POM - Peace of Mind
  • Home
  • POM Activities
  • About
  • Home
  • POM Activities
  • About

Gratitude is a Super Power!

Picture
Picture
I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


​

Giving Yourself A Refuel Break

12/21/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
Do you ever have some unhelpful ideas around why we need to take a break? I certainly did. As I said last week, when my kids were younger, I did not understand why it was important to take a break. I thought somehow it was noble to do it all without help and that I would be lazy, selfish and irresponsible to take a break (which of course it can be, with an unhelpful understanding). This often led me to feel depleted and resentful with the smell of burning martyr lingering in the air.
 
A definition of a martyr is “a person who pretends to suffer or who exaggerates suffering in order to get praise or sympathy”. I have certainly done that, but now I realize I have a choice.  I don’t need to need to engage in such unhelpful habits – instead I can be authentic and have realistic expectations of others and myself and ask for help when I need it. I can also give myself a break, which is not all about me, and the need for praise or sympathy or the need to escape.  But, instead to look after myself so I can continue to care for others.
 
Instead I can take a break or some time away with the intention to rest and refuel, so I can continue to be able to care for others. A dear friend of mind uses the analogy of a dry well, to describe the feeling we have when we are depleted and unable to give. She says it is like scraping the bottom of a dry well; we have no water to give.  At these times it is important we take the time to fill up our well – not because we deserve it somehow or that we need praise or sympathy or the water all for ourselves, but rather because we have nothing to give to others unless we do.   
  
Of course at times our need to take a break can be selfishly, ‘all about me’ or an excuse to be lazy and not do what we know would be helpful.  Maybe during these times we need to be a little more proactive to get things done, be more ‘other focused’ or take more responsibility for ourselves and not be a drain on others.  But, as we have discussed, at other times it is important to take a break, in order refuel and be able to keep giving to others and to be available to them. 
 
With this ‘other orientated’ focus and understanding, it is neither lazy nor irresponsible to take time out and ask for help too. And it is much more fun as well.
 
A question I like to ask myself is – When is it good to be a little so called irresponsible and lazy? The answer that helps me is – When I need to give to or care for myself, so I can continue to give to others and when I need to let go of unrealistic high expectations and have some fun.  I am no use to anyone if I run myself into the ground in martyrdom, blame and criticize others who are doing their best to help or am a hard task master on myself or others. It is much more fun to let go of unrealistic expectations of others and myself and be that kind encouraging friend to all, including me. We are all doing our best with what we know at the time. 
 
Some ways to give ourselves so we can give to others
  • Give support and encouragement. Be a kind encouraging friend that does not place high unrealistic expectations on others or yourself.
  • Give all, including yourself the understanding that we all make mistakes and that these so called mistakes allow us to learn
  • Give yourself the permission to ask for help, without expectation.  This gives others the opportunity to help and the freedom to say no too.  Remember to do your best to accept their help gratefully without imposing your standards.
  • Give yourself some time out for a rest and refuel so you can continue to care and give to others. Some suggestions include
    • Take a walk in nature
    • Go to the movies
    • Read
    • Sit in the sun
    • Go out for a meal or have take away
    • Take a daily five minute shavasana or lie down (with your lavender eye pillow!!)
    • Take a bath or shower
    • Take a weekend away or holiday 
    • Dance, listen to music…
  • Give yourself the opportunity to connect with and care for others when you are feeling sad, self-absorbed, lazy or selfish. Even though it often feels hard when we feel sad and worried about ourselves to make efforts to connect with and help others, this is the best thing to do for ourselves and is the way to overcome such unhelpful habits. There are many creative ways we can connect to and give to others, as we explored in the  Giving - more about Prescence and less about Presents blog.  As we know the secret or our own happiness lies in doing our best to benefit others. And our unhappiness lies in being self-absorbed. Remembering also, we need to take to time to rest and replenish to continue to do our best to benefit others. 
  • Give Forgiveness to yourself and others.  It is never helpful to harbor ill feelings and resentment about what others or we ourselves have done that has been unkind or hurtful.  Forgiveness is the best thing we can give others and ourselves too.  More about this next week.      
Have fun doing your best to be a giver all year around and remember to include you too, so you can continue to give from that joyful, generous spot. 
Wishing you all a happy, peaceful, safe and healthy Festive Season and New Year.  
Love Maree xx 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Author

    Maree Fowler

    Archives

    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

    Subscribe to our mailing list and receive a free Mindfulness Meditation

    * indicates required

POM - Peace Of Mind.


Hours

Monday - Friday: 9am - 5pm

Email

maree@pom-melbourne.com