​When tragedy strikes are you bombarded by a mixture of emotions when tragedy strikes and left feeling confused about how to process them? I am, and the Manchester event gave me an opportunity to think about how to do my best to deal with them in a peaceful and compassionate way.

I opened the paper on Wednesday to see five pages of reporting and photos and everywhere I looked and read I saw sadness, fear and despair. I started reading with a heavy heart, then like a breath of fresh air I read a comment by the Queen. Yes the Queen! I think she is an amazing, inspirational Woman. She said 'The whole nation has been shocked by the death and injury in Manchester last night of so many people, adults and children, who had been enjoying a concert. I would like to express my admiration for the way the people of Manchester have responded, with humanity and compassion to  this act of barbarity.' My heart lifted a little, this act of barbarity, no denying that, but no criticism, blame or fear and rather admiration for the people of Manchester for their humanity and compassion.

So awesome, to think of people joining together to support and care for each other. I stopped reading there and decided to let 'peace begin with me' and do my best to show compassion, humanity and love to all, including myself too!

My next reminder to let peace begin with me and to choose love came in  the form of my friend and yoga student Philip, who is from the north of England. He came with news that an awesome poem 'This is the Place' by Tony Walsh, had been read in Manchester, following the bombing. It is a beautiful celebration of Manchester and its people, their pride, strength, optimism and solidarity, to quote 'this is a  place where we stand strong together, with a smile on our face, Mancunians Forever.' The poem ends with 'Choose Love'. So amazing, no fear, blame, or hatred there either. 

And on my way to Fairfield in the truck on the radio a song by the Youngbloods, 'Get Together', with the lyrics -

Love is but a song to sing
Fears; the way we die
You can make mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird's on the way
And you may not know why

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now.  

So while it is not always possible to help others caught in tragedies such as this, it is possible to choose a response which facilitates compassion, peace and love for all, including ourselves. Instead of reacting with fear, criticism, blame and anger, l was inspired to take the lead of the Queen, Philip, and Tony Walsh and focus on connection and compassion for all. And rather than expect more gloom and doom, anticipate a more peaceful world, where others are connecting together in compassion, support, and love.

I find it interesting to think about different words like expect and anticipate and watch my mind around when and how I use them. For me the word expect can have the qualities of negativity, control, demand disappointment and fear.  As the saying goes 'expectation is disappointment in training.' Anticipation, on the other hand seems to me friendlier, more positive, optimistic and encouraging. Both expectation and anticipation are ways of projecting the mind into the future; with anticipation being the more helpful response for me. So if I can watch my mind around my response to an 'its like this now' situation and instead of expecting things to be a certain way, now and in the future, instead accept the situation and anticipate that things will turn out alright in the end. As my dear optimistic friend Wendy Lee reminds me 'anticipate it will all be alright in the end and if it is not alright, its not the end'.

When I find myself expecting things to be a certain way and going to that fear and blame spot I try to remember to anticipate it will all be alright in the end. More about this next week in the 'Patience Limbo ' post. 

Compassion for the perpetrator of such brutal acts can be really difficult. We often want to blame, criticise and get revenge somehow. This reaction just breeds more anger and fear and does nothing to promote peace or our own peace of mind. I am not suggesting that such acts are somehow ok, as the Queen says, it was a barbaric action. However while acknowledging the horrendous nature of such actions, it is always best to cultivate compassion, love and connection rather than fear and hatred. So, how do we do that when it is really hard? Some things that help me have compassion in these situations include...  

• To try to understand that others who harm are hurting deeply and hurting themselves. I do my best not to judge. Who knows what tragic life circumstance would bring someone to hurt and kill others? 
• Think about the perpetrators of such crimes, being babies, young children and having families and friends that love them. And them being loving toward others too. 
• That the consequences for those who perform such acts is severe. What goes around comes around, so they will suffer deeply. I do not need to inflict more blame and hurt.

Another  beautiful reminder for me is that lovely practice in church where you turn to those around you, take their hand and say 'peace be with you'. 

So, even though it seemed very difficult I decided to do my best to let peace begin with me and choose love.
 
Thank you all once again for your continued support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards, Best Wishes and may Peace begin and be with you
Maree xx ​

​Do you wonder what to do, having used those helpful 'bring ourselves back into the present' tools to connect with the present? It's like this now! Now what!

