compare can be tricky, but well worth the effort. I often find myself in situations where I am tempted to compare myself in terms of my physical appearance, fitness, parenting skills and what my kids are up to, achievements, intellectual ability, and skills. Anything and everything really! I find it interesting to watch my mind around thoughts of comparison and that unhelpful habit I can have of ...
Kind Regards Maree xx If you'd like to connect further, please get in touch to ... Find out more about us and pom-melbourne Email me maree@pom-melbourne.com to
Subscribe to pom-melbourne.com to receive my weekly blog posts Ever feel a bit sad and sorry for yourself, when something goes wrong, or even for no knowable reason? I have been feeling a little this way lately, for no particular reason. Why it is tempting to give myself a hard time or to overindulge the feelings and feel sorry for myself, I have been thinking about more helpful ways to work with sadness.
Whether the sadness is deep or just a general melancholy or whether it relates to a major loss or even something that can't pinpoint there are some things we can do, that may be helpful. We are all different and some of these suggestions may or may not resonate with you. Whether they do or not, be mindful to remember to work with kindness and compassion for all, including yourself! As we have said Mindfulness is word which has received lots of attention and hype. As I understand it, it simply means to pay attention to what is going on. Mindfulness is not a skill that we need to develop, it is a skill we already have, a skill we are all constantly using. So, we don't need to develop this ability but we do need to learn how to use it well. Alan Wallace reminds us ".. if we find we are out of sorts, we can note that and not beat ourselves up, not judge ourselves". Instead, we can improve the quality of our attention we bring to our self talk, connection with others and situations? A quality of attention informed by kindness and respect. So what might be helpful to be mindful of, or simply remember, when I have the 'sads and sorry' for myself.....
Have a great fortnight - I look forward to connecting with you soon Kind Regards Maree xx If you'd like to connect further, please get in touch to ... Find out more about us and pom-melbourne Email me maree@pom-melbourne.com to
Subscribe to pom-melbourne.com to receive my weekly blog posts Ever feel unappreciated or unloved? I was reminded the other day how yucky it feels when I feel unappreciated, and how easily I can change that. One of my adult kids announced they were going vegetarian and asked if I could cook some interesting vegetarian meals. Well, I could give it a go, but could I give it a go without resentment or the need to be approved of or appreciated? Well here was the test!
I made an effort that evening to make some very fiddly veggie burgers with homemade sourdough rolls and tomato sauce. I really enjoyed doing it and was pleased with the result. I completed the prep and went to have my '5 Minute Relax Shavasana' (thank goodness!) Shortly after I received a text - "sorry mum, I am not home for dinner'. What!! I watched my mind go to all sorts of unhelpful places - resentment, blame, martyrdom, criticism! Helpful?? NO! So what was a more helpful place to go? To remember - 'it is like this now - What is a wise response?
So what I decided to do to remind myself of this and how differently I feel when I believe I can give myself love and appreciation, for the efforts I make to be a positive force in the world. It is completely different when I act from the position of feeling loved and appreciated, without trying to control getting it from outside myself! So what did I do to remind myself that I can love and appreciate myself?
Have a great fortnight - I look forward to connecting with you soon Kind Regards Maree xx If you'd like to connect further, please get in touch to ... Find out more about us and pom-melbourne Email me maree@pom-melbourne.com to
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