More Kindness, Less Judgement!

I tripped over while doing a morning plod around the block last week! It was a rather spectacular fall which resulted in a lump on my forehead, graze on my knee, a black eye and sprained wrist! 

This fall reminded  how easy it is for me to slip into the whole blame/judgement habit, both of myself and others! I hit the concrete, let out some expletives and watched my funny mind go to all sorts of unhelpful places. Firstly, I looked for something or someone to blame! The curb, the dog, or my runners!! Then I turned on myself to give me a hard time for being clumsy, rushing and not being mindful! Was any of this true, kind necessary or helpful? NO! So, what did I need? What was a more helpful habit to replace this blame/criticism with? Kindness is the answer, it always helps. When I blame and criticise myself or others, I become a victim. However with kindness I empower understanding and positive change.  

So with awareness, I stuck a spanner in the blame/criticism habit cog, the spanner or kindness!  So I picked myself up told myself 'that can happen, and did'! I was very grateful I was not wearing my glasses and did not appear to have done any serious damage! A man appeared from a house opposite with his bowl of muesli. He had been having breakfast on his porch and had heard the fall and my expletives. He kindly asked if I needed help and offered me a drink.

I have found it interesting to think about the difference between judgement and discernment. As I understand it judgement is an opinion about a subject or situation based on the information you have. With judgement it is tricky to know whether we have the correction information about a situation or know the whole or true story. It is certainly not true that I am always clumsy, make mistakes, and am not mindful. So when I watched my mind go straight to blame and judgement when I fell I could question the truth and helpfulness of this habit. Judgement implies someone is at fault or to blame.

Discernment, on the other hand  is based on a knowing or understanding. So we know or understand something as a result of some training in ethics, compassion and wisdom, which allows us to make a wise decision. And the wisest response is always kindness.  

In Buddhism they talk of 'things to take up' and 'things to give up' in order to be a happier more positive force in the world. We require discernment to know what habits are helpful and what habits could to with a rejig.  

When I notice this habit  of blame and criticism of myself or others I try to remember ........

• To bring a sense of curiosity and awareness to this pattern and, as Cindy Lee says, put a spanner in that cog of  thinking. I then try to insert a new more helpful habit of kindness to replace the judging/blaming one!
• Malcolm X's wise words "don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person (or yourself) because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today'. 
• We are all doing our best with what we know and have available at the time 
• As Rumi reminds us "before you speak, let your word pass through three gates.. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?' This includes the way we speak to ourselves too!
• The Dalai Lama's definition of love 'Love is the absence of judgement"
• To celebrate diversity - the fact we are all different. For example when I see someone in the street and go to judge their appearance or manner. I try to remember that we are all different and to celebrate that diversity and variety, instead of judge and create separation.  

In appreciation for you all. Have a great fortnight! 
 
Maree xx
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