This morning a beautiful sunrise reminded me of the power of gratitude and that two simple words, 'thank' and 'you' make an enormous difference to the way I feel about myself and my life.I didn't have my phone with me and wad thankful to Nathan, the construction worker who kindly took and sent this photo to me. 

There has been much research which shows that gratitude contributes to happiness and self-confidence. So why don’t we do it more? For me I think it is about forgetting and a lack of awareness around the power of gratitude and the destructive nature of taking things for granted. 
 
Some things that have helped me are understandings like…………

• Research has shown that being grateful contributes to our happiness and self confidence 
• Being grateful is a great way to overcome feeling down
• It is easy for us to be grateful when we consider our amazing lives and all those people in our lives are doing kind things for us all the time.
• We can be grateful to others who give us the opportunity to show kindness. And grateful to ourselves too for the kindness we show toward others. 
• It is not possible for us to survive if it were not for others kindness. Those who grow our food, make our roads, appliances, clothes, and cars, and teach and care for us. 
• I have a choice between focusing on what I am grateful for and what is going right in my life or choosing to focus on negativity. 
• We can’t be grateful and unhappy at the same time so choose to be grateful 
• It’s good for our mind to notice how often known, unknown or unseen people are contributing and making our lives possible and being grateful to them all.   

These understandings of the benefits of gratitude have helped me to establish and sustain a morning gratitude practice and remember to express thanks lots. Although I need a little reminder sometimes! 
 
Helpful thought: Gratitude feels great. Thank you. 

With love, thanks and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
​

As I said, I have been trying to remember to do my best to be fearless and to trust that everything is happening as its meant to be amid all that's going on, including lockdowns, protests and an earthquake!  

Ironically I decided to theme our yoga class on Wednesday around tuning into our wise CEO for what to do when we feel fear or worry.

We did our yoga 'checking in meditation' on what to remember when the feeling of fear or worry pops up. What came up for me was to relax and trust and that everything was happening just as it was meant to be. Ten minutes later we experienced a magnitude 5.6 earthquake!  What a great opportunity to put into practice letting go of fear and trusting as the house began to shake and grumble. 

I was so happy to be with others on zoom, the three of us in Melbourne shared the experience and remained quite calm. Amazingly we had had a little dress rehearsal for the event.

Fortunately there was no one hurt and the only damage I heard of was our local Betty's Burgers restaurant in Prahran. There was a flurry of activity on our family WhatsApp. Our family earthquake expert in New Zealand was underwhelmed by the size of the quake, and my husband thought he had had too much coffee and had the shakes.

I find it so helpful when I to remember to breath and to check into my wise CEO for what I need to remember when I feel fearful or worried. This helps me prevent panicking and creating further fear.

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
​

Thank goodness for footy and footy finals. Now I never thought I would hear myself say that after years of resentment over my perception of others’ obsession with football. But I can see the joy that footy brings all around me. Joy that is especially needed here in Melbourne and everywhere else at the moment, with Covid restrictions in place. I see people decked out in foot gear, houses decorated, lots of footys being kicked around parks, cheering fans in stadiums interstate and I am reminded I have a choice to be a negative stick in the mud or to get on the happy bus.

I have been looking for ways to cheer myself and others up and have decided to embrace footy fun, and enjoy all the footy finals joy I see around me and to embrace instagram too. Maggie and I have decided to go for the doggies. Maggie (in cushion form, pictured above) and I will be sitting on the couch watching the Granny on September 25th. We are hoping for a good outcome for all!

So, I am getting on the Western Bulldogs band wagon. I was bought up in Footscray, Bulldog territory. My Nan used to go to Western oval to watch the doggies play every home game and screamed at the telly during away games. I like to think that Nan and I helped to save the Footscray Bulldogs from a merger in 1989.  I donated the $100 she left me in her will to help keep the club going. 

