Worried Sick - How to Stop the Worry Train
Ever board the express worry train to devastation Station? As we discussed in the Stop the Worry Train Blog - I think many of us hop on board unmindfully and let those 'worry' thoughts take us to a stressful unhappy place. As we discussed, stress is activated when we think a thought of separation or worry.
So it is certainly helpful to look at those worry thoughts and how to stop them.
When we are aware of these unhelpful and untrue negative worrying thought habits and make a conscious effort to stop them, we are free to put a helpful new habit in its place. Neuroplasticity, the understanding that the brain is plastic or changeable, allows us to create new neural pathways or 'thought grooves' that are more helpful. With, mindful awareness we are able to stop recreating that unhelpful thought pattern groove over and over and instead create a more helpful one that will reduce our worry and make us happier.
Is there ever a good time to worry?
Short answer is NO. Elkhart Tolle tells us "worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose". Worry is a destructive habit that wastes our energy and gives a message to our subconscious that we expect things to go wrong. When we worry we can't stop thinking about others or ourselves in unhelpful ways. This worry disturbs our present mind and ruins our future peace of mind.
There is never a good time to worry
What can we do about worry?
I was reminded this week of how easy it is to hop aboard the worry train. The end of the year is here and 'swatting' students everywhere. I remembered back to year 11 Physics, which for me was a train wreck. I now understand how this experience taught me a wonderful lesson. I didn't really like physics or my teacher, and while it was tempting to blame the subject, the exam, its content, the teacher or position in a packed timetable, I realise now I was the one responsible for it being a stressful experience. No need to bash myself up though - I was doing my best with what I knew at the time.
I remember the lead up to the final exam - I was a reasonable conscientious student and had certainly put in a fair amount of study but I decided that "I was going to fail the exam, that I hadn't done enough work, I, was too dumb to get it, I was going to freeze when I got the exam, I would be unable to answer any of the questions, it was a disaster, I would fail for sure" and on and on it went. I wound up at 'Station Devastation' a nervous, worried sick, hysterical wreck.
What would that wiser Maree of today offer that worried stress teenager?
Lets add the second 'B' after Breathe - ('Believe Not - those untrue, negative thoughts')
to the Stress ABBCD
Stress A, B, C & D
A. AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my friend stress here to help
B. BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present.
B. BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts.
There are other suggestions about how to Connecting to others for support and to support them and other things that you might like to try in the previous two blog posts on Worry to Wonder. You can read about them.
But, for the moment just work on being aware of the stress response and that first thought of worry (you will know what it is for you, because it will be a familiar soundtrack habit). When you are Aware and hear it - Breathe and don't Believe that thought, Connect with yourself or others and Do from that wise spot.
When that first worrying thought appears.........
Doing our best
Just a quick note on doing your best. We are all doing our best with the resources we have available at the time. Maybe we didn't know it would be best not to board the stress train or maybe we are having difficulty with the subject, getting organised or our motivation. We are still doing our best. Rather than bash ourselves up, we can use these so called 'mistakes', or shortcomings, as a learning experience for doing a 'better best' next time. Maybe next time, we can do our best to be more organised, ask for help and help others.
In the words of Malcolm X "Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today." It is never helpful to condemn others or ourselves either.
Understanding that, our own happiness comes from, seeing ourselves trying to help others and that our unhappiness comes from, worry and stress about ourselves, motivates us to Stop the untrue worry thought train, connect with kindness to help, or to ask for help and to be grateful to others.
So it is certainly helpful to look at those worry thoughts and how to stop them.
When we are aware of these unhelpful and untrue negative worrying thought habits and make a conscious effort to stop them, we are free to put a helpful new habit in its place. Neuroplasticity, the understanding that the brain is plastic or changeable, allows us to create new neural pathways or 'thought grooves' that are more helpful. With, mindful awareness we are able to stop recreating that unhelpful thought pattern groove over and over and instead create a more helpful one that will reduce our worry and make us happier.
Is there ever a good time to worry?
Short answer is NO. Elkhart Tolle tells us "worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose". Worry is a destructive habit that wastes our energy and gives a message to our subconscious that we expect things to go wrong. When we worry we can't stop thinking about others or ourselves in unhelpful ways. This worry disturbs our present mind and ruins our future peace of mind.
There is never a good time to worry
- If you can do something about it, then do that and don't worry
- If you can't do something about it, don't worry.
What can we do about worry?
I was reminded this week of how easy it is to hop aboard the worry train. The end of the year is here and 'swatting' students everywhere. I remembered back to year 11 Physics, which for me was a train wreck. I now understand how this experience taught me a wonderful lesson. I didn't really like physics or my teacher, and while it was tempting to blame the subject, the exam, its content, the teacher or position in a packed timetable, I realise now I was the one responsible for it being a stressful experience. No need to bash myself up though - I was doing my best with what I knew at the time.
I remember the lead up to the final exam - I was a reasonable conscientious student and had certainly put in a fair amount of study but I decided that "I was going to fail the exam, that I hadn't done enough work, I, was too dumb to get it, I was going to freeze when I got the exam, I would be unable to answer any of the questions, it was a disaster, I would fail for sure" and on and on it went. I wound up at 'Station Devastation' a nervous, worried sick, hysterical wreck.
What would that wiser Maree of today offer that worried stress teenager?
Lets add the second 'B' after Breathe - ('Believe Not - those untrue, negative thoughts')
to the Stress ABBCD
Stress A, B, C & D
A. AWARE - Pounding heart, breath rate increase - here is my friend stress here to help
B. BREATHE - Take 3 deep breaths and come to the present.
B. BELIEVE NOT - Stop & Don't believe those untrue, negative thoughts.
- Don't hop on that negative thought train with thoughts like - 'I always, make mistakes, I'm going to fail, I am so stressed, this is a disaster or I/they haven't done enough work STOP
- These thoughts are not true.
- Catch that first untrue thought and replace it with - 3 breaths and come into the present - 'I am dong my best"
- Remember FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real
- Be that kind encouraging friend. Oxytocin is there to give you a nudge to connect to yourself and others - to reach out to others for help and to help them.
There are other suggestions about how to Connecting to others for support and to support them and other things that you might like to try in the previous two blog posts on Worry to Wonder. You can read about them.
But, for the moment just work on being aware of the stress response and that first thought of worry (you will know what it is for you, because it will be a familiar soundtrack habit). When you are Aware and hear it - Breathe and don't Believe that thought, Connect with yourself or others and Do from that wise spot.
When that first worrying thought appears.........
- A & B - Breathe - do the 3 breaths over again and again if necessary
- Don't believe those worry thoughts - they are untrue
- Replace those negative thoughts with encouraging ones like - I am doing my best, we all make mistakes, I will do my best for those that support me, or I will give it my best shot
- Put your hand on your heart
- Give yourself or others a smile
- Think about what you are grateful for - all those people that have helped and supported you to do your best and give thanks
Doing our best
Just a quick note on doing your best. We are all doing our best with the resources we have available at the time. Maybe we didn't know it would be best not to board the stress train or maybe we are having difficulty with the subject, getting organised or our motivation. We are still doing our best. Rather than bash ourselves up, we can use these so called 'mistakes', or shortcomings, as a learning experience for doing a 'better best' next time. Maybe next time, we can do our best to be more organised, ask for help and help others.
In the words of Malcolm X "Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today." It is never helpful to condemn others or ourselves either.
Understanding that, our own happiness comes from, seeing ourselves trying to help others and that our unhappiness comes from, worry and stress about ourselves, motivates us to Stop the untrue worry thought train, connect with kindness to help, or to ask for help and to be grateful to others.