The Difference Between Guilt and Regret
The Difference Between Guilt and Regret Do you know the difference between unhelpful guilt and helpful regret? I didn't, and somehow I thought it was nobel to feel guilty and bash myself up with criticism and guilt over unkind things I wished I had not done. Last weeks blog was about approving of ourselves without the need of others' approval. This week we will explore how to approve of ourselves when we have done or said something unkind that we are not happy about. As I said last week it is helpful to think about the intention behind our actions. When my intention has been to be kind I can rest in that regardless of the result. However what about those times when I have not had a kind intention? The times I let those unhelpful habits lead the way and I have been angry, wanted to get someone back, been righteous, judgmental, selfish, unforgiving, critical, etc. I cannot rest in my kind intention then, so what do I do? Feel guilty is not the right answer, although I have done that many times. Feeling guilty is never useful. We have all done things and said things that we wish we hadn't and while it is not useful to ignore these, it is equally unhelpful to berate ourselves because of them. Guilt is just an excuse to bash ourselves up and do nothing about it. Guilt is all about me and what a bad person I am, what a terrible thing I have done etc. How is this of any use to anyone? When we are busy with all that negative self talk we are not available to others as well as destroying our peace of mind, confidence and happiness. So how do we stop this unhelpful habit of thinking? We practice regret instead. With regret we admit we have done something harmful and acknowledged not being happy about having done it. Regret implies the intention to do something to make up for what we have done. When I I have done or said something that I don't feel good about I find it helpful to do these steps instead of indulging in guilt. 1. Admit I have done it
4. Do something to make up for what you regret
1. Admitted it Yes, I certainly did run the yellow light, I could have stopped 2. Regretted it Yes, I regretted making it difficult for the other person and now me. I don't like it when someone does that to me. 3. Make a plan to stop that harmful habit I would be aware of stopping safely when the lights change for the rest of my trip. I could do that. 4. Do something to make up for what I did I decided to take an opportunity to let someone into the traffic. It nearly took me till I got home to do this. But I found someone and was so happy. I could now have a clear conscience. 5. I could forgive myself and others and move on happily You might want to
Maree xx
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