​Having covered the misdeeds related to the body and the first misdeed related to speech, don’t lie, we are up to the second of the misdeeds related to speech. (number five in our list of ten).
 
Before we get onto discuss this, I wanted to share some questions I have found very useful to consider before I speak. Often our emotions can be strong and can lead us to express ourselves in unhelpful ways.  Remembering wise speech really helps with this.
To do this we can ask ourselves these important questions, before we speak our truth- 

1. Is it True? – or is it exaggerated (watch for you 'always' and 'never') or out of context?

2.  Is it Well intended/Kind? - What is my intention in saying this? Is it helpful and kind?

3.  Is it Necessary? Do I really need to say this?

4.  Is it timely? - We can also add timely - is this the right time to be discussing this?
 
As I also said I try to remember to check in with my wise self before I speak for speech which is truthful, inclusive, kind and meaningful. I also try to be aware of my internal speech and check in with my wise self to replace any untrue critical, unkind thoughts with positive kind encouraging ones. As I said, this is a work in progress.

So, Vishuddi, or our throat chakra relates to speech and the four misdeeds related to speech. The second of these four as Lama Marut puts it is........ 
 
Don’t use your words to drive a wedge between people – Speak in ways that bring others together.
 
This is known as divisive speech, when we say something about someone to someone else with the intention of dividing them. I can recall doing this as a teenager, when I had the misguided idea that turning someone against someone else would make me more popular!
 
Quite the reverse is true. The karmic correlation related to this divisive speech is that we lose friends easily. We also experience others as speaking badly of us. Another karmic correlation is that we may perceive we live in an environment where travel is difficult. Lama Marut explains that by tearing others apart through our words we are creating the causes for that to come back to us as experiencing difficult joining ourselves to our destination.
 
Instead of being divisive with our speech we can use our speech to bring others together. We can say nice things about others, especially when they are not around! We all have many opportunities to do this and it always feels good. Many years ago, I got the opportunity to do this when I introduced a new mother at my children’s primary school to other mothers. She still reminds me that it made her feel included and we are good friends to this day, some thirty years later.
It is not surprising that by being inclusive with our speech we generate loyal friends and more harmonious relationships in the future.

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

So, now for more about the first the four misdeeds related to our speech. As I said in ‘Tell the truth’  in yoga when we get to vishuddhi or our throat chakra I always remind myself to let go of any unhelpful speech, speech which is NOT.....

• truthful, 
• inclusive 
• kind
• meaningful

I also remind myself to check in with my wise self before I speak . that way my speech will be truthful, inclusive, kind and meaningful.

I also try to be aware of my internal speech and check in with my wise self to replace any untrue critical, unkind thoughts with positive, kind encouraging ones. A work in progress.

So as I said this chakra relates to speech and we will explore more about the first of these four misdeeds related to speech, as Lama Marut puts it is........

4. Don't lie - tell the truth.
I mentioned I was tempted to lie, or give someone an impression different from the one I have, when I feel bad about having something that someone else doesn't have.

Another time I am tempted to lie is when I don't want to hurt people's feelings by telling the truth. It's not good karmically to hurt another's feeling or to lie so what do we do? We employ skilful means which is an artful dance between the two.
 
Lama Marut reminds us we can be creative about finding something which is truthfully positive to say about something we don't like, to avoid hurting someone's feelings. His example of how to respond to 'how do you like my purple polka dot, polyester dress from K-mart?' question sticks in my mind. I can hear him saying 'you can always find something nice to say about the damned dress’. His suggestions include 'It fits well' or 'I like the purple colour' or even 'you got it for a great price'. Checking into our wise selves for what to say is always helpful.

Lama Marut tell us that under some very rare circumstances lying to protect the welfare of another person it is ok to lie. The example he gives is when hiding Jews from the Gestapo. He tells us there will still be a karmic consequence for telling a lie, regardless of the fact that it has a good intention. However, the karmic consequences for telling a lie under these circumstances will be minor when compared to being a party to someone's harm or death. 