As we have explored practices to bring us back to the present  and reduce the tendency to worry about the past or what may or may not happen in the future, this blog will look at some helpful responses from that present spot.  

Coming back to the present with the breath, it's like this now or any of the other practices we have been exploring give us the space to respond from a helpful spot rather than react from habit. I find it really useful to think about words like reaction and response. Reactions, to me, are often habitual unhelpful actions, protest, anger, judgment or criticism that lead me to create more pain and suffering. Like when I return criticism with criticism. Response on the other hand, gives the connotation of being more measured, considered and spacious.    

For example when we are criticised it is easy to react from habit and criticise back. However if we are able to breathe and create the space we free ourselves from habit and can respond from a wise spot. So what would a wise response look like? It may be to say nothing or to simply say 'please be kind.' (full stop). When we connect to the present, with wisdom we are less likely to fly off with habitual reactions of protest, judgment or criticism and more likely to respond kindly.

I can vividly remember the first time I noticed how liberating and helpful it was not to react habitually to criticism with criticism.  It was many years ago, in the kitchen at home. One of my teenage sons, was voicing his criticism over the lack of availability of certain foods in our pantry. As I recall I think it was vegemite! My reaction to this was to criticise back and create a whole criticism ping pong match, leaving us both grumpy. This exchange had happened many times before and I had habitually criticised back many times. Interestingly the vegemite jingle goes like this:
 
We are happy little Vegemites, as bright as bright can be,
We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,
Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week,
Because we love our Vegemite, we all adore our Vegemite --
It puts a rose in every cheek!
We're growing stronger every week!

Certainly the lack of vegemite in our house was not making us happy little vegemites and was only putting roses of rage in our cheeks. 

This time however, I remembered how unhelpful this habit was and decided to take 3 mindful breaths instead. This freed me from my habitual criticism back and I was able to feel my criticism button being pushed without reacting. It felt uncomfortable at first, because I was so used to my habitual reaction. However this passed and I felt free to respond from a more helpful spot.

So, what did I say? Actually, I remember I did not feel the need to say anything. And his response was 'sorry mum.' Wow, it worked! And we were both a lot happier. I guess I could have also chosen to say something like 'please be kind' or 'I'm sorry you are so upset'. Coming to the present with the breath freed me of my habitual response. This allowed me to realise I had a choice of how to respond, and could choose to respond with wisdom. 

Maybe you want to have a play with noticing habitual reactions and replacing them with helpful responses. Next week we will explore two more word I find it helpful to distinguish between, expectation and anticipation. 

Have a great week 
Thank you all once again for your continued support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​

​In ''Taking Time to Connect -To The Present' we explored some ways to bring ourselves back into the present and reduce the tendency to worry about the past or what may or may not happen in the future. This blog will look at some more helpful practices from Lama Marut and Cindy Lee, and  Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron, to help bring us back into the present.

As we said last week there is no fear or worry when we bring our mind into the present - where we are now and what is happening now! The only exception is if we are unfortunately in the middle of a disastrous situation. We perpetuate our fear and worry when we go over past events, or worry about the future with scenarios about what may or may not happen. 

Here are some more practices you may find useful to stop this tendency to disconnect and ruin our present state of mind, with worry about the past and future. As I said, they certainly have been of great benefit to me, as the model making mishaps continue. 

3.  It's Like This Now   
When something unwanted happens or when we don't get what we want we can have a tendency to wish it was or wasn't that way. My mind can protest with cries of 'you should not have, said that to me, packed the camping utensils up that way, or it shouldn't be raining on our camping road trip!' Guess what? - it has been said, done and is raining. No amount of me complaining about it or wishing it was different from how it is, is going to help. Though somehow I think it is!! All I am doing is ruining my present and future peace of mind. So what might be a more helpful response? 

I find 'It's like this now' is a very useful thing to say to myself. This reminds me to come to the present, rather than into the past or future with protests about how it should or should not be. So, having reminded myself 'It's like this now' what is my wisest response? And as you might guess it is not to protest about it, to blame or criticise myself or others,  to or worry . Kindness and compassion both to myself and to others is always most helpful. So it is raining on our camping trip! What is my wisest response? And as you might guess it is  not to blame, criticise or protest, but rather accept and enjoy the sound of the rain on the tent, warm and dry in my sleeping bag! The 3D model has come crashing to the ground breaking into pieces! What is my wisest response? Again, it is not to blame, criticise or protest, but rather accept, give a hug and get the glue. 

