Gratitude for the Ungrateful Troublemaker

​How do you feel when others appear ungrateful or even disapproving of you or the efforts you have made? I have been seeing a bit of ingratitude and disapproval this week and have been reminded of some helpful ways to deal with these situations, including finding the hidden gems these so called 'troublemakers' bring us and hence why we can be grateful for them.

Last week we explored the meaning and many benefits of being grateful. Our Thursday group has been studying a text entitled The Guide To The Bodhisattvas Way of Life and last week we explored the pitfalls of pride and seeking approval in others. As I have previously said, this text is a guide to living a good life. Pema Chodron in her commentary on the text refers to the value of what she calls 'troublemakers'!

Troublemakers can refer to anyone who pushes our buttons, be it the person who is ungrateful, disapproving or irritating. Our next few blogs will explore the value of such people in our lives This week we will look at the benefits of having the first of these so called 'troublemakers' in our lives, the ungrateful troublemaker!

Do you have any ungrateful troublemakers in your life? I have had many over the years and failed to understand or see the value of them in my life.

So what things are helpful to remember when we encounter those so called troublemakers who appear ungrateful or even disapproving of us?  Let's start with those people we experience as ungrateful.

The Benefits of the Ungrateful Troublemaker
I often find myself seeking thanks or recognition for something I have done. While it is nice to receive such thanks and helpful to remember to give thanks too, we cannot control whether others show appreciation to us or not!

So when that troublemaker, appears not to notice, appreciate or acknowledge some kindness we have shown what is a helpful response? I can often feel resentful when others do no show appreciation of my efforts. Acknowledging this feeling of resentment and then remembering I have a choice in how I respond is helpful. As I have said many times it is never helpful to deny or suppress such feelings. Once acknowledged we can work skilfully with them.

So what is helpful to remember when those feelings of resentment regarding a perceived lack of appreciation pop up?

• Being ungrateful is not conducive to our happiness. Those who are not able to express gratitude for whatever reason are not happy, or creating the causes for future happiness. Such people  are deserving of our compassion and not our judgment and criticism.
• It never feels good when others are not able to be thankful or complimentary. These people are reminding us to as Ghandi says 'to be the 'change we want to see in the world' by being grateful. We can be grateful to them for reminding us to be grateful.
• To be grateful for ourselves. As I said, we cannot control whether others express gratitude for our efforts or not, but, we can control our own minds. We can give ourselves gratitude for the efforts we make to be 'better for others'. We can appreciate all those kind things we do for others, no matter how small, and be grateful to ourselves for being the kind of person who is interested in being kind! So again the ungrateful troublemaker is providing us with a beautiful reminder not to seek gratitude or approval outside of ourselves. More about this next week.

We will continue our exploration of the value of troublemakers in our lives next week.

My Gratitude practice  

1. Wake up grateful 
2. Gratitude for the spotlighted person this week .. fathers. We can do this practice of gratitude with both those who are living and those no longer with us. 

My personal gratitude practice this week will include...

• Gratitude to my father for my amazing life and all the care, teaching, love and opportunities he selflessly gave to me. This of course includes many sleepless nights, working tirelessly to provide for my education and to put a roof over our heads and provide our family with all we needed.
• Gratitude also for the times he was a 'troublemaker' and provided me opportunities to develop virtues such as patience, humility, forgiveness and compassion for myself and for him too.

As we said last week the definition of gratitude has  two parts,

• Firstly, a readiness to show appreciation.
• And secondly a readiness to return kindness.

So my gratitude practice this week includes showing gratitude for my dad in my journal and remembering to thank him personally as well. It also includes reflecting on and planing for how to return that kindness and being grateful for all including the perceived ungrateful troublemakers in my life! 
Have a great week. Thank you all. 
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​