Sometimes we all find it tricky to tell the truth and think telling a fib or white lie will be best to avoid embarrassment or implication.  A silly example I can remember as a kid is - 'It wasn't me!.... who farted, took the last lolly, or left the mess', when I knew it was me.

Remembering that each time we tell a lie, no matter how so called small, we are creating the karmic causes for perceiving that others do not believe or trust us and that others are lying to us, helps me to try and always be truthful.
Consequently telling the truth will see us experiencing others as truthful and people believing and trusting us.  

Remembering too we are human and at times we will behave in ways which are not truthful. When this happens rather than using blame or victimisation of self and others, we can take responsibility for our misbehaviour and do our 5 forces practice to make amends and create peace of mind. Forgiving ourselves and others and being kind and encouraging to all with our speech is the way to go!

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

Having covered the misdeeds related to the body. We are up to the first of the misdeeds related to speech. So a quick misdeed of the body review .......

1. Don’t kill - Protect and honour life 
2. Don’t steal – Treat other people’s things with respect and practice generosity.
3. Don’t hurt others with your sexual activity – Respect and foster others’ relationships.  

So, now to the first of the four misdeeds related to our speech, (Number 4 of our list of ten). In yoga these relate to our throat chakra or vishuddhi. In Pom yoga we do a chakra based practice clearing out the ignorant energy at the different chakras and getting the energy of wisdom flowing freely, so we know what to say to whom and when. At vishuddhi I always remind myself to let go of any unhelpful speech, speech which is NOT.....

• truthful, 
• inclusive 
• kind
• meaningful

I also remind myself to check in with my wise self before I speak for speech which is truthful, inclusive, kind and meaningful. I also try to be aware of my internal speech and check in with my wise self to replace any untrue, critical or unkind thoughts with positive kind encouraging ones. A fun work in progress.
So as I said this chakra relates to speech and the four misdeeds related to speech. The first of these four as Lama Marut puts it is........

4. Don't lie - tell the truth.
I can be thankful to my Mother for instilling this into me as a child and throughout my life. Honesty was her big thing and she certainly had no hesitation in calling us out when were not being entirely truthful. Being dishonest can get us in lots of strife as I was reminded by watching "Brigette Jones Baby" and the 'who was the father debacle?' she got herself into! And the ‘liar, liar pants on fire’ saying. 

However, it was Lama Marut who helped me to really understand what it means to lie. He says 'lying means giving someone an impression different from the one that you have.'  This definition means that if we think something is one way and we give a different representation of the situation to someone else then we are lying. 

I was thinking about this, this morning when I caught myself about to give a different impression to what I was experiencing. I have remained in Townsville this week and plan to spend some time writing, reading, relaxing and exercising. The truth is it is so beautiful here and I am having a lovely relaxing time and am not bothered by the heat and humidity.  What I was about to tell my friend who is in cold Melbourne going through a tricky time was that it was hot, steamy and uncomfortable.

When I questioned myself as to why I was tempted to lie, I thought it was probably about feeling a little guilty about being where I love. I am reminded of something I heard Lama Marut teach. My understanding of it goes something like this - Just because you have something (a lovely relaxing recharge) does not mean that you are preventing someone else from having it. So, I have decided to be grateful for this break and to enjoy it. And to dedicate my happiness and good fortune to be here to the happiness of others. 

By giving someone a false impression of what is really going on for us we are imprinting our consciousness negatively. The karmic consequence of lying is that we will have the perception of being lied to by others. In addition, we will experience others not believing us even when we are telling the truth. Reminiscent of the story of the 'Boy who cried wolf'.

Remember not to give yourself a hard time and to instead make your speech to yourself and others truthful, kind and encouraging! Remember also when we slip up we have the five forces and forgiving ourselves and others. We'll explore more about this first misdeed of speech next blog. 

