Better FOR Others - Working Kindly with Sad and Sorry

​Ever feel a bit sad and sorry for yourself, when something goes wrong, or even for no knowable reason? I have been feeling a little this way lately, for no particular reason. Why it is tempting to give myself a hard time or to overindulge the feelings and feel sorry for myself, I have been thinking about more helpful ways to work with sadness.

Whether the sadness is deep or just a general melancholy or whether it relates to a major loss or even something  that can't pinpoint there are some things we can do, that may be helpful. We are all different and some of these suggestions may or may not resonate with you. Whether they do or not, be mindful to remember to work with kindness and compassion for all, including yourself!

As we have said Mindfulness is word which has received lots of attention and hype. As I understand it, it simply means to pay attention to what is going on. Mindfulness is not a skill that we need to develop, it is a skill we already have, a skill we are all constantly using. So, we don't need to develop this ability but we do need to learn how to use it well. 

Alan Wallace reminds us ".. if we find we are out of sorts, we can note that and not beat ourselves up, not judge ourselves". Instead, we can  improve the quality of our attention we bring to our self talk, connection with others and situations? A quality of attention informed by kindness and respect. 

So what might be helpful to be mindful of, or simply remember, when I have the 'sads and sorry' for myself.....

• I won't always feel this way - it will pass 
• Accept 'sadness' is happening and ask 'what is my wisest response?' Not to blame, judge or criticise myself or others, but rather be kind and encouraging to all. 
• Accept support from family and friends - According to your needs, find a balance between time alone and time spent with others 
• Get plenty of sleep - I am certainly not my best to be around when I am tired and everything seems twice as bad.
• Take care of your physical well being with healthy food, some time outdoors in nature and exercise
• Avoid harmful habits - like lots of alcohol
• Avoid making any big decisions - Remember that usually you do not have to decide or respond to things straight away - give yourself some time to feel better about things and then make the decisions necessary.
• Feeling grateful for all the great things that are happening in this amazing life 
• Give love and appreciation to yourself
• Use this as an opportunity to develop compassion and empathy for others in similar situations
• HELP OTHERS - This for me is the single most helpful way to overcome feeling sad and sorry for myself! This renews my sense of purpose and makes me feel happier. POMing around reminds me of this too. By doing my best to benefit others and involve other too makes me happy and stops me worrying about myself. 
• Remember to love and appreciate yourself and your efforts to be a kind positive force in the world- no matter what the response or outcome, rest in your kind intention 

As Elizabeth Lesser says "Look for a way to lift someone up. And if that's all you do, that's enough."  Benefiting others or lifting someone up can be as simple as a smile, compliment or a simple kind act. Such acts of kindness are their own reward - they make us feel great. I was reminded the other day how great it feels to receive a compliment and how often I think of something I appreciate in another, and forget to express it!  So more appreciation and expression of it all around! 
  
Have a great fortnight - I look forward to connecting with you soon 

Kind Regards 
Maree xx

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