Lama Marut says to ‘pile onto’ others happiness. I think ‘pile on’ is a rugby term, apt to talking about footy finals season.  When we are happy for others’ happiness, we create an upward spiral of happiness for ourselves and others. And of course, remembering to be compassionate to ourselves and others when are not so happy is important too. So, being happy for the winning team if it is yours or not and gracious in defeat and giving ourselves and others’ the compassion needed, can be tricky but is well worth the happiness and peace of mind it brings. Go us! ​

I wanted to share another amazing insight from Brene Brown on compassion and boundaries in this blog.

As I said last week Brene says that the most compassionate people she has surveyed have one thing in common - they set appropriate boundaries to prevent harm. She also says ‘to choose discomfort over resentment’. 

So, I wanted to explore an appropriate self-compassionate boundary to prevent the harm of resentment. Resentment is toxic!
 
Over many years I have built up resentment over having to wait to have dinner until my husband gets home from work. I end up hangry (that mixture of hungry and anger that I am sure many of you know from having hangry children after school). I end up serving up as much resentment as I do food for his dinner. And I am certainly not able to be compassionate toward him and his hard day! 
 
So, I have begun to heed Brene’s advice and choose the discomfort of eating when I am hungry and saving his dinner, over the resentment of waiting. 
 
When I feel the hangry resentment begin, I ask my wise self ‘what do I need’? If the answer is food, I choose the discomfort of eating without him over the resentment of waiting. I see this as a self-compassionate act. It’s not the ‘I’ll show him and eat without him’ attitude which I can easily slip into. It’s about having compassion for myself first which then allows me to have compassion for him and his inability to get way from work.  

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

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Recently, I had the opportunity to do a presentation at an online 'Spiritual Retreat'. I have attended this retreat in the US many times over the years. I am so happy it has been able to continue online during this time.

My presentation was on Self-Compassion. I attempted to give my lived experience of the teachings I have been so fortunate to have received from my teachers, most especially, Lama Marut, Cindy Lee and Shadi Mogadine. Without them I would have nothing to put into practice or to share, I am so grateful.

I thought I would share a few things from my presentation over the next few blogs. These are things  that I found useful to learn, remember, and to share. I feel so fortunate to have access to both internal and external resources to help me through this turbulent time, my presentation and my blogs. 

Often I get a wobble up before I press 'send' on a blog. There once would have been a time when I would have said 'I need to get me (Maree) out of the way before I do it! These days I would prefer to to say I 'I am working in a partnership, I am checking in and following directions from my wise self!  

Just the other day i opened a favourite little book of mine by Kim McMillan entitled 'When I Loved Myself Enough'. The page read.....
When i loved myself enough....
I started writing about my life and views
because I knew this was my right and responsibility.
So, these blog posts are my opportunity to share my life and views. Thank you for listening. 
I wanted to share a couple of amazing insights from Brene Brown on compassion and boundaries in this and my next blog.

Brene says that the most compassionate people she has surveyed have one thing in common - they set appropriate boundaries to prevent harm.

She says it is impossible to extend an assumption of generosity - to assume others are doing their best or to have compassion for them when someone is being......

• unkind
• disrespectful 
• hurting you 
• not hearing you 
• not seeing you 
• taking advantage of you

We need to put an appropriate boundary in place to prevent harm. 
Appropriate boundaries can include 

• removing yourself 
• saying 'Please don't speak to me like that. (full stop). and exiting. This is a boundary I often used with my teenage kids.
• saying 'those words are hurtful, untrue, unnecessary  or unkind" may also be helpful. 

I had the opportunity to do this with my Mum too. As you may know my mother passed away recently. She had experienced many traumas in her life and unfortunately did not have many tools to help her deal with sadness and loss. I am extremely grateful for my mother for so many things, however if I am honest, I often experienced my mum as sad and angry, in the past few years.

I realise now Mum gave me a wonderful opportunity to apply what I have learned to help me develop self-compassion, compassion and love for myself, her and others. Brene Brown says boundaries are necessary to prevent harm. Boundaries help with self-compassion which then allows for compassion for others.

Many times, I felt like saying to my Mother 'I'm not coming back if you continue to treat me like that'. (For me this felt like an appropriate boundary). However, I needed to be skilful with respect to applying this boundary. I knew that this response would inflame her further and she would cut off contact with me.  

