Do you ever overcommit or have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others? Or do you tend to avoid committing to anything? I do both, although I think I tend more on the overcommitment . Last week's blog 'Making Realistic Commitments and Keeping Them'. explored the importance of making realistic commitments and once made doing our best to keep them. I have found it useful to understand what is underneath my tendency to overcommit and to have unrealistic expectations of myself and others and also why I find it difficult to commit at other times. Over the next few blogs I will explore this further.
As I said last week my tendency is to overcommit and take on way too much instead of doing a stock take first and setting more realistic expectations of myself and others too. I have found it useful, although tricky, to ask myself why I overcommit and many times end up feeling busy, exasperated and at times resentful. If I am honest with myself I think I have a few unhelpful, previously unconscious, reasons why I do this. Shining the light on these unhelpful beliefs allows me to work kindly with myself and others in developing more helpful ways to think and be.
One of these unhelpful beliefs I have found it useful to shine the light on is.........
The 'Cult of Busyness'. Is busyness something of importance and value?
I have recently started to question the somewhat wacky belief that I have had, (and that our culture seems to support), that being busy somehow makes us important and valued. As if being busy was somehow a badge of honour. I started noticing how others also seem effected. I was surprised by how many times I and others responded to "How are you?" with "Busy" as if it was something to be proud of. Was it such a good thing to be? Well no, I think being caught up with how important and busy I was making me stressed and unavailable for others.
Busyness as a state of mind
It is interesting to notice some people can be in a busy flap with seemingly little to do; while others can have lots on and have a calm relaxed manner. The difference is what is going on in their heads. How could I remain active and do what needed to be done without that feeling of stress, overwhelm and busyness?
Some things I have found useful to remember are
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