Another useful thing I like to remember is - worry is never any use. If you can do something about a situation, do it and don't worry, and if you can't do anything about it, don't worry. No worry either way. 

4.  Thich Nhat Hanh - Breath Practice 
Breathing in, I calm my body
Breathing Out, I smile 
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment 
This is another helpful thing we can say to ourselves when we catch our mind going to that unhelpful spot of worry about the past or future. The breath is like our anchor in the present moment and going there can help us not get caught up with fear and worry. I can remember my mother telling me to breath and count to 10 -wise advice to calm down. 
 
5.  'The ABC 3 Breaths' Breathing Practice
Another practice adapted from Pema Chodron, I like to call 'The ABC 3 Breaths' uses the breath to bring us into the present. When our mind goes to that unhelpful reactive spot and we are tempted to protest, blame, criticise or hurt ourselves or others we can do ABC - 
A - Aware of feelings - don't push away or react but allow them
B - Breathe - take 3 mindful breaths (don't speak or act)
C - Connect with loving kindness and respond from that wise spot.

This practice saves me from many unhelpful reactions!! And has been of enormous benefit to me over the past weeks. A word of warning though, being aware of and accepting a particular situation or feeling does not mean we push it away, deny it is there or overindulge it either. We acknowledge it, breathe, and connect to that wise spot instead of reacting from an unhelpful habit. It is never wise to suppress our feelings or overindulge them either. With awareness and acceptance we can work with them skilfully. This practice helps to keep me connected to the present, myself and the other person.  
 
Have a great week 
Thank you all once again for your continued support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​

​What does it mean to be a mother, or to be motherly toward others? We all know what mother means in the traditional sense, however I wanted to expand my understanding of what it means to be a mother or motherly. I looked in the dictionary and in addition to the expected definition of mother as a 'female parent,' I found 'a condition that gives rise to something else.' Interesting, I thought, we are all doing that all the time when we speak, act and think!  We are creating conditions that give rise to other things by how we are in the world. I then went on to look up synonyms for 'motherly' and found words like affectionate, kind, loving, maternal and tender. 

So, as we are all mothers in the creator sense, it is very helpful to be aware of what we are creating with our language, actions and thoughts.

We all have the opportunity to be 'motherly creators' by showing kindness and love to others, no matter who we are or who we are in relationship with. We can be 'motherly' toward our own children, our partners, relatives, friends, pets, strangers or ourselves, whether we are female parents or not. 

I enjoyed thinking about all those inspiring people who show this motherly behaviour to others. Interestingly, Mother Teresa popped into my mind, and into the Post Office. Today as I was at the Post Office counter I met a lovely girl Tara, who was wearing her VCE wincheater, with her nickname 'Mother Taresa' on it. She kindly let me take the photo above. Other inspiring motherly people that came to mind were the Dalai Lama, the tour guide at Mungo National Park, the truckie we met at the pub, my friends who are foster parents, our dog Maggie, and other friends and family, many of whom are not mothers in the traditional sense. Our chickens even popped into my head, along with the memory that I had not let them out of the coup and it was 8.30am. Hopefully they have enjoyed a sleep in! 

So as powerful mothers or creators it is helpful to be aware of the power of kindness, both to others and ourselves. I read recently that the most powerful statement you can ever make, feel, or think is, 'thank you.' So thank you and happy Mother's Day EVERYONE!
THANK YOU

• To all those people in my life who have been motherly toward me, including of course my maternal mother to whom I owe so much, including my life!! But also thank you to friends, family, and strangers too, for all the kindness and love
• To others who give me the opportunity to be 'motherly'; the dog, friends, family, others, and of course my own children. They have provided me with so many wonderful opportunities to share love, compassion, joy and patience. I am so grateful to my family. Being their mum is the best. 

The opportunities to extend this motherly kindness don't always come in the ways I expect, or even want, as happened over the past weeks. And as we have explored in previous blog posts sometimes this 'motherly kindness' can be in the form of strong love with the intention to protect others.

My opportunities to extend this motherly kindness have included writing an essay to my son on his overseas departure, and an amazing opportunity to practice patience over last weekend's, extremely complex and fragile 3D model making project! Fortunately, I am very thankful to my teachers for giving me some very helpful tools, to reduce my stress and worry and to bring me back to the present. One tool I find very useful is the 'It's like this now' reminder - I will share more about this next blog.

