New Year's Eve Resolutions - Powering up that Positive, Kind, Encouraging Friend.

January is a great time to think about establishing some helpful new habits, but as we said every day can be New Years! So how do we prevent our January enthusiasm from waning? 

In last weeks blog we looked at recognising things that may hinder realisation of our goals and resolutions. We explored the pitfalls of focusing on too many things at once and forgetting. So having decided on one thing - to establish a gratitude practice, and thinking about things to remember gratitude, I am ready to look at further ways to prevent obstacles getting in my way. 
 
The next unhelpful habit (or friendly reminders) which may get in the way of establishing helpful new habits may include...

• Self-judgement and criticism, and negativity

We need to believe it is possible to make these positive changes in our lives, whatever they are, to be grateful, lose weight or get fit.

I need to convince myself that being grateful, for example is how I want to be and that it is possible for me to establish a gratitude practice. Our predisposition is not our future. Who we were in the past, an ungrateful person for example, does not need to define who we are in the future.
 
Instead of allowing that self critical task master to be in charge I will remember to power up that kind, encouraging friend who believes it is possible for me to make this change. As Pema Chodren says 'Never give up on yourself. Then you will never give up on others'.  

Three steps which might help to power up that positive encouraging part of us to overcome self-judgement include...

1. Recognise that self-judgement is untrue and undermines happiness and peace of mind. That self-critical voice is not objective, harsh, deceptive and discouraging.  So watch out for it and don't believe it!
2. Realise only the present moment is real. So when that self judgemental voice pops up and tells us lies like - 'you are not good enough' 'you'll never be able to keep your resolution to be kinder, more grateful etc', simply stop and take three mindful breaths and bring yourself back to the present moment . 
3. Respond with wisdom. Replace that self critical soundtrack with a positive encouraging new habit. Remember what that kind encouraging friend would say and say that to yourself. Things like 'I am doing my best', 'so called mistakes are how we learn and grow', or 'I have done nothing wrong', 'I am going to practice gratitude'. 
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That encouraging  optimistic friend, be it our internal dialog or an external friend are important to help keep us motivated and believing it is possible to make a lasting, positive habit change. 
As Kristin Neff succinctly says  'Instead, of mercilessly judging and criticising yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings - after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?'
 

• Being mindful of the negative bias I often have is very useful.

When I woke this morning I found my mind went straight to worry about things that are seemingly going wrong in my life. Fortunately I was awake to this, well somewhat awake, and I caught my mind before that negativity took over. STOP! Instead of all that negativity and worry I will choose to be grateful for  the things that are going right and the opportunities to grow and learn from other experiences too. My
  morning gratitude practice saves the day again, literally!

As Mark Desvaux says 'Some people see the glass half full, others see the glass half empty. the enlightened are simply grateful to have a glass'. 
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A daily gratitude practice has many benefits to our happiness and peace of mind and is well worth working on. I encourage you to think of some helpful ways to remember to be grateful and to practice gratitude. Start with believing in yourself and that it is possible for you to be optimistic and practice gratitude. And watch for that negativity and worry and instead choose to be grateful for all that is going right. Make that first small change and record those things you are grateful for no matter how small. They are everywhere - we just need to be awake to notice! What a blessing it is to have gratitude spring to mind instead of negativity and resentment! 
We will explore some more of the obstacles that may hinder establishing and maintaining resolutions or goals over the next few blogs.​

Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx