Ever feel like you are not supported by others? Many times I have fallen into the victim role feeling resentful of others for their perceived lack of support. it is easy to get into that negative spiral of feeling unappreciated and unloved especially when we have roles to play in supporting others.
It was interesting in Sri Lanka, to have first hand experience in understanding some of the challenges faced by the Haragama Shelter staff and to have the opportunity to offer some ideas for support, working together and connection. I use the word 'offer' because I want to remind myself of that unhelpful tendency I can have to try to fix a situation or to force my opinions on others, rather than to work together with them with respect and kindness. Aboriginal activist Lilla Watson's quote came to mind - If you have come here to help me you are wasting our time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then let us work together. Thank you Cindy for sharing this with me many years ago.
At one time or another we may feel unsupported by work colleges, friends, or family? Rather than getting into that victim mode and resenting others for their lack of support we can ask ourselves a simple question. Are we supporting ourselves? Are we taking care of ourselves, so we can care for others? Are we practicing balanced self care?
We experience the world around us as a reflection of our world within. This is clear to me when I wake up grumpy and negative, my whole world looks crappy. So if my thoughts and energy are not supportive (like when I am critical and negative and give myself a verbal bash up) then my life will not be supportive of me. And I will see that negativity everywhere. So I need to take responsibility for supporting myself!
So how can we support ourselves in any situation? We can take action by........
1. Saying something kind to ourselves. As I have said many times practice being that kind, supportive and encouraging friend to yourself and don't listen to that critical task master, who is speaking untruths!
2. Think an empowering thought. I am enough! I can do my best to get this done! I am strong! Its like this now. What is my wisest response!
3. Some balanced self care. This will be different for all os us and well worth exploring. It is about a little indulgence balanced with boundaries and kind discipline, so we feel safe and secure. Not a good idea, to eat the whole box of chocolates! Some suggestions include ....
4. Asking someone for help
I often think others should be able to read my mind and know that I need some help. But of course, they can't and besides, often they have their own issues going on and may be unaware of my difficulties, especially, if I appear to have things sorted.
One of the biggest ways that we do not support ourselves is by not asking for support! It often takes courages to ask for help, but it is well worth it, as it has the potential to benefit both us and our helper as well. And it strengthens and deepens our connection.
In Sri Lanka I had the opportunity to connect and work together with the women there to explore supporting ourselves and each other and balanced self care. I will share some of the fun things we did next blog.
In appreciation for you all. Have a great fortnight!