So instead I recalled and used ......

• a strategy called 'bump of a log', my now favourite self-compassion strategy.  These days for me, this strategy is about checking into my wise self for what I need. Usually what comes up for me when I check in is some kind encouragement and a reminder to not take things personally. I will explain more about this self-compassion strategy next blog. 
• remembering to be compassionate to myself first helps me to have compassion for others. I can then understand they are doing their best. I can then hear and access wisdom - like the following wise words .........
• recalling Thich Nhat Hanh's wise words 'when another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over . He does not need punishment, he needs help'. (which I believe includes boundaries to prevent harm)
• remembering this favourite quote of mine from Malcom X - 'Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.' This quote helps to remind me that others often do not have the tools to deal with life - they need our compassion not our judgement. Again this involves boundaries to promote self-compassion, which allows for compassion for them.
• recalling Lama Marut's wise words 'happy people are not in the business of making others unhappy'. So, unhappy people deserve our compassion.
• I also said "I hear you Mum, that must be difficult. (full stop) lots.
• also suggesting getting some help. It may be useful to have someone to talk to about difficulties. 

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

Just before we went away, my husband and I cleared out my Mum's small home. I found it quite difficult emotionally, as I am sure many of you can relate to. I was very fortunate because my Mother was a minimalist, and she lived in a very small apartment with only what she needed.

That said it was still a big job, wiht lots of things to go this way and that, and some tricky decisions about what to keep. I have been a follower of Joshua Becker's ''becoming minimalist' blog for some time. After clearing Mum's home I was both surprised and reassured to read his blog related to decluttering sentimental items.

He cites a simple phrase by one of his audience members which I find profoundly helpful. A woman in his audience said 'when it comes to minimising items with sentimental memories attached, my philosophy has been to adopt an 'only the best strategy'. This involves keeping an item or few items that represent a memory we desire to remember.

Unconsciously I had done this with my Mother's things and avoided the bringing home boxes of things that would have been stored in the roof and probably never looked at again. I decided to keep things that I could use or have out that reminded me of Mum or a treasured time.  So I kept items that were most representative of Mum's life! These included........

A Hummel figurine
Mum had collected these handmade German Hummel figurines for many years. I must admit our family did not share her love of these statues displayed on masse in her living room. However, I had great fun carefully selecting one for each of the family and giving them or posting them to them all prior to her funeral. I had fun linking an association with the figurines. The one I selected pictured above gives me great joy and is a lovely memory of Mum. 

Ernie the garden gnome stool
My Mother's Father was named Ernie and he loved garden gnomes. He himself somewhat resembled a garden gnome as he was extremely short and bald. He had many gnomes in his front garden in Geelong. I found this garden gnome stool (pictured above) a few years ago. It reminded me of Ernie and so I bought it. Whenever I looked at his beaming face I felt happy.

I decided to lend the gnome to my Mother and he sat by her couch. The idea was she would have Ernie smiling away at her to cheer her up. I decided to bring Ernie into the hospital when Mum was approaching the end of her life. I covered him in a jumper to avoid suspicion and smuggled him into the Alfred. There he bought lots of curiosity, fun and happiness to us all.

Ernie also came along to Mum's funeral - he supported the photos of Mum and beamed his smile at us all. I now have Ernie at home with me bringing lots of joy and happy memories. I am reminded though that happiness is an inside job, and our responsibility. We create our own happiness by bringing happiness to others.  No one has the power to make someone happy - not even Ernie. 

Woollens and POM embroidered things 
I used to gift my Mother a piece of clothing each birthday or Mother's day. She always took extra care of them so when I went through her clothes they were like new. I decided to keep a couple of items. I love wearing them as they remind me of her in happy times. I gave Mum POM embroidered tea towels, washcloths  and handkerchiefs over the years - they mostly say 'love you Mum' - I am also enjoying using these. 

So I can look around now and see reminders of Mum. Keeping these things and using or seeing them daily keeps the happy memories alive. 

