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Gratitude is a Super Power!

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I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


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Resentment to Joy - 'The I'll Do it Myself' Little Red Hen

9/5/2016

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​Ever ask others for help and no one seems available to assist you? This seems to happen to me a bit, although much less lately. I have not always dealt with this 'lack of help' in the most constructive way and have often found myself in that resentful, "I'll do it myself!' spot.  Time to rewrite that unhelpful story.

I needed to rebuild the chicken coup during the week because of a construction error on our part.  The walls were around the wrong way, which meant every time we closed the hutch door Mabel and myrtle, our chickens were knocked off their perch!!  Some chicken coup remodelling was necessary to make their lives happier.
 
I began asking for assistance and was reminded of the children's story 'The Little Red Hen'.  As I remember the story, the hen need help at various stages of a bread making process. She needed assistance with milling the grain, kneading and baking and no one seemed available to assist her.   I felt just like the little red hen, as everyone I asked was too busy to help me.

The Little Red Hen at each rejection said 'I will do it myself then', In my memory she responded with kindness and cheer with the 'I will do it myself' coming from a helpful spot.  I don't think I can say the same of my building resentment with each help request refusal.  I went to go further into that resentful spot and 'do it myself' with resentment, much huffing and puffing and no joy, when I remembered some useful things. Reinforcing the unhelpful story "no one ever helps, I have to do everything myself', I have been telling myself for years, is never useful. Fortunately I remembered some wise words from Ghandi "In doing something, do it with love or never do it al all" and "Service whisk is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served".  Thank you Ghandi - time to rewrite that unhelpful habit".  
   
As I said last week sometimes we can get so habituated to reinforce a story like 'No one ever helps me', that we don't stop to question the truth of such thoughts or whether they are helping us be happy or ever did!! I know I did it for years.  I now understand how reinforcing these untrue, thought habits makes me unhappy and under confident and unavailable for others. So asking those same questions to rewrite a more helpful story
  1. Awareness: This is the first important step.  We need to be aware of those thought habits and understanding we can change them. I remembered Ghandi's wise words 
  2. Asking ourselves - is this true? Does no one ever help me? Do I always have to do everything myself? NO
  3. Is this thought helpful to me? Is this thought helping me be happier and more available to others?  If the thought is not kind, encouraging and making us available to connect to others chances are it is not helpful to reinforce and relive over and over. 
If I am busy with all the negative self talk I am creating unhappiness, by obsessing negatively about others and myself and I am also not available to others.  Instead, if I get on to rewrite that unhelpful story and do my best to be available to be of benefit to others I feel good, confident and connected to others.  Its lonely and sad in the 'what about me?' head.  

So what did I do?  I decided I could rebuild the coup myself with love and joy and planned a time to do it in the afternoon.  Interestingly that same day a friend kindly offered to help me the next day.  I thanked him and said I would give it a go and call him if i got stuck.  My funny mind was so tempted to go "why can't my family help me?'  STOP - back to those questions.

Also, I was reminded of that stubborn streak in me that can go to martyrdom and denies others the opportunity to help.  So again a balancing act here.  When we kindly offer assistance or gifts  and they are dismissed with comments like - "you shouldn't have done that (kind thing);  or No, I don't need help" it never feels good and denies the other person the opportunity to feel good too.   It is good to give others the opportunity to help, but then let go of the expectation and judgment if they are unable to.

I began the coup dismantling and reassembly in the late afternoon.  It wasn't without its tricky bits, but I remained joyful and worked on.  Mabel and Myrtle were ready for bed before I had finished - I laughed as I placed their final wall in place and screwed it in as they were nestled up in bed.  

So it is fixed now, I am happy to say, without resentment.  I am so pleased to have remembered Ghandi's words and to rewrite that untrue, unhelpful story.  The chickens are happy too, as they are no longer tipping off their perch as we shut the door.  

As I recall at the end of the 'Little Red Hen' story - she doesn't share the bread she has baked 'all by herself'.  Maybe she may have benefited from Ghandis wise words and baked the bread  with love and joy to share with others.  Because, the secret of our own happiness, lies in doing our best to benefit others.  

I am so grateful to those wonderful teachers and friends who have helped me get over negative, unhelpful habits and be a more positive force in the world and to do my best to be of benefit.  


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