How To Put the Toothpaste Back In The Tube! Making Mistakes - Can I still Approve of Myself?

How To Put The Toothpaste Back In The Tube!
Making Mistakes  - Can I Still Approve Of Myself?

Have you ever said or done anything and wished you hadn't.  I have done many times, and I am sure you have too. A friend of mine compares this to trying to put toothpaste back in the tube once you have squeezed it out! Impossible. It is often not possible to change the situation (put the toothpaste back in the tube) however we can change the way we think about it and hence respond in a more helpful way and move on.
 
In last week’s blog  'Experiments in the Kitchen'  I wrote, “I am trying to be more mindful of being more approving of myself ‘doing my best’.  I am trying to let go of outside approval (even though I am tempted to check the likes, ask friends what they think etc.).”
It is interesting that often the lesson I need to learn comes up. A few things happened following last weeks blog to help me learn to approve of myself. 

I felt like I was playing limbo as these situations came up and allowed me to look at ‘Can I approve of myself now? ….and now? ……….and even now?  I tend to make these blogs a little long so I plan to explore the first situation 'Making mistakes  - Can I still approve of myself?' here and look at the situations that followed in next week’s blog – 'Disapproval from others – Can I still approve of myself?'

The first thing happened just after I sent last weeks blog 'Experiments in The Kitchen'. I hit the 'send' button' then reread the blog for the umpteenth time.  I noticed a huge mistake.  I had typed cooking ‘with’ expectation instead of cooking ‘without’ expectation.  "My mind attempted to go on that negative thought train."  How can I get that email back? This is a disaster, how could I have not noticed that mistake, I had checked it so many times, why didn’t I see it, I always stuff things up etc.  I knew this was not  helpful t and fortunately remembered a more helpful response.  I came to the present moment using my breath. I recalled why it is often not possible to change the situation I can change the way I think about it. What helpful things could I remember to allow me to approve of myself when I have made mistakes? 

• We all make mistakes.  That can happen                                                                               I will explore this ‘Impossible perfection’ in a future blog. 
• I was doing my best – to share what has been helpful to me, mistakes and all
• Making mistakes is how we learn. 

In the ‘Dealing with Disappointment' blog I shared how when things don’t go as we had planned we can use them as opportunities to grow and learn.  I used the typo to do this blog and remind myself and others that making mistakes can be an opportunity to learn about……

• Empathy and compassion           

 This is how others feel when they make mistakes

• Impermanence

This will change – I won’t always feel upset

• Kindness to myself and others

I am being unkind to myself when I go on that negative, critical thought train and its not nice for others to be around me too.  I can choose to be a kind encouraging friend rather than that hard taskmaster both to myself and others

• Overcome my pride

It is easy to become smug when things are going well, making a mistake allows us to overcome that unhelpful tendency and develop empathy for others instead

• Blaming myself or others is never helpful

We all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen.  Being a victim, blaming and criticizing ourselves and others with negative talk is never useful

• Forgiveness

Being brave enough to apologize and forgive yourself and others is the kindest thing you can do for all

• Meditation 

Having a mindfulness meditation practice and some wisdom is invaluable in changing unhelpful thought habits. Meditation allows us to become aware of our thoughts and act from a happy, relaxed, non reactive state. 
So could I approve of myself having made mistakes?  Yes I could, when I remembered a more helpful way to think.  So when you are tempted to be that unkind task master it may be helpful to remember to do your  best with the understanding that perfection is an impossible goal, we all make mistakes and mistakes are how we learn and that rather than blame and criticise ourselves or others forgiveness is best for all. 
 
I can honestly ask myself - 'What was my intention in writing this blog?' And answer truthfully 'I was doing my best to share what has been useful to me, which may be of benefit to others."  I can approve of that and myself, even with the mistakes. 
 
I am really pleased to have had made that typo, it was a beautiful reminder that we all make mistakes and to let go of impossible perfection and open myself up to the rewards that practicing humility, forgiveness and allowing vulnerability bring.  We are all human and sharing our humanness allows for connection with others.  Like the rest of us I am continuing to learn and grow from these so-called mistakes, be a kind encouraging friend to myself and to do my best to live with respect, fun, kindness and connection.”

Knowing I had done my best and letting go of the result or need for approval was liberating and fun.  It is when I can get that 'worried Maree' who is concerned about getting it perfect or wanting approval from others, out of the way and do my best to do what is needed for others at the time that I am happiest.  Doing my best to share the blog post for others without expectation of appreciation, approval or even success is a much more fun, kind  and peaceful way to go.  

You might want to explore doing the ‘Worry to Wonder’ 4 week course to develop a mindfulness meditation practice and equip yourself with some tools for a happier, more confident and peaceful you. 
This 4-week course can be done individually or together with your child or someone else too.   It can be done face to face or through Skype or Face time.  


If you feel you would like to know more sign up for a free 30 minute phone consultation with Maree to see if we seem like a good fit. CLICK HERE 

You might want to explore doing the ‘Worry to Wonder’ 4 week course to develop a mindfulness meditation practice and equip yourself with some tools for a happier, more confident and peaceful you and your family. 
This 4-week course can be done individually or together with your child too.   It can be done face to face or through Skype or Face time. 
​ 
If you feel you would like to know more sign up for a free 30 minute phone consultation with Maree to see if we seem like a good fit. 
CLICK HERE

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