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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This fortnights blog explores the third of our misdeeds related to the body. As Lama Marut puts it....
Don't hurt others with your sexual activity - Respect and foster others' relationships.
I love Lama Marut's take on the ten precepts. He tells us that they give us a handbook for life, the rules of the game, that can allow us to avoid major undesirable future worries and create the causes for contentment and peace. 

Before we look at this precept I wanted to revisit the 5 Forces (last blog we added a fifth force to our 'Four Forces Practice', REJOICING in our goodness) and forgiveness as a recompense that can transform our misdeeds. 

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary and this has got me thinking about the regret I have over the resentment I have built up over so many years. I'm sure those of you who know me would have had your ears bashed with my complaints! I am truly sorry. I think I have done a lot of suppressing of this resentment over the years and lots of inappropriate expression of it too. Now I am not giving myself a hard time over this because at the time I didn't know that suppressing these emotion was so unhelpful. I now know (when I remember!) to allow and accept these emotions and check in with my wise self for what I need to do. 

It seems an apt time to I write about applying this 5 forces to my past resentment. So here we go.....

Refuge 
I certainly take refuge in my understanding that creating resentment is no good for anyone, especially me.

Regret
I certainly regret doing this. But I  have compassion for both myself and others too  - we were doing our best with what we knew at the time. 

Restraint
More recently I have become more aware of my resentful and controlling, fixing behaviour and have been making attempts to restrain from doing it (still a work in progress). I try to restrain from nagging, trying to 'fix' things and giving unsolicited advice (because of course I know what he should do! Not!). It may have been appropriate when my kids were growing up, but now its not. Its time to let them live as they want and need to, without interference, unless of course advice is asked for.   Through learning to be more accepting of myself and my humanness I can be more accepting of others and allow them to be who they need to be. I have also been making attempts to understand and express my own needs and understand others needs too, and then let go of expectation. Lots of fun to be had here.

Recompense
The recompense, or make-up activity that comes to mind is forgiveness. Forgiveness for all including me. 
Forgiveness is a very powerful recompense helping us to remove fear and bitterness. As Nelson Mandela says 'Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon'. Forgiving others for past hurt liberates us, clears our conscience and creates peace of mind.
We  are all doing our best with what we know at the time.  As Maya Angelou says 'Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better'. I am in the process of apologising for my resentful, fixing behaviour and non-acceptance, forgiving others and myself too! I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time as well.  
Forgiveness is an ongoing practice, continually doing it for others and ourselves for all sort of things is so helpful. 

Rejoicing 
This involves rejoicing in or being really happy about having done this practice and to have followed through with the recompense make-up activity. So I'm rejoicing now!  Im celebrating letting stuff go, forgiving and doing my best to be aware of not creating future resentment. In Buddhism there is a lovely practice of rejoicing in the good we have done in the world and giving it away or dedicating it to the happiness of others. 

Another thing I find really helpful to do, is to stop telling myself old stories. These usually involve never and always. An example of a story I have stopped telling is "X is always disorganised". When I let go of this story and treat every meeting with X like its a new start I can meet, allow and accept them as they are now and interact free of that old story. 

I've run out of time and don't want to make this blog too long so we'll take a look at the third of these misdeeds related to the body next blog. 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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Last blog we explored the first of ten 'misdeeds' of the body. Lama Marut succinctly puts this first one as ....... 
1.  Don't kill/Protect and honour life  
He says that these ten precepts give us a handbook for life, the rules of the game, that can allow us to avoid major undesirable future worries and create the causes for contentment and peace.

This is because of karma. Put simply, karma or causality can be thought of as 'what goes around comes around'. So, if we put positive deeds of body, speech and mind out in the world we will create the perception of seeing them come back to us. And the converse is also true, when we perform misdeeds these too will boomerang back to us. When we understand this we are more motivated to let these ten guidelines guide our behaviour to create the life we want.

This first one is all about practicing non-violence, not killing or physically harming others, including ourselves.  What is important is our intention to practice non-harm, respecting and caring for the lives of others as best we can. But as we know this is not always possible even despite our best intentions and we slip up. We are all human and make 'so called' mistakes. 

