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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Balancing Work, Rest and Play

7/27/2017

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​Do you take time to look after yourself, to rest your body and soul? I certainly need reminding of this often, as I can have a tendency to get the rest and movement balance a bit out of wack. As Osho says 'Life is a balance between rest and movement.' I was reminded of a rather unbalanced time in my life as a mother of three boys under the age of two. This time was coloured by a few misunderstandings, mainly an over developed sense of responsibility.

I was reminded by a young mother friend of mine, who is juggling two demanding jobs, one as an academic and the other as the mother of a toddler. I was taken back to a similar time in my life, and recalled that unhelpful tendency I can have to slip into the martyrdom role, take way too much responsibility, feel guilty and run myself into the ground. Add to these the unhelpful habits of setting unrealistic expectations of myself and others, negative self-talk and feeling guilty, and not accepting help and I have a wrung out, resentful me, who is not much use to anyone!

As we explored in the guilt verses regret blog, guilt is a destructive habit that undermines our happiness. If instead of feeling guilty I can regret this tendency I had to be overly responsible, 'do it all', set unrealistic expectations and have a reluctance to ask for help or to take time to look after my own health, I can move on to develop more helpful ways to be. 

Thankfully I am less likely to do these things these days thanks to the wonderful teachings I have been able to put into practice.

I learned a very useful lesson over 20 years ago when my boys were toddlers. There was a lot going on in our small house in Prahran, including lots of nappies, oxygen, feeding, washing, cooking, tantrums and not much sleep. So I was pretty exhausted at times.

During this time I had a friend Marilyn who also had six month old twin boys. She kept insisting I needed a cleaning lady and I kept insisting that I didn't and that I could manage things myself. One day there was a knock at the door and standing there was Barbara, Marilyn's cleaning lady. I didn't have the heart to send her away and am very happy I didn't. Barbara has been coming each Wednesday to help me with the cleaning for the past 25 years! 

I am  so grateful to her and to Marilyn too. However, I can vividly remember feeling guilty when Barbara would come, which I now know is never useful. I also unhelpfully thought it was self indulgent, selfish and unnecessary and I needed to justify having help. And of course taking time for oneself can be selfish if it all about me and my need to get away for some 'me time'. However if I am taking the attitude that I am taking time out for a rest and refuel so I can be available to others, all seems ok. I am aware of that feeling when I give and feel like I am scrapping the bottom of an empty well. This quickly leads to resentment, if I don't take the time to fill up my well so I can keep giving to others. So Barbara helps me fill up my well so I can keep giving to my family.

I know when I am overworked and tired I tend to get cranky with myself and others and am not much use to anyone. But, if I am able to take some time out to care for myself I am able to be more available to others and in a much happier, fun headspace. Again that 'better for others' (rather than better than others) analogy. We'll explore this more in the upcoming 'August - Awesome for others' posts 

When I am able to take time to refuel and restore with this wise understanding, there is no need to feel guilty, over responsible or selfish. I can 
  • Be grateful to others for all they do for me, knowing it's helpful for them too
  • Do what I need to do to look after myself so I can be more available to others and easier to be around too
So here are some rebalancing rest or looking after yourself ideas - so you can be more available for others and yourself too.. 
  • Take a 5 minute shavasana rest at least once each day, or a lie in a hammock in the sun or a sit in a chair by the fire  
  • Get a good night's sleep. This is often easier said than done, however we can put some lifestyle conditions in place to assist with this 
  • Meditate 
  • Spend some time in nature 
  • Eat well 
  • Have fun, take time out to do things you enjoy - dance, sing, knit by the fire, go to a footy match, paint, read, go to the movies , catch up with friends 
  • Do physical exercise - walk, run, ride, play sport
  • Watch the negative self-talk and instead be that kind encouraging friend who supports your need to rest and restore. 
You may want to have a play with looking after yourself so you can be more available to others and yourself too. 


Have a great week. Thank you all  
Kind Regards and Best Wishes 
Maree xx ​
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