I am mindful that not all of us would be able to find this an easy thing to do. No judgment is necessary, we are all different! I am just sharing what I find useful, maybe you may too.
Joshua has some tips that may help when it is difficult to part with sentimental things.

1.  Halving boxes of sentimental items. Halve every two boxes to one.

2.  Take photos 
Joshua reminds us our memories are not in the object, they are in us, so a photo might serve the same purpose as the object.

3.  Give it life again
We sent lots of Mum's things to the OP shop. We did the same with my Dad's things. A very happy memory I have is hearing of my brother taking Dad's model cars (in their original boxes) to the OP shop in Tasmania. As my brother was returning to the car he saw a family coming out of the shop - the boys were excitedly carrying the boxed model cars.  I like to think of people enjoying Mum's furniture and things too. 

4.  Remind yourself what brings meaning in your life
Joshua reminds us 'Unfortunately too often, the physical possessions we accumulate in our lives keep us from creating more of the memories that bring joy and meaning into our life, the people around us and the experiences we share, and the accomplishments of growth and achievement.

He encourages us to 'lighten your load. Unburden your life. And go create more moments of relationship, adventure and accomplishment.' And 'you'll never reach for anything new if you are too busy holding on to yesterday's things. Keep only the best'.
 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
​

As I said last blog this holiday has been a great opportunity to rest and recharge. I have been very busy of late, with my mum and her passing and getting things organised to go away. This stressed ‘busy bee’ is not who I want to be! I had a great pre-holiday reminder of this on my way to the airport.
 
Friends of ours came down to stay in our house while we have been away. They kindly drove us to the airport. My friend had watched the pair of us run around madly preparing for the holiday and finishing things off before we went. Ironically, although I didn’t see it at the time, the last thing I did as we were driving to the airport was to post last fortnights blog which was on amongst other things taking time to rest and not be so busy. Kindly my friend pointed out the irony and mismatch in my behaviour and the blog advice I was sharing. 
 
I immediately felt the prickle as my ‘busy bee’ button was pushed. Why was I feeling so reactive?  Time for some curiosity and kind exploration about what is under my addictive need to be busy. 
 
Mistakenly in the past I saw my busyness as a badge of honour somehow. I am much more aware of this misunderstanding these days and have been more aware of discerning between ego driven busyness and wisely directed activity.  However, clearly its often very handy to have a helpful reminder. 
 
I often justify my busyness as activity which is productive and meaningful. More often than not these days this is true. However, if I am honest there are times when this is not the case and my busyness is an avoidance or addictive behaviour which creates stress and disconnection.
 
The times when I am in synch are those when I am tuned into my wise self and letting her take the lead. These are times when I enjoy what I am doing, take rests and things seem less effort and more fun. I feel aligned and ‘on purpose’. 
 
However, there are many times I am in service not to my wise self but instead to my ‘task master’ ego. This activity is different – its stressful and addictive. It often has a ‘I’ll just get x, y, and z done and then I will take a rest and relax (and I seldom do because there is always one more thing to do) soundtrack’. And it often have high expectations too, with little tolerance for slip ups or mistakes. This often leaves me tired and resentful. So enough of listening to that. 
 
I have been pondering (with curiosity and compassion) the idea that my ‘busy bee’ activity is my attempt to coverup feelings I don’t want to feel. Maybe, I somehow use the busyness to numb or avoid feelings. I am aware also of my compulsion to fill the gap that the loss of my Mum has created.
 
So instead, I am trying to notice the urge to flip into ‘busy bee’ mode and trust and wait.  Instead, I am looking with kindness and curiosity at what is behind my compulsion to act. For me I think I don’t want to accept or acknowledge the parts of me that are lazy, unworthy, uncaring or selfish. I find it difficult to accept these parts of me and so instead I think I numb them with busyness.

More curious exploration needed with my journal. As Kim McMillan says 'When I loved myself enough, I began pouring my feelings into my journals. These loving companions speak my language. No translation needed'.