A practice that really helps me when I slip up and create harm is the 'Four Forces' purification or conscious clearing practice. I am often tempted to bash myself up or feel guilty when I do harm or any other misdeed. This is creating more harm and is certainly not kind to myself or others! So, Instead I find it really useful to do a 'Four Forces' on the misdeed. So a little recap on the practice, as best as  understand it .......
1. Refuge
Go for refuge in your understanding of karma, 'what goes around comes around'. So if I do harm, harm will come back to me at some time in the future. (unless I do a Four Forces purification')
2. Regret
Truly Regret doing that particular harm, understanding it has hurt others and you. 
3. Restraint
Decide on a realistic time frame you can refrain from doing this particular harm. 
4. Recompense
This is a make up activity you plan to do to make amends. This can involve an apology or an action you decide on to make amends for what you have done. You are your own judge and jury so you get to decide what is appropriate to do and whether to involve the other person or just leave it to your mind.

A really powerful example of this practice related to harm was a story I heard many years ago. I will try and recall it as best I can. There was a Tibetan Buddhist living and working in the USA. He was drafted into the army during the Vietnam war. He practiced these precepts and wanted to honour not killing and honouring and protecting life, which was very difficult under the circumstances. During his time in Vietnam he had fired shots into scrub and while not being sure he had killed anyone, this remained a possibility in his mind, which troubled him greatly. When he returned home his teacher gave him this creative use of this practice.
1. Refuge
He certainly understood that 'what goes around comes around' and wanted to make amends for possibly killing people.
2. Regret 
He certainly regretted any possible harm he could have caused 
3. Restraint
He felt he could restrain from taking life for the rest of his life.
4. Recompense
His 'make-up' activity was to take care of the life of a sheep for its natural life. So he cared for a sheep in his suburban backyard until it passed away of old age. 
Having done this he had cleared any negative consequences of possible killing.

Now of course maybe we don't have to be so elaborate or big with our recompense. Something meaningful and appropriate to you is all that is required. Once this make up activity is done you can have a clear conscience and peace of mind. A long time ago I wrote a blog about doing this practice in relation to a driving misdeed when I cut someone off in traffic. I went for refuge in my understanding of the consequences, I regretted it, I thought I could restrain for the whole of the car trip and my make up activity was to let someone into the traffic. Although the opportunity to do this took til I was nearly home, once done I could relax with a clear conscience.  

We'll take a look at the second of these misdeeds related to the body next blog. 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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As I explored last blogs saying ‘no’ or at least doing our best to minimise can help us live a more intentional and meaningful lives and prevent us from being distracted from what is best for us. Joshua Becker puts this so well when he says 'Minimalism isn't about removing the things you love. It's about removing the things that distract you from the things you love.'
 
So lets look at the last of the ten things I find helpful to say 'no' to or at least minimise!. As I have said being aware of them helps me to keep 'on meaningful purpose' rather than distracted!

1.  Spending money on stuff I don't need, free things and good deals 
2.  Too many social activities and entertainment. 
3.  Keeping up with social media and news
4.  Projects or opportunities I don't fully understand
5.  Unhealthy habits 
6.  Too many words (hence I'll do three at a time over the next blogs)
7.  Negative self talk
8.  Possessions - I have enough 
9.  Digital Clutter and notifications
10.Things that do not align with who I am and my values, likes and dislikes

Let's look at the last two....

9. Digital Clutter and notifications 
As we said last blog removing or reducing visual clutter or physical possessions helps us to be less distracted promoting a sense of peace, reducing our stress and making us more availability for the things that matter.
Related though less of a burden is digital clutter. I find it really helpful to do a digital declutter every so often. Going through my computer and phone to remove unneeded emails, documents and messages, clearing up my desktop and unsubscribing from what is no longer relevant to me frees me up to concentrate on the things that matter. 
I like to be with who I am with and to concentrate on the job at hand without distractions. This is really hard these days as there seems to be an almost constant series of phone beeps, dings and vibrations. I do my best to try to avoid being distracted by my phone and put my attention where and when I am and with whom I am. If you see me distracted, I am happy for you to give me a reminder!

