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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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No Need to Compare

7/26/2016

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​Do you ever compare yourself to others? We compare ourselves to friends, online friends, siblings, neighbors, celebrities, workmates, fellow students, anyone.  We compare as fatter, thinner, smarter, funnier, more popular or attractive. I am here on this fabulous retreat with all these amazing people who can sing, dance, and teach yoga, philosophy and more! I have been tempted to compare myself to them and feel inadequate. Fortunately I am aware of the detrimental effect on my happiness and confidence when I compare myself and my qualities, and life with others. My well worn habit of comparing and deciding, ‘I am not good enough’ or to a lesser degree ‘I am better’ is unhelpful, untrue and detrimental to my happiness and confidence.
 
So instead of feeling 'not good enough' I decided to focus on my talents and share them with others – I enjoy service and the home crafts, so I had fun setting up for our graduation party - I enjoyed setting tables, decorating and cleaning up too.  I love writing and shared a story and sang Walzing Matilda with my friend Kate at the open mic. session.  We called ourselves the non-singing singers and had great fun sharing and making others feel happy and appreciative of their singing ability. 
 
The habit of comparing ourselves to others is often a well-established pattern from childhood.  Our school system encourages this competition and comparison through grading and ranking, mostly to help to evaluate effective teaching methods. Also within families there may be a tendency for parents to, often unknowingly, compare their children or for siblings themselves to compare themselves to each other.
  
Many of us are frequently comparing ourselves to others, often unconsciously. As a friend of mine says it is like we are doing accounting in our minds. This comparing can involve focusing on others’ upside and our downside.  It can also be about focusing on others’ downside and our upside in order to try to make ourselves feel better. We can compare ourselves and conclude others are more or less popular, attractive, smart, successful or talented than us.  This comparison can lead us to feel either superior or inferior.  Others are doing the same, to others and maybe even us! Comparing and thinking that others’ lives and attributes are either worse than or better than ours is untrue, destructive to our self-esteem and confidence and a waste of time 
 
We are all certainly unique and have different qualities, talents, interests and experiences that help to shape who we are. We have no need to compare our unique qualities with those of others in an effort to feel superior or inferior.  Doing so, is detrimental to our happiness and confidence. We replace self-doubt with confidence when we focus on our unique strengths, rather than weaknesses or comparing yourself to others and thinking you are better or worse. When we stop comparing ourselves to others we can appreciate our unique qualities and use them to benefit others.  
 
What unique gifts and talents do you have to share to be a positive force in the world?  Maybe you are good at singing, non-singing, dancing, smiling, laughing, cooking, fixing things, maths, doing dishes, listening, painting, art, being a friend, caring for a pet, walking the dog, writing, being kind or woodwork.  There is a friend on this retreat that has one of those infectious laughs - what a beautiful gift she had to bring joy. If you are having trouble thinking of your gifts, ask someone who is close to you.  And you can have fun sharing their positive qualities with them too.  Whatever attributes you have been gifted with, do your best to have fun and share them with others, in order to be of benefit.  This will make you happier more confident, and better for others and not better than others. 

Comparing ourselves to others is an unhelpful habit we can change to promote our own and others confidence and happiness .  With wise understanding we can take control of our lives, stop this comparing and learn more helpful kind ways of thinking to promote confidence and emotional well being. We can learn that these subconscious habits of comparing are untrue and detrimental to our confidence and well-being and how to change them .I would love to explore this further.  Lets share  more in the next two blog posts –
Next week -  Comparing - Who and How?
The following week - Comparing - How Can I Stop?
Want to connect - Get started now by -
Clicking  on the image below to do the free 'Peace of Happiness' three day course 
Visiting  http://www.pom-melbourne.com/courses.html to find out about courses
or Email me so we make a time to have a chat  maree@pom-melbourne.com
Maree xx
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