The cost of my compulsive busy behaviour is a disconnection, both with my wise self and with others too. It is not selfish or uncaring to look after myself, so I need to tune into that truth.  As Gandhi says 'above all do not forget your duty to love yourself'. 

So the things I would like to remember to take home from my time of rest, relaxation and 'spiritual maintenance' include....... 
 
1. Connecting with my wise self 
As I said last blog, this connection with my wise self is so important and well worth the time and effort to strengthen and trust. This is the simple meditation I have been sharing in yoga. I have been practicing this on the go too. 

Be Aware of the unsettling feeling and the urge to ‘busy bee’. 

1. Stay and breathe down to the heart. Connect with the energy of love at the heart – continue to breathe. Feel the love and connection there. Settle into that centred, peaceful, loved and appreciated feeling.
2. Ask my wise self there at the heart – 'what do I need? ' (I often find the breathing and checking into the feeling of love and acceptance is enough. Sometimes a kind encouraging word or sentence comes up) 
3. And another fun question 'what simple or outrageous things can I do to create more of what I truly need?
4. Feel grateful. Heartfelt gratitude to

• my Teachers - without their kindness and generosity I would have nothing, 
• my wise internal guide and myself (my guides chance to be here). Truly human, truly divine both! We are a team!
• All those people in my life including loved ones and those I don't even know that make my amazing life possible.

2. Balance activity and rest. 
Take some down time to and relax recharge, so I can continue to be the positive force in the world I want to be. 
 
3.  Act from love
Do as Meggan Watterson advises and 'take action when what is moving you is love at the heart'. 
Do as Gandhi advises and 'In doing something, do it with love or never do it at all'. This reminds me to set kind, realistic boundaries around what I can commit to do. And that this means saying 'no' sometimes.

4. Embrace Country Pace 
'Slow and steady' as the hare and tortoise remind me.
I have been enjoying not being so dependent on my phone and have taken this time to do a little technology detox. 

5. Be patient
Patience both with myself and others. What's the rush. My patience mantras 'No need to rush,I have plenty of time' and ''Trust and wait'. 

6.  Do more of what brings me joy
I know I am 'on purpose' when activity is fun and joyful - so more of that please. 

7.  Take a shavassana - enjoy a 5 minute lie on the couch :)

So as I spend the morning here relaxingly finishing this blog I am reminding myself to keep this relaxed mindset both on our way home and at home. I am going to do my best to be aware of the urge to rush and stress and instead move at a relaxed, steady pace free of busyness stress and striving!

I will check in with my body and wise guide at the heart often for what is needed. When I listen I am sure she will be telling me to continue to embrace country pace, trust and wait and to embrace uncertainty too. Please remind me if you see me in stressed  'busy bee' mode. I'll be very grateful.
 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
​

This past month has been somewhat of an emotional ocean. Fortunately, the seas have not been as wild as they may have been due to some great supports, that I am so grateful to have. 

One reminder that I have found invaluable during this time. is to see and accept all aspects of myself and others, not just the ones I like, but also the ones I want to hide and push away. By seeing and accepting even those 'so called negative aspects  or emotions and understanding they are coming up both externally in others and internally in me, to be healed, helps enormously.
In the beautiful words of Kim McMillan 

When I loved myself enough…….. 
I learned to ask ‘who in me is feeling this way?’ when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad.
If I listen patiently, I discover who needs my love. 

I find it useful to say 'a part of me feels' .....................(jealous, sad or angry) both internally and externally. By honestly seeing and accepting all my feelings and remembering they are a call for love helps me to remember not to suppress them or express them in unhealthy ways. 

So with those words as my guiding light I did my best to write a non-eulogy to honour and respect all, including all our feelings.
So here it is ..................

'Well as you may know I am under strict guidelines from Mum to say the Lord’s Prayer and one other thing that is not to be about her. So, I will do my best to follow those guidelines and respect her wishes while honouring us all, our feelings and our freedom to honour, accept and express them. I found an advertisement along with the instructions upon her death, it read ‘No fuss cremations – no funeral, no flowers, no mourners’. However, I want to feel free to mourn – to show sorrow for the death of Mum and I also want to feel free to accept all the other feelings that pop up as well. I want to honour and accept them all - the so called ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. 
 
