 We all have times when things do not go as we would have hoped or planned and we are left feeling disappointed, down or disillusioned. These tricky times can be opportunities to learn, grow and develop wise helpful ways to think and be. When we avoid at the temptation to blame, criticise and push away we can learn to find the blessing that is always there in every situation; the sliver lining in every cloud Six Things we can learn from our friend disappointment 1. Empathy and Compassion When something unwanted happens to us we can understand how others feel in similar situations. 2. This will change - I won't always feel sad and disappointed. . 3. Kindness to ourselves and others 4. Overcoming our pride When we have things go wrong ourselves we lose that unhelpful prideful feeling that somehow we are better than others because things are going well for us. This helps us develop empathy for others 5. Not to blame ourselves or others We all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen. Being a victim, blaming and criticising ourselves and others in these situations is never useful. 6. Forgiveness Being brave enough to apologise and forgive yourself and others is the kindest thing you can do for all. With hindsight we can often look back at these challenging times and understand that they were just what we needed. Although at the time we are often not so sure. I can look back at some to the experiences in my life that I thought were disaster, things like failed wedding plans, pregnancy trickiness, premature babies, failing exams and family breakups and realise they were pivotal in shaping me into who I am today. Sometimes I think if I had been in charge things would not tuned out so well. We can turn these so called 'problems' into opportunities for learning and growth if we welcome them as friends who have a treasure or blessing for us. When we find the blessing or teaching we have turned a problem into a learning opportunity. Every cloud has a silver lining; all we need to do is change our unhelpful thinking to find it. Disappointment has many things to teach us. We can feel disappointed in ourselves, others or a situation that has or has not occurred as we would have hoped. It can be so tempting to blame others, ourselves or to dismiss the event as 'bad luck'. When we do this we become victims and give away our power to learn from the situation. Instead of blame and victimhood we can take responsibility to KINDLY ask ourselves some helpful questions. Kind enquiry is important, it is never helpful to blame and criticise ourselves with negative self talk. What can I learn from this? Ask this question from that confident spot of understanding that you did your best. We are all doing our best with what we know at the time and we all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen. I find it helpful to recall what a wise friend of mine says when things don't go as planned "That can happen". We can learn from what has happened to practice forgiveness and to do a better best next time. It is never helpful to be a critical unkind taskmaster to ourselves and others; instead be that kind and encouraging friend to all (including ourselves). Dust yourself off and do what needs to be done from that kind spot. As a mother I sometimes feel I have failed when my adult children do not achieve certain things or have disappointments. I can feel their so called disappointment or mistake could have been prevented if I, them or others had done things differently leading to blame and criticism of myself and them. Instead it is much more helpful to understand I have done my best to give them a foundation from which they can spread their wings and learn from their so called 'mistakes' and 'disappointments' without my meddling, trying to control or blame. I am thankful for the opportunity to do my best to assist them to develop that firm base as they have grown up and to know when is the right time to let go, while still being available for support if and when requested. I have recently been involved in a tap dancing concert and during our dress rehearsal when I had to come to the front of the stage I froze and forgot my steps. This could have been a humiliating, embarrassing disaster or a good chance to have a laugh and provide a laugh for others. I choose to get my embarrassed self out of the way and have fun. I went home after the rehearsal to do some practice and will see how things go on opening night. As my tap teacher Miss Jane says "When ever have we had to get everything right?". Have I ever let others down (including myself)? Again we can ask ourselves this question from a kind spot rather than that critical, blaming one that causes us to engage in that negative self- talk. When we are able to make this gently enquiry we can take responsibility for times we have let others down or not kept our commitments. (Remember you were doing the best with what you knew at the time - time now to do things differently). Be the change you want to see by making realistic commitments you can keep and do your best to keep them. Six Things we can learn from our friend disappointment 1. Empathy and Compassion When something unwanted happens to us we can understand how others feel in similar situations. This helps us develop the helpful habit of feeling empathy and compassion for others instead of being unable to understand or relate to their misfortune. It also helps us understand that maybe the problem we thought was so big may not be such a beg deal. 2. This will change - I won't always feel sad and disappointed. While it is important to acknowledge feeling disappointment and sometimes have a good cry (not for too long though) it is never useful to indulge our negative feelings of gloom and doom. It is much more helpful to connect with kindness and remember this feeling will pass and to do our best to do what we can to benefit others and ourselves. 3. Kindness to ourselves and others Blame and criticism of ourselves and others is never helpful. it is never helpful to indulge our negative thought pattern of harm. Instead practice forgiveness and kindness to all from that spot of understanding that we all make mistakes, have unwanted things happen and are doing our best to deal with them. 4. Overcoming our pride When things are going well for us we can easily become a little smug as we are lulled into a false sense of security that we are protected from misfortune. This may make us insensitive to the misfortunes of others. When we have things go wrong ourselves we lose that unhelpful prideful feeling that somehow we are better than others because things are going well for us. This helps us develop empathy for others. 5. Not to blame ourselves or others. We all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen. Being a victim, blaming and criticising ourselves and others in these situations is never useful. 'That can happen and even that', things go wrong for all of us. We are all doing our best at the time with what is available. Ask yourself - What can I learn from what has happened to allow me to do a better best next time? Dust yourself off and do what needs to be done from that kind spot. 6. Forgiveness We all make mistakes, they are the way we learn. Being brave enough to apologise and forgive yourself and others is the kindest thing you can do for all. Letting go of resentment, hurt and guilt through forgiveness is liberating. Guilt is never helpful, it prevents us from moving on and doing what needs to be done. Regret on the other hand is useful. We all have things we regret doing. When we acknowledge these mistakes and have healthy regret we can forgive and move on to wise action to do things differently the next time. So we can learn many helpful things from our friend disappointment. Helpful ways to think and respond that will and promote our confidence, contentment and peace of mind. If you have had some recent events that have left you feeling disappointed and feel you would live to deepen your peace of mind around these and develop new helpful ways of thinking that will leave you looking forward to the new year ahead book in for my Four week 'Worry to Wonder' guided programme Comments are closed.
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