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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Learning to Say No!

8/3/2022

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Last blog we explored being aware when we are tipping into self-sacrifice and subsequent resentment. Maybe we have taken on too much, are not taking the time to rest or have placed unrealistic demands on ourselves. When we are aware of this happening it’s great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be reminded to care for ourselves as well as others. 
 
We talked about self-compassion boundaries including, taking the time to pause and consider a request, to do a little stock take of our resources before committing, and resisting the urge to overcompensate! 
 
An important self-compassion boundary and a way we can look after ourselves, so we can be available for others, is to simple say ‘no’. A truism I like is, ‘no is a complete sentence, it does not require explanation or justification’. And another one is ‘sometimes saying ‘no’ is the bravest thing you can do’. 
 
I am a big people pleaser and have difficulty saying ‘no’ to a request. As a result, I can run myself ragged and forget to take care of myself! This often leaves me depleted and resentful. I am reminded to do as Brene Brown says and to ‘choose discomfort over resentment’. Saying ‘no’ to a request we cannot meet or resisting the urge to overcompensate or please can feel uncomfortable, but this temporary discomfort is far preferable to creating toxic resentment from doing something that we can’t or don’t want to do or overdoing! Saying ‘no’ can help us live a more intentional and meaningful life and help us to take care of ourselves.
 
It’s important to be aware of when we are stretching ourselves too thin by saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. As I said, I find it helpful to pause and do check in to my wise self for a little stocktake of my resources, including time and whether I am actually willing and able to do it. ‘Yes’ is often my kneejerk reactions whether someone requests something of me or not. Taking the time to pause, reflect and consider before jumping in with a response or action is helpful. Awareness is key. I often forget I don’t need to give a response straight away. I can give myself some time by saying ‘I need to think about it, I’ll get back to you.’

Having this awareness helps me to check in to ask ‘by saying ‘yes’ am I tipping into self-sacrifice and resentment?’ A great guide for me is when I notice I have lost the joy in doing something. Learning to say ‘no’, and having the courage to do so is a work in progress for me. Next blog we will look at some things I find helpful to often say ‘no’ to. 

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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