Uplifted, Loved and Appreciated!

Again this blog I am  continuing  to explore empathy, kindness, compassion, LOVE and connection both with ourselves and others. Again I  plan to share giving ourselves the gift of love and appreciation using my favourite self compassion tool - The ABC (Acknowledge/Breathe/Connect) practice. I want to further explore the 'C- connecting with our wise self' to give ourselves the 'Love and Appreciation' that appears to have gone missing'!

As I mentioned last blog my favourite definitions of the word appreciate are 'to raise the value of  something or someone' and 'to be grateful for something or someone'. When we appreciate something or someone, including ourselves, we raise it up, treasure and respect it. We hold it in esteem with gratitude. WE ARE UPLIFTERS!

So, again a summary of the ABC Formula is...........

A - Acknowledge and Accept
Kindly acknowledging and accepting feelings with curiosity (remember curiosity is a form of compassion)
AVOID The task master voice whose judgmental reactions leave no room for understanding, empathy and connection
Be empathic toward the feelings you are experiencing.

B - Breathe (space bar)
Create some space to accept and connect  

C - Connection - with your wise empathic kind encouraging friend. 
Connect with wisdom to give yourself what you need (which is always love!)

As I said last blog my favourite quote from Kim McMillan I think expresses this perfectly - 'When I loved myself enough, I learned to ask 'who in me is feeling this way?' when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad (or unappreciated and unloved!). If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love"
And another quote from Veronica Tugaleva that expresses this same sentiment “What if each time you experienced an emotion, you acknowledged it, accepted it, and became curious about its message for you (instead of trying to make it go away or make it last longer)? Imagine how this could change your life. Imagine how heard, loved, and honoured you would feel if you really listened to yourself. 

This ABC practice allows me to develop self -compassion, to acknowledge and accept my feelings instead of bypassing them and to connect with my wise self for the understanding, appreciation, support and LOVE that I need. So let's explore this Connection with our wise selves further. And lets look at how we can give ourselves the LOVE that appears to have gone missing so we have lots to share with others.   

Some time ago my friend Shadi introduced me to a book Gary Chapman entitled "The 5 Love Languages'. The book Is about learning to express love in, what Gary calls, 5 different languages. The book specifically relates to expressing love in a relationship with a partner. I have enjoyed learning these 5 different ways to express love and how to apply them to my relationship with myself.

So what are these 5 practical ways to express LOVE?
 
1.  Words of Affirmation.
Using kind, encouraging, appreciative words to lift up others and ourselves.
We have explored this lots. It is important to power up our kind encouraging friend voice and not listen to the harsh, critical dialog which is simply not true. Remember to use your name when you are using kind and encouraging self-talk. 
Research has found that one of the factors related to depression is harsh, critical dialog with ourselves. A destructive conversation in our mind about ourselves to ourselves relates to depression. Kind encouraging dialog to ourselves not only uplifts us but others too. 

2.  Act of Service
Doing anything to ease the burden or responsibility or to please out of love and appreciation (and not obligation). 
An act of service I have been doing for myself lately is to take the time to relax, rest and replenish. I have also enjoyed walking, and tidying up after myself. (a work in progress)

3.  Gifts 
Gifting something to show that you care and were thought about.  I bought myself some headphones and downloaded spotify This has made housework such fun and does not annoy others. I also bought myself a track suit or 'leisure suit' to pop on in the evening to remind me to relax and be at leisure!

4.  Physical Touch 
Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety and love. 
Some big self-hugs and back massages in yoga, a warm bath, placing my hand on my heart. 

5.  Quality time
Giving undivided attention. Telling myself I have plenty of time to get this blog out and to prepare for Wednesdays class. Taking the time to connect with myself! 

So lets apply this to feelings of unappreciated .........

A.  Acknowledge and Accept 

B.  Breathe (space bar)

C - Connection - with your wise empathic kind encouraging friend. 
Connect with wisdom to give yourself what you need (which is always LOVE (you can give it to yourself in those 5 practical ways)

It is important to bring  awareness and appreciation regarding why we are doing this particular practice. We are giving ourselves love so that we are available to connect and give to others.
WE are .....
 - Taking responsibility to fill our 'love tanks' so that we have love to share with others. And so we are not scraping the bottom of an empty tank and exhibiting critical spirit and harmful behaviour to ourselves or others
- We are connecting with ourselves and giving ourselves what is needed so that we can be available to connect and share with others . 

So when I am feeling, for example, tired and unappreciated  I (A,B,Connect and Kindly ask  ....What do I need? (to be of benefit). 

1.  Affirmation 
I find this is always the easiest on the go one    
'Good on you M, it was kind and generous of you to do that for them. Well done'.
BINGO - Feeling loved and appreciated with no resentment!

2.  Act of Service 
A well earned rest in my 'leisure suit'

3.  Gift
My leisure suit! 

4.  Physical touch 
A nice warm shower before popping into my leisure suit! 

5.  Quality time 
Some time out relaxing of an evening in my leisure suit! 

When I connect with my wise self to give what is needed I facilitate connection with others, so that I can continue to be there for them too. 

And as we said last blog.....

Remember to love and appreciate yourself for all your efforts, no matter how seemingly small, to be an appreciative, uplifting,  kind, encouraging, friendly force in the world. Remember a smile counts heaps. And remember to appreciate and UPLIFT others too. Keeping an eye out for ways to uplift yourself and others is fun and has a huge ripple affect!

As the quote above says 'Being told you are appreciated is one of the simplest and most uplifting things you can hear'! And if you would like your free washcloth reminder please email us your postal address here.

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx