I am not sure about you, but for me, deepening my understanding of forgiveness and putting it into practice has had many benefits to my happiness and peace of mind. In the past weeks we have explored some common misunderstandings around forgiveness and looked at why it is important, and in our own best interest to forgive. We have also exercised our forgiveness muscles with 'All Day Forgiveness’ with the small hurts and annoyances, and looked at apologising to others. This blog will look more deeply into what may be under our hurt, particularly with those we are closest too. Next week we will look a forgiveness of ourselves.
When I am brave enough, I have found it so helpful to look under my anger and hurt to understand what is underneath both the small things like being tooted at and the big hurts too,
Deep Relationship Understandings
With regard to those deep, close relationship hurts, some understandings that have helped me are.........
For me, my parents were a great place to start. I can have many unhelpful storylines, related to my parents list of shortcomings and ways that I have been hurt and let down, from years ago. This blame and criticism causes hurt and resentments to build up, making me unhappy and disturbing my peace of mind. It also doesn't allow me to appreciate how amazing they are and what an incredible job they did to give me many wonderful opportunities, beginning with my amazing life! How easy it is to concentrate on the negatives, with blame, criticism, hurt and resentment and erode any relationship. So what is best to do here? Acknowledge the hurt and choose to forgive.
I was interested to see a u-tube video by Simon Sinek on 'Millennials in the Workplace'. The video provided many amazing insights and helpful tips. However, it reminded me how unhelpful it can be to blame and criticise our parents. In this instance the shoe was on the other foot, and I didn't like it! So,it serves to me as, a beautiful reminder, that it is never helpful to blame, criticise and refuse to forgive as offspring, parents or friends (and in any relationship).
As we said last week there is something deeper under the storylines related to feelings of hurt, anger, abandonment, or let down, from the toot in traffic to the bigger ones. Under my 'toot' anger was - you don't respect me!. I find it helpful to understand that under every bit of anger, hurt abandonment is my outraged ego, standing with its hands on it hips saying something like .......
Forgiveness opens the heart, to find connection again. It is a way of releasing the hurt and bringing love, happiness and connection back into life.
Things that may help us with forgiveness
Armed with this useful advice, we have the understanding and wisdom to be ready to forgive. So here is how to do it ............
Maybe you are fired up to keep going with forgiving the small everyday things and also to be mindful of appropriate apologising and are now ready to give forgiveness a go, with the deeper hurts. Remember to do your best, to do so, with kindness and compassion for all (including you).
Maybe also you would like to continue to join me with the January, Buy Used and Repair. I am repairing a set of drawers and using used bottles to bottle lemon cordial and tomato sauce.
Love Maree xx