Comparing - How can I stop?

​How can we stop comparing ourselves to others? As we said in last weeks blog post, Comparing Who and How? we compare ourselves to friends, online friends, siblings, neighbours, celebrities, workmates, fellow students or anyone, in many different ways. This habit of comparing ourselves to others is often a well-established, unconscious pattern.
  
We are all certainly unique and have different qualities, talents, interests and experiences that help to shape who we are. We have no need to compare our unique qualities with those of others in an effort to feel superior or inferior.  Doing so is detrimental to our happiness and confidence.
 
Have you thought about who, and how you compare yourself to others and how this makes you feel?
Have you considered the difference between humility and inferiority?

• Pride and inferiority both involve comparing ourselves to others (pride as better and inferiority as worse). 
• Pride and low self-esteem are unkind, untrue and harmful. 
• Humility is doing your best without comparison.
• Humility will nurture your self-esteem and inferiority will destroy it.  

Make efforts to do your best to be better for others and not better than others - this promotes confidence and happiness for all.  

So how can we stop this harmful habit of comparing ourselves to others?

1. Celebrate others qualities and good fortune

Show friendliness toward those who are happy. When someone else has something that you want, like a certain skill, material possession, achievement or characteristic it is important to remember this does not make them better, more worthy, or luckier than you.  They have this thing because they have created the causes to have it. It is their time to have it and feeling resentful about the fact they have it and you don’t will only make you unhappy.  
Instead of complaining or being resentful about others good fortune see it as proof of what is possible and celebrate with them – by being happy with them you can pile onto their happiness. 
The fact that someone else has what you want is not cause for complaint or resentment.  It is proof that it is possible and a cause to celebrate and join in on their happiness.  Have friendliness toward the joy of others.

1. Have compassion for those going through misfortune

When you find yourself comparing yourself with someone who is less fortunate than you or going through a difficult time, whether they are someone you know or someone depicted on the news or social media be aware not allowing their misfortunes to inflate your ego, making you feel better or superior. 
Instead use this as an opportunity to think about how it would feel to be in that situation and have some compassion for their misfortune and gratitude for your situation. 
When you see misfortune, instead of comparing, have compassion for their situation and gratitude for yours. 

1. Don’t make your self worth dependent on your achievements and approval from others.  Source your confidence from within. 

We are all deserving of love and happiness.  Nothing anyone else has changes that. 
What matters is doing your best to be a kind positive force in the world.
Your confidence comes from within, not from what you have, what you’ve done or approval from others. So do your best to be that positive, kind force in the world and give yourself encouragement, love and approval.
Instead of comparing yourself to others and finding lack – do your best to be the best you can. 
Boost your own confidence by thinking about and being grateful for all those kind, helpful, thoughtful, successful things you have done (and others are doing too) no matter how big or small.
Instead of comparing yourself and finding yourself wanting, count your blessings and remember all that you have to be grateful for. 

Want to connect? - Get started now by -
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Maree xx