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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Advices to Help Those Who are Dying!

5/22/2022

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I have had the privilege of being with both my parents during the final stages and end of their lives.  I was grateful of the opportunity to share this time with them. Lama Marut taught some great advices to help with assisting those who are dying. I was very thankful to recall them during this time. I wanted this time to be about sharing stories, feelings, acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude. However, sometimes things don’t quite go the way we want or expect. And sometimes all that is needed is to simply be there. 
 
My Mother was a very pragmatic person who had had many hardships in her life and sadly few tools to deal with them.  She was in her own words ‘black and white’ and was not one for fuss, flowers or fanfare. She made it quite clear that she did not want discuss her eminent death or to receive any expressions of gratitude. She was also reluctant to talk about past memories, even the good ones or to discuss forgiveness. I would get a ‘don’t give me that bullshit’ and an eye roll which told me that was not what she needed. So, instead I did my best to remain a steady peaceful, silent presence and making her physically comfortable where I could.  

She gave me strict guidelines regarding the family getting together in a farewell service. Initially she said I was to say nothing about her, just the Lord’s Prayer. Thankfully she reconsidered to allow one thing to be said about her and the Lord’s Prayer. I made the one thing about family and the fact that her life was meaningful because of what she considered her biggest achievement – her three children, who were good people and she was pleased with that. My Dad was less restrictive and I was thankful for many opportunities to share stories, love, forgiveness and gratitude with him.
 
So Lama Marut’s advices as I understand them are in a nutshell they are……….. 
 
  1. To reassure them that you love and appreciate them 
  2. That you will miss them but you will be ok (this helps them to be able to let go, reassured that you will be ok.) 
  3. To help them to forgive those who have harmed them, including themselves. 
 
I was not able to verbalise these advices with my Mum as she did not want to discuss or hear such things. So, I did these three things as mental practices. I thought them to her, including doing a Tong Len practice - sending love and gratitude on the outbreath and removing suffering on the in-breath. When Mum could no longer talk, I was able to reassure her she had done her best and that we loved her and were all very thankful for what she had done for all of us. And that we would miss her, but because of what she had given us we would be ok. I didn’t carry on too much, as I knew she wouldn’t like that. 

We often do not get to be with loved ones when they are passing away, like when they are taken suddenly. However, we can do our best to practice these things mentally and with others at any time. We can in person or with our minds express our love and appreciation for others, we can forgive them and ourselves and we can be kind, often and lots. 

With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 
Maree xx

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