From Road Rage to Happier Motoring

Do you ever let a small resentment, like a toot in traffic, build up and up and ruin your peace of mind and day?  Sometimes something irritating happens and I stew over and over it in my mind, making myself and others miserable.  "They should not have said that, or done that irritating thing", over and over.  The truth is that is what happened - 'its like this now', and no amount of worry or protest that it should be different is going to help.

I can also do it over things, I have done that I am not happy about, things like running a yellow light when I could have stopped and not made it difficult for someone turning.  I can do both really - go over and over how I should not have done  a misdeed, with guilt instead of healthy regret, and also go over and over how someone else should not have done something to me,  like give a toot.  

So lets think about helpful ways to deal with theses little misdeeds, those things that we do and regret, and those that others do to us.  Helpful ways which will prevent these regrets and resentments from replaying over and over in our mind, building up into big regrets and resentments that ruin our present and future peace of mind.  

The Four Forces as we outlined in the From Footy Fury to Footy Fun post is a very helpful conscience clearing exercise.  It is very useful with those small resentments and regrets too.

I remember many years ago, applying the Four Forces when I was driving along Punt Road on my way to Northcote to check out a yoga studio for and event I was organising.  I sped through a yellow light, when I could have stopped in time.  This made it very difficult for a motorist turning right and he let me know with a horn blast.  I immediately felt terrible about what I had done, and of course also went to justify it, but knew in my own mind I had done the wrong thing.  Also I was tempted to get cross at the motorist for his blast too - more justification, excuses and blame.  STOP.  Instead thankfully I remembered a couple of things.  
I was tempted to berate myself for being selfish and go on that 'worry thought train' bashing myself up with guilt..  Thankfully I remembered 
There is never a good time to worry 

• If you can do something about it, then do that and don't worry - I could do the Four Forces!
• If you can't do something about it, let it go and don't worry

The Four Forces,  
As we discussed in the Footy blog The Four Forces is a bit like 'mind gardening' or conscious clearing. I had recently learned about this practice and thankfully remembered to apply it to this situation.  

1. Refuge:  Firstly, Admit it - Yes I did it - I could have stopped safely at that yellow light. No matter how tempted I am to try to fool myself with justification.. And Remembering - Being like this and not considering others, is not making me happy and is not helping me be the positive happy force I want to be.                        
2. Regret:  Good healthy regret.  I am sorry I ran the yellow light and made it  difficult for the person turning.  
3. Restraint:  I will try to be aware of being a considerate driver and restrain myself from making it difficult for others for the rest of the trip there and back.  It is good to start off with a realistic restraint time.  (i.e. in my case, my trip there and back ) - instead of something a little more unrealistic like 'I am never going to go through a yellow light!'
4. Recompense:  So this is a make-up activity to make amends for past resentment.  So, I decided my make up activity would be to let a motorist into the traffic.  So I drove the whole way home looking for opportunities to assist someone.  Finally, near home I had the opportunity while stopped in traffic to let someone into High Street.  Yay - a friendly wave and then a big rejoice.  Removed from my conscience. And forgiveness for myself and the person that tooted me - who knows what he had going on.  
5. Rejoice:  Feel really happy about doing this Four powers, especially about following through on the recompense.

So instead of letting this incident ruin my trip and my day, I happily moved on 

As we discussed in the last few posts,  in order to change past unhelpful habits it is helpful to have...... 

1. Awareness:  We need to be aware of those thought habits and understanding we can change them. It is not helpful for me to be resentful and bitter toward myself or others. I have a choice bitter and resentful or get on to do something to make amends for something I regret doing.  
2. Asking ourselves - Are those thoughts true? Am I  careless, selfish driver and are other motorists always having a go at me? NO
3. Is this thought helpful to me? Is this thought helping me be happier and more available to others?  If the thought is not kind, encouraging and making us available to connect to others chances are it is not helpful to reinforce and relive over and over. So enough bitterness and resentment and instead a rewrite - admit it, regret it, try not to do it again and find someone to help.  And forgive the other persons toot - who knows what is going on for him.  

I am so grateful to those wonderful teachers and friends who have helped me get over negative, unhelpful habits and be a more positive, happy force in the world and to do my best to be of benefit.

Thank you subscribers
If anyone you know would benefit from receiving these blogs please ask them to subscribe to pom-melbourne here.  

Have a peaceful fun and happy week
Kind regards
Maree xx ​

If you'd like to connect further, please get in touch to ....... 

Find out more about me and pom-melbourne 

Work together to share simple, practical wisdom for a happier you,  
Email me maree@pom-melbourne.com to arrange a time to catch up 

Subscribe to pom-melbourne to receive my weekly blog posts 

To receive daily posts and weekly blog posts on POM Facebook 
​​