Carefree!

Do you worry about all kinds of things? I even worry about worrying! Do I need to? No, I don't think so! I have been noticing my mind active with lots of, often unconscious, underlying worry about all sorts of things! So I have had lots more opportunities to continue to practice letting go of stress and worry and instead remember to trust that things will work out as they will and teach us all what we need to learn. 
On Friday at the Mission's winter breakfast programme I had a beautiful reminder from Stan, a customer, to let go of worry. I served Stan his breakfast and we had a friendly exchange. He sat to eat and I continued serving.  There was a break in customers and I was standing by the bain marie, when I heard Stan say "hey, smiley, where has your smile gone?" His comment was a timely reminder that I had began to worry and it showed! I breathed, put the smile back on my face and thanked him for reminding me not to worry. 

I find it particularly difficult, as a mother, to let go of stress and worry about my children. Someone once said to me 'You never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they are!' I would like to think that does not need to be the case. Stan's reminder and the opportunity to write and re-read last fortnights blog has helped me remember relaxation and spaciousness are available in every moment.

As we said last week stress is a waste of time and energy and serves no useful purpose. Although I understand this I find it is difficult to let go of worry about my children, especially when I see them appear to make unwise choices.

Letting go of worry does not include, not caring about, or washing my hands of, a situation. A friend of mine says in relation to her children 'care but don't carry'. For me carrying or enabling includes allowing worry and also allowing behaviour which I see as harmful or disrespectful to continue, without speaking my truth, in an effort to help. I can then trust that I have done my best and that things will work out as they will and that life will teach us all what we have to learn, including maybe a lesson from me. As I said for me 'carrying' also includes carrying worry - so while I care deeply, I do not need to continue to carry worry. Also, It never feels good to think that others are worried about us.

My wise friend Cindy Lee recently reminded me of the word 'carefree'. She helped me understand 'carefree', does not mean we don't care. In the case of my children, I care deeply. However I can care for them, do what I can to help and be free of worry, about them. I can be carefree! The word carefree, also does not include being careless or not mindful about feelings or how I act in the world.  

As we said last week, relaxation and spaciousness are available in every moment. And being carefree is too!

Some things that help me to let go of worry and be more carefree, when I notice I am  worrying, (or someone else helps me to notice it) include...

• Coming to the breath and mindfully breathing 3 times. This allows us to create some space, connect with our innate wisdom and respond from there, rather than react with more stress and worry! 
• Send love on the out breath to the person I am worried about. Or a text emoji!
• Rest in my intention to have done my best and trust that things will work out as they need to. 
• Once I have done my best, let go of the compulsion to 'fix' things and instead accept and trust life has the perfect lessons in store. 
• Understand and accept that often decisions based on promoting respect and cooperation within the family won't make me the most popular mother around. 
• Put some music on and have a dance or sing in the kitchen or laundry as I do my jobs. A good sing in the car is great too. 
• Go for a walk in nature
• Look at the sky in wonder
• Smile 

So, no matter what the worry is for you, a friend, family member, job, pet or even a big toe, maybe these carefree suggestions may be of use to you. 
 
I wanted to share a letter I recently wrote to my adult kids living at home. It relates to letting go of worry and trusting in life's lessons, including house rules based on respect cooperation and sharing

Dear Family,
I just wanted to share 3 things with you 

1.  I am not going to worry about you anymore. Instead, I am going to trust things will work out as they will, and life will teach you the lessons you need. (including the house rules!)

2.  I love you unconditionally and always. I am appreciative of you as part of our family. I am always here if you need me and will happily share with honesty and compassion 

3.  This is your home and you are always welcome here. However it is our house and and our house has rules that need to be abided by. The household needs to run cooperatively and with respect for others and here are some guidelines we need to follow ....( I will spare you the details)

With love always M xx 

I am very grateful for the guidance of my wise friends and their words of wisdom, and you all for sharing with me.   
Have a great fortnight! Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx