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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Good Advice for Achieving any Goal in Life

8/1/2018

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n preparing the 'expression of interest' application to become the proprietor of a cafe and POM shop I have been reminded of some wise advice from Master Shantideva related to achieving any goal in life. 

Master Sharntideva was an 8th Century Indian Buddhist monk and author of the 'Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life', (A text on how to live a good life).This ancient truth is as relevant today as it was, way back then. 

The particular verses that I have found helpful are from Chapter 7, which is on Joyful Effort or Enthusiasm. The verses are....... 
 
Verse 47
Before beginning (any task) take stock of your resources and then decide whether to undertake a project or not. It is better not to begin at all, than quit something you have started

Verse 48
This habit (of not doing what you say you will) extends into future lives. And because of this vice one's suffering increases. Another timely opportunity to act is wasted and what needs to be done is left unaccomplished

These are two verses are for anyone who wants to accomplish any goal in life. They also present a method to build up enthusiasm, self-esteem and healthy pride. 

Let's look at Verse 47 first. Firstly, Master Shantideva is reminding us to consider our resources before committing to a particular project. 
In this consideration it is helpful to .......
1.  Decide if the project or commitment is important to do 
2.  Consider your resources. Resources like time, money, skills, or support
3.  Decide if it is realistic and possible to do
4.  Then, if it is possible - do it!, Come hell or high water! 

Now with regard to the 'hell or high water' - sometimes unforeseen things happen and despite our best efforts or intentions things prevent us from keeping our commitments. Like when the other day I was late for my mother after committing to be on time. I had allowed enough time (though plenty of times in the past I have not!) but there was an accident on the freeway which made me late! 

In the second part of this verse he reminds us it is better not to start something that to quit after having started. This requires us to.... 
1.  Consider the above 4 steps before we commit 
2.  Set realistic goals  

If we set our expectations too high we are setting ourselves up to fail. We feel bad and our self esteem suffers when we constantly fail to meet unrealistic goals, or high expectations.  So that is why it is better not to have started.

Conversely if we set realistic goals and achieve them we can feel good with a healthy sense of self-esteem and pride in our achievements. We also feel enthusiastic about continuing to set and achieve realistic goals.

This consideration of resources in setting realistic goals also avoids the bad habit which is mentioned in Verse 48 - the habit of not doing what you say you will. Master Shantideva reminds us this unhelpful habit causes us to suffer. We see ourselves make commitments both to others and ourselves, we can't or don't intend to keep and we feel bad. As we have discussed this type of behaviour erodes our self esteem. Fortunately these unhelpful habit can be changed. 

When he talks of this extending into future lives, as I am unsure of my belief in future lives, I like to consider the many lives I have had this life. I have had lives as a child, teenager, adult, parent and middle aged person. I carry this unhelpful habit with me throughout all these 'lives'. So time to make my words, both to myself and others, count! And to remember to keep the promises I make to myself and to others.

If in the past you have failed to keep a commitment or lacked perseverance to achieve a particular goal, due to your own lack of understanding or unforeseen circumstances, or you have said 'lets catch up' with no intention of doing so, don't go into guilt mode, but rather take on Master Shartideva's advice and do a better best next time. 

So wether it is setting a goal to exercise, keep you promises to yourself and others, get to tap dancing each week or take on a particular project like running a cafe, remember to....

1. Decide if the goal/commitment is what you want, truthful and realistic (maybe running 5k every day is a bit unrealistic, but a 15 minute run around the block 3 times a week is achievable)
2.  Check your resources - (do I have the time, runners, stamina and can I still run?) 
3.  Commit to do it (except of course when unforeseen circumstances prevent it - reset and get back to it)
4.  Rejoice in achieving every goal, no matter how small

So I am preparing the application with Master Shantideva's wise advice and lots of kind help from friends.  And then I am going to trust that, if it is meant to be, it will be! And if I commit to it I will do my best to follow it through.
 
I am very grateful to you all for sharing with me.   
Have a great fortnight! Gratitude, Kind Regards and Best Wishes, 
Maree xx ​
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