​Creating a Great First Impression: Eye Contact, how to make it.

In last week’s blog ‘Creating a Great First Impression: Getting Past,  How are you? we explored some tips to help with connecting with others in social situations.  Here, in this week's blog  are some more things you may want to consider.  
 
The Changing nature of our relationships
It is so easy and tempting to slap a label on someone we meet and write them off without a chance.  We often sum them up in the first few seconds, even before they have uttered a word.  A psychologist friend told me in my first job 30 years ago that when we ASSUME it makes an ass of you and me.  So true, how often I have foolishly labeled potential friend, uninteresting person or foe and made an ass of me and them.     
 
However when we think about it our relationships with others are continually changing.  Some of our friends today were once neutral people we did not know well or maybe even our enemies previously.  Someone I admire greatly who is now a good friend was once someone I had little time for.  Given this changing nature of our relationships it is helpful to try to treat all people we meet equally and to do our best to be friendly and have a non-judgmental curiosity rather than judging, labeling and assuming.  As we explored last week we can start the process of getting to know someone by doing our best to be friendly and have that non-judgmental curiosity by revealing more than ‘good' when we are asked how we are.  Another way to connect is understand how to use eye contact in a helpful way. 
 
Creating a Great First Impression 
Tip 2.  Eye Contact, how to make it
We all know the importance of eye contact and how nice it is to have that contact with others.  Recently I was interested to read about the ‘rules of eye contact’.  I am sorry I cannot give credit to the source because I can't recall it.  I have not understood how to feel comfortable with eye contact and I am thankful for this information, which has freed me up to be comfortable with this beautiful way to connect to others.  The rules are

• When you are the listener never break eye contact with the person who is speaking (blink, relax, smile etc. of course - adding this because I tend to take rules way too seriously sometimes J)

This really helps the other person know you are engaged and interested. However you do not need to be staring and listening intensely the whole time.  Conversation is a two way sharing, as we will discuss next week. So as the listener make eye contact, be curious without judgment and see where things go. 

• When you are the speaker it is OK to break eye contact.  In fact it is very helpful to do so to.  A glance away often gives us the space necessary to construct what we want to say next

I have found these rules very helpful as I had many misunderstandings about eye contact and often felt uncomfortable and am sure made others uneasy too.  Give it a go and see what you think, you may find it helpful too. 

You might want to

• Look at the pom-melbourne website
• Explore the 'Worry to Wonder' 4 week course to develop a mindfulness meditation practice and equip yourself with some tools for a happier, more confident and peaceful you.  This 4 week course can be done individually or together with your child or someone else too.  It can be done face to face or through Skype or Face Time     
• Click on the image below for more information​

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• Email Maree at maree@pom-melbourne.com
• Follow POM on Facebook

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