My friend Chuck from Singapore once said to me 'Maree, you are like everyone's mother,. I didn't quite know what to make of it at the time, but in reflection I feel extremely honoured, grateful and humbled by this kind  remark. 

Have a Happy Mother's Day EVERYONE and great week 
Thank you all once again for your 'motherly kindness,' support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​

​Do you ever get so busy with work, the family, hobbies, or in your own head that you fail to connect with those around you and your surroundings too? Sometimes I can get so caught up in my own head that I am completely disconnected from where I am and who I am with. And I can do that with activities too, including being on my phone.

Although it is good to be mindfully engaged with whatever we are doing, it is important to balance this with being areful not to lose connection with others. I am writing this to remind myself to take time to connect, in the words of Jim Elliot: "Wherever you are- be all there." And Johnny Cash: "too heavenly minded, no earthly good". 

Eckhart Tolle reminds us the present moment is all we really have. He encourages us to "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have".  But how do we do that?  I am not sure about you but my mind is constantly dwelling in the past or the future, usually with worry about what has happened or may or may not happen. Both the past and the future only exist in the present mind. The past has already been and the future has not yet come, we bring them into the present mind, usually with worry. There is never any use worrying about what has already been and what may or may not happen in the future, but how do we stop ruining our present with such worry?

Fortunately there are some ways to train our mind to be more in the present and less caught up with worry about the past and future. One of my sons is off overseas tomorrow and I have been going to that spot of worry about various possible future scenarios - I have been trying to remember to put helpful practices like these into practice!!! 

I am grateful to many teachers for introducing me to practices that remind me to connect wirh where I am and the changing present moment, instead of worrying. I plan to share these over the next few blog posts. Here are two practices, from Lama Marut and Cindy Lee, that I have found very helpful. You might want to give them go.
 
1. Be Here Now 
This is a useful warm-up practice before meditation or any time really. I use it as part of guided meditation in yoga classes. It involves simply getting in touch with 'where you are' and 'when you are'.

Where you are?
Simply ask - where am I? I can be so caught up with where I was previously or where I am off to next, that I can fail to notice where I am! Ever had the experience of driving somewhere on automatic - thinking about who knows what - arriving there and being surprised at how you got there?

Taking the time to ask yourself this simple question and notice where you are and your surroundings, is very helpful for bringing your mind into the present. What a relief! Unless we are in the middle of a disaster, there is no fear or worry in the present. 

When you are?
The 'when you are' bit is about tuning in to the changing present by noticing the changing...

• Sounds of now - the birds, the traffic, whatever you can hear
• Sensations of now - how the body is feeling - taking time to notice any areas of heat, pressure, tension, the clothes on the body, whatever you can feel. Many of us hold a lot of unconscious tension in our jaw. Tune in and let it go if you find it.
• Smells of now - any smells you can smell just bring awareness to them

The trick is to just tune in and not go on a mind-wandering excursion with the sounds, sensations and smells.
I find this a very useful exercise to bring my mind back to where and when I am - connecting with the present, the ever changing present moment.  It helps to prevent me from being caught up (usually worrying) in those times that do not exist - the past that has already been, and the future that is yet to come. Instead I can bring myself back into the present and realise there is no fear or worry there.

2.  Is this memory useful for me now?
I find this a really helpful question to ask myself when I worry. When my mind goes to the past to dig up an unhelpful memory that will disturb my present state of mind and create future worry as well, I try to remember to ask myself this question. Is this memory useful for me now?

I noticed my mind do this last night when I started to remember and worry about a previous trip my son had overseas. Is this memory useful for me now? NO. So, how can I rewrite it into a more helpful one. Here is my attempt, and what I said to myself last night - 'he is older and wiser now, I will re-share some things he might find helpful and then let go and allow him to learn the lessons he needs to learn'. And instead of tossing and turning I went back off to sleep.

So this morning I sat down to write a letter that ended up a little more like a short story, which I am grateful to say he received graciously. I have truly let the worry go now and am able to send him off on his adventure with optimism and joy.

I am so thankful for all the wonderful wise advice I have received over the years and am also thankful to you all for kindly allowing me to share it with you. Sharing really helps me to remember and be accountable to do my best to practice what I have been so fortunate to have received. I hope you find something of use to you.   

I am so happy with the new pom-melbourne website. Thank you all. 

Have a great week. 
Thank you all once again for your continued support, friendship and generosity.
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​