Mothering a Two Way Exchange!
I tend to be a very independent person, and sometimes I forget that we are all interdependent. My independence has mostly served me well, however when I take it to extremes it has some downsides. My ‘I can do it myself’ attitude often denies others the opportunity to lend a hand. And also, at times leaves that burning smell of martyr lingering in the air. Being here at the hospital with my Mum, especially on Mother’s Day, is a great opportunity to repay her immense kindness.
My Mum is also an independent person and loves looking after herself in her small flat. I am appreciative that she is allowing me to give her a hand at this time. It reminds me how good it feels to be able to give help when it is needed. As the quote above says 'When you help other people you help yourself. It's impossible to not feel great when you do good for other people'
Being in need and asking for help or allowing others to support us is very different from being needy, of demanding. Offering assistance involves being sensitive to the persons needs and wants and is not about barging in, fussing or taking control either.
When my kids were little and wanting to be more independent, I tried to remember to ask ‘do you need me to help you?'........ to get those shoe laces tied or shoes on the right feet. Being aware of the need to be patient and to encourage their independence and not to undermine the learning opportunity in 'giving it a go' themselves is important.
So, I am doing my best to be mindful to ask for help when I am in need and offering it with awareness and sensitivity. Remembering that, sometimes others are not in a position to help when a request is made, requires understanding and maybe the need to ask someone else for assistance. We don't know what they have going on in their lives, that is preventing them from being available? Compassion to all concerned including ourselves is important.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all
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