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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Be The Best Version of Yourself - Everyone Else is Already Taken

2/3/2019

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Do you ever feel you need to somehow be someone you are really not in order to fit in, be approved of or get something you want? Last week I was reminded of the importance of being ourselves (which includes, doing our best to be the best version of ourselves available at the time! Thanks Snoopy!). As Oscar Wilde reminds us "Be yourself, everyone else is taken"  

Someone I know was going through an interview process. Their comment was "It is exhausting being outgoing in interviews". In my perception this person is not an extravert, but is sincere, funny and does their best to be both friendly and kind. I reminded them of the importance of being themselves and that there was no need to pretend to be outgoing because they thought that it was  somehow better or what the interviewer was looking for! Who knows what the interviewer is looking for! And if it is not the authentic you that is fine, there will be someone who wants what you have and for who you are. Imagine if they employed a 'false outgoing you' - they would be disappointed and you would be exhausted trying to maintain an inauthentic version of yourself! And another thing - imagine if we were all extravert - that would be crazy and chaotic!!

This is true of every encounter. If we do our best to be an authentic, truthful version of the best version ourselves we can't go wrong. Put in the wise words of this unknown quote "We are not perfect human beings, not do we have to pretend to be, but it is necessary to be the best version of ourselves we can be " (and I would like to add a better FOR others, rather than the destructive better THAN others, reminder too).
 
And as Thich Nhat Hanh says "To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. you need to accept yourself" This approval and acceptance of oneself reminds me of something very useful I learned many years ago. 'The thirds truism'..... 

This THIRDS truism is .....

I find it easiest to understand this truism related to say a movie. No matter how good most people think a movie is there will always be those who don't like it or feel neutral about. This applies to all things in roughly a thirds ratio. We all have different perceptions of situations, or different lenses, conditioned by our past experiences, through which we see our world. We view life through this subjective lens, so it makes sense that we all have a different perception of the same movie for example. This throws us for a loop sometimes. I was thinking about when our kids were young and I would give some, in my mind, helpful strong advice (with the intention of preventing harm) One might feel it was  a great idea, another a controlling and restricting instruction and another may feel neutral about it. Same advice, three different perceptions!
 
So this relates to us as people liking us too. No matter how we are, roughly one third of people will like us, one third will feel neutral about us and one third will dislike us. So again, it is important to be the best version of ourselves and accept that and stop looking for everyone to approve of us - which is not possible! And as Thich Nhat Hanh says "you don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself!" 

So instead of being hard on yourself and expecting approval and love from everyone and having to be inauthentic to try to get it -Remember to ........
  • remember the thirds truism,
  • rest in your kind intention to do your best to, be the best authentic version of yourself you can,
  • relax,
  • accept yourself and what happens and trust it will work out for the best. And if you think you could do a 'better best' next time, do so without being unkind to yourself  - because you have done the best with what you knew at the time! 

Kind Regards
Maree xx
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