Small Steps to Replace Fear and Hope with Trust

I have been thinking about trust this fortnight and have been doing my best to consciously replace fear (and hope too) with trust. I understand it may sound a little wacky to not be hopeful, so lets do some exploring.

Many years ago I was reading a book by Pema Chodron which as I understood it, was suggesting to abandon hope! This idea threw me for a loop and I can remember being very resistive even to entertain this idea of abandoning hope. Further contemplation and study have helped me understand that I am replacing hope with acceptance and trust.  It is not only just abandoning hope! That is way too scary!

So, in small ways I have been training myself to trust in preference to hope. These ways include ......
 

• Replacing the word hope with trust.

Instead of saying things like 'I hope you have a  ..... happy birthday, good day, are well or get well soon' I am replacing the word hope with trust and instead saying 'I trust you are well, have a happy birthday etc.'

• Removing the word hope when appropriate!

Instead of saying things like 'I hope you .... enjoy the party, have a great day, or go well in the exam' I am dropping the word hope and and saying 'Have a great day, have fun at the party, go well in the exam, enjoy your holiday etc.' 

For me these small changes feel more powerful, encouraging and positive.

I can take this replacing hope with trust idea a little further by trusting in the divine order of things when stuff happens, especially things that I don't want  As we had been exploring, the idea of  accepting what is - 'It's like this now', and letting go of how I think it should or should not be, is the first step. This radical acceptance of how things are can be difficult enough, even when small things go wrong, but as we know from Byron Catie, arguing with reality, by debating how we think things should or should not be is what causes our suffering! 

So these idea of

• Accepting what is, and letting go of how we think things should or should not be, is liberating  As Pema Chodron says 'resistance to unwanted circumstances has the power to keep those circumstance alive and well for a very long time'
• Instead of hoping for it to be different, accept and trust the way things are, are the way they meant to be. 

I need to do these steps again and again to resist the urge to argue with 'what is' and instead accept it! A couple of weeks ago I was having my usual Friday coffee with my friend Tony. To my amusement he began to sing Que Sera Sera. The words -  'whatever will be will be, the future is not ours to see' - for me implies an acceptance, letting go and trusting the way things are unfolding are the way they are meant to be. This can be very difficult, especially if we want things to be different from how they are or how we hope they will be.

As I often remind myself it is good to start with the small things to help to build up to the more challenging circumstances.  So, practicing with the replacement of hope with trust and dropping of the word hope in greetings is a great start!

I had another small practice situation present recently  when I applied for the position at the boarding house. I found myself hoping for lots of things including, to get  my applications just right, get an interview, to get an email or call each day, and to get the job. Whenever I found myself worrying and hoping that I would hear about the job etc., I tried my best to accept what was happening now (no phone call or email) and to consider my wisest response - which was to let go of worry and trust things were unfolding just as they should. Opening up to wonder and trusting is liberating. I told myself, I would hear when I needed to hear and get the job if it was meant to be. Again and again! 

Often this is very tricky. It is one thing to be learning to trust when minor disappointments  or expectations happen, but what about when major difficulties arise.  These are the times we need to remember to be kind and gentle with ourselves and others. We need to give ourselves and others balanced self care and take the time to heal and seek help if we feel the need. 

So often, I look back at events and am grateful that they did not happen the way I thought they should or hoped they would. In hindsight I can often see they have provided me with just the lessons I needed at the time. Remembering this helps me to let go ad  trust in how things are unfolding. As Pema Chodron says "letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all'.   

In appreciation for you all. Have a great fortnight! 
 
Maree xx

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