Lately, I have been having unwanted stuff happen. I know this happens to us all often, but I have been particularly aware of wanting to suppress the strong emotions I am feeling.
I have been thinking about the need to accept whatever feelings arise. As Brene Brown says 'we've got to feel what we are feeling (accept it all) but we've also got to move forward through it.’ I am learning to accept and allow the emotions and thoughts as they arise (and even sometimes welcome them as Rumi suggests in his poem 'The Guesthouse’). I understand that by accepting whatever arises openly and non-judgmentally and allowing it to pass through lets me to do as Brene Brown suggests, and move forward.
I woke up feeling angry one morning last week. I couldn't really pinpoint why I was angry, yet suspected worry about someone and not sleeping well were contributors. I let go with an angry outburst. The harsh critic was about to start up for such an inappropriate response. Thankfully instead I took a deep breath and checked in with my wise self for what I needed. I got the kind reassurance that I was facing a very difficult situation and that it was ok to lose it, to accept that angry part of me, I was human after all. Whew, what a relief, no perpetuation of anger. I then texted my friend an apology. So, I think this is what is meant by accepting and feeling the feeling and moving forward. Maybe the angry outburst could have been avoided, but I am learning and human.
I am learning to accept and love myself as a unique human who is doing her best with whatever emotions and events come along. Remembering to take a breath to check in with my wise self helps a lot. I am also learning to accept my so-called shortcomings, mistakes and those unwanted bits of me. My wise self reminds me to view them not as enemies but rather as friends sent to help me move forward. Through continuing to do this for myself I can then extend this same acceptance and grace to others.
While it is good to be accepting and inclusive of others sometimes it is necessary to put some self-compassion boundaries in place to prevent harmful resentment, or an angry outburst. Such boundaries may include a kind reminder to take responsibility to tidy up, speak kindly or to understand your need for some space, time or inability to meet a request.