10.  Things that do no align with who I am and my values, likes and dislikes 
Some time ago now I was introduced to the ten Buddhist Precepts. Much like the other tens, the ten commandments and the ten pillars of Islam, they are ethical guidelines which help us to align with our values. I have found them particularly useful reminders on how I want to be living my life.
Here is how I understand them in their negative and positive forms.
The first three relate to action of the BODY. They are........ 
1. Refrain from harm (including to ourselves)
Practice kindness 
2. Refrain from stealing
Practice protecting others property
3. Refrain from disrespecting others relationships  
Practice respecting others relationships
The next 4 relate to SPEECH 
4. Refrain from harsh speech
Practice gentle speech 
5. Refrain from meaningless speech 
Practice meaningful speech
6. Refrain from speech that excludes others
Practice inclusive speech 
7. Refrain from untruthful speech 
Practice truthful speech
The last three relate to the MIND
8. Refrain from being unhappy when others are happy
Practice being happy for others that are happy (or 'pile on to their happiness', as Lama Marut says)
9. Refrain from being happy when others are not happy (have misfortune)
Practice having compassion for others who are suffering
10. Refrain from incorrect world view
Practice applying wisdom and taking responsibility.

I find these great principles to live by. I do my best to uphold them and try not to give myself a hard time when I muck up. We are all practicing!
I will spend some more time elaborating on these in the following blogs.
Related here is staying true to ourselves and not agreeing to do something we feel uncomfortable about, just to please others. Sometimes 'no' is the kindest thing for all concerned if it doesn't feel right. We all have likes and dislikes and it's important to be able to authentically, kindly and appropriately express these free of judgment or wanting to be liked or approved of.  
 
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx
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​As I said last blog saying ‘no’ can help us live a more intentional and meaningful life and help us to take care of ourselves. We need self compassion and courage to do so and this continues to be something I am learning to get better at. As Joshua Becker says 'Minimalism isn't about removing the things you love. It's about removing the things that distract you from the things you love.'
 
Last blog we looked at three of a list of ten things I find helpful to say ‘no’ to or to at least do my best to minimise. As I mentioned these are things that are distractions for me from what would be best to be doing. Being aware of them helps me to keep 'on meaningful purpose'. Your list may look completely different to mine, depending on what values, priorities likes and dislikes are important to you.  
Here is the list of things I find helpful to say 'no' to or at least minimise include....
1.  Spending money on stuff I don't need, free things and good deals 
2.  Too many social activities and entertainment. 
3.  Keeping up with social media and news
4.  Projects or opportunities I don't fully understand
5.  Unhealthy habits 
6.  Too many words (hence I'll do three at a time over the next blogs)
7.  Negative self talk
8.  Possessions - I have enough 
9.  Digital Clutter and notifications
10.Things that do not align with who I am and my values, likes and dislikes

Let's look at the second three.....
4. Projects or opportunities I really don't understand
Sometimes I agree to do things when I really don’t have an appreciation or understanding of what I am taking on. Taking the time to get clear on what you are agreeing so that you can take the time necessary to make an informed decision about whether you have the resources, energy and willingness to do it. And also, whether by doing it you are impacting negatively on our relationships with others.  

5.  Unhealthy habits
Both our everyday and long time habits shape our lives. It is helpful to do a review of our habits and decide which are benefiting us and which are no longer serving us. So I do my best to keep fit with yoga, walks and slow plod like runs. I also try to get plenty of sleep. Early to bed and early to rise works well for me. I also try to do my best to eat well, although I have just eaten fish and chips for dinner! I also try to do as my mother encouraged me to do 'tidy up as you go". My spiritual practice, including a morning gratitude practice, is important so I try to make this a priority. This is a work in progress for me, awareness and self compassion are key. Remembering to check into my wise self for kind encouragement to look after myself and create healthy habits.  