As we all know Mum was a very pragmatic person and did not want today to be a funeral with fuss, flowers, or fanfare. However, she did want it to be about family – so here we all are sharing this occasion either in person or by reading this. 
 
Mum passed away peacefully on Saturday the 22nd of May – 15 months to the day after Dad. The care and love she received at the Alfred was wonderful and we are all extremely grateful to all the staff for all they did to make this difficult process as gentle as possible. We are also extremely grateful for the care and love she received from family – every one of us. 
 
I wanted my presence with her to be a comfort so I was careful of what I said as I did not want upset her. However, I did my best to privately honour and accept my whole backstory of memories and emotions. When I talked about her family, all of you, and her job in creating us all I did not get the eye roll (which I eventually got to see with some humour and affection.)
 
Her life was meaningful because of her biggest achievement – her family – every one of you. She died knowing she had done her best to create our family – a job well done. She loved and loves us all and I am sure in her unique way was so proud of every one of us too. I am sure, like me, you loved her too and are so grateful for all she did and who she was.  A part of me feels also relieved and happy she is now at peace. And yet another part of me feels a sense of freedom. 
 
Go Well with our love Mum

I just want wanted to share another couple of things – a small quote by Kim McMillan and two quotes from Meggan Watterson. I know I have broken the ‘read one thing rule’ Mum but they are not about you, so I hope there is not too much eye rolling and stop the ‘bullshit’ going on. 
 
I have had a so many feelings and memories pop up – I have found much comfort and direction in these quotes over the past while.  
 
Kim McMillan
When I loved myself enough…….. 
I learned to ask ‘who in me is feeling this way?’ when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad.
If I listen patiently, I discover who needs my love. 

Meggan Watterson 
When we can face what we think is dark or negative about us – I mean really embrace it and see it for what it is (a beautiful broken place that’s a call for love) then we can emerge more whole. We can see our own hot mess and not be sabotaged by it. We have nothing to hide. See and accept all that you are.
 
Meggan Watterson 
The energy of a Mother’s love can travel to meet you anywhere – whether within the world or within your own heart. The message is that she is here. You are mothered. Ask for what you need. Assume the simplicity, the heart, and the humility of a child and ask for a sign that she is here. We will be met with more love than we could ever imagine. And love is always the greatest and most powerful energy of protection. 

Thank you to all my amazing Teachers for all their invaluable teachings - I would be lost at sea without you all. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. And thank you all for your friendship, support and love. 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
​

I tend to be a very independent person, and sometimes I forget that we are all interdependent. My independence has mostly served me well, however when I take it to extremes it has some downsides. My ‘I can do it myself’ attitude often denies others the opportunity to lend a hand. And also, at times leaves that burning smell of martyr lingering in the air. Being here at the hospital with my Mum, especially on Mother’s Day, is a great opportunity to repay her immense kindness.
 
My Mum is also an independent person and loves looking after herself in her small flat. I am appreciative that she is allowing me to give her a hand at this time. It reminds me how good it feels to be able to give help when it is needed. As the quote above says 'When you help other people you help yourself. It's impossible to not feel great when you do good for other people'
 
Being in need and asking for help or allowing others to support us is very different from being needy, of demanding. Offering assistance involves being sensitive to the persons needs and wants and is not about barging in, fussing or taking control either.
 
When my kids were little and wanting to be more independent, I tried to remember to ask ‘do you need me to help you?'........ to get those shoe laces tied or shoes on the right feet. Being aware of the need to be patient and to encourage their independence and not to undermine the learning opportunity in 'giving it a go' themselves is important. 
 
So, I am doing my best to be mindful to ask for help when I am in need and offering it with awareness and sensitivity. Remembering that, sometimes others are not in a position to help when a request is made, requires understanding and maybe the need to ask someone else for assistance. We don't know what they have going on in their lives, that is preventing them from being available? Compassion to all concerned including ourselves is important.

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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