6. Too many words. Harmful speech. 
The amount we talk often depends on our personality and what work we are involved in. It's important to have awareness around the words we use and when we use them. It is a helpful to ask ourselves is our speech ......... 
- timely 
- necessary
- kind and
- true
before we speak .
Also helpful is 'Right Speech' in Buddhism. The 4 elements of 'right speech' are speech that is...... 
- kind 
- inclusive
- meaningful 
- truthful  
Being careful about the words we use - selecting words with the above elements that lift others up, motivate and encourage them is important for meaningful connection. Not using or at least doing our best to minimise words that harm, divide, untruthful, or are meaningless and waste others time is well worth considering. So I think I have said more than enough! Thank you for reading.

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

 

As I said last blog saying ‘no’ can help us live a more intentional and meaningful life and help us to take care of ourselves. We need self compassion and courage to do so and this continues to be something I am learning to get better at. As Joshua Becker says 'Minimalism isn't about removing the things you love. It's about removing the things that distract you from the things you love.'
 
So lets look at the next two of the ten things I find helpful to say 'no' to or at least minimise include. As I have said being aware of them helps me to keep 'on meaningful purpose'

1.  Spending money on stuff I don't need, free things and good deals 
2.  Too many social activities and entertainment. 
3.  Keeping up with social media and news
4.  Projects or opportunities I don't fully understand
5.  Unhealthy habits 
6.  Too many words (hence I'll do three at a time over the next blogs)
7.  Negative self talk
8.  Possessions - I have enough 
9.  Digital Clutter and notifications
10.Things that do not align with who I am and my values, likes and dislikes

Let's look at the next two....

7. Negative self talk
Being aware of our negative self talk curiously questioning its validity and checking in with our wise self for some kind encouraging words is a way to transform those limiting, untrue and unkind thoughts into more helpful, encouraging and truthful ones.
Being aware when we are being our own harsh critic and when we are allowing fear, regret, blame, negativity, worry regarding the future or criticism to dominate our thinking is very helpful. With this awareness we can instead choose to tune into our wise selves to be reminded of some kind and encouraging thoughts to choose instead. This is certainly a continual and very worthwhile practice for me. 

8.  Possessions
Collecting more and more possessions is one area I find very useful to say 'no' to or at least reduce. I am very fortunate to have more than enough of what I need and so I try to resist the temptation to collect more shoes, clothes, books etc. I have found it particularly helpful to actually get rid of stuff that I don't need. It's always a good reminder to go on holidays with just a suitcase worth of possessions to realise how living with what we need is doable and liberating.

Lama Marut taught what he called the contentment mantra which was 'Om I have enough ah hum' This is a particularly useful thing to say to ourselves when we are tempted to buy more stuff. I find it very useful as I am walking down High Street and I see all the new clothes etc. in the shop windows. 

Joshua Becker in addition to taking about the benefits of minimising possession reminds us about reducing visual clutter and visual noise in our lives. He says 'visual noise is any random visual stimulus that draws our attention'. Visual clutter is all the things around us that distract us. As I type this I am looking at my desk which could certainly do with a visual declutter.

Joshua says that minimising visual clutter can be as simple as putting things away when we have finished with them. I am reminded of my mother who always followed this rule, constantly reminding us to pick up after ourselves. Her house was always tidy and clutter free. I was very thankful of her minimalistic lifestyle when it came time to clear out her house. Again this is a work in progress for me, but certainly remains something I aspire to. Again on holidays with fewer things to keep track of, this was much easier. 
In addition Joshua says that this visual decluttering can be as complicated as keeping all the surfaces in our home clear of unneeded items. I love waking up to a clean kitchen with a clear bench. Maybe its time for another declutter of visual clutter in our home.  

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes ,to us all 
Maree xx

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