POM - Peace of Mind
  • Home
  • POM Activities
  • About
  • Home
  • POM Activities
  • About

Gratitude is a Super Power!

Picture
Picture
I am grateful to be looking at gratitude yet again this blog!
Gratitude is an awesome superpower. I read recently that one of the most powerful statements you can make, feel or think is ‘thank you’. Thank you to others and yourself too.
 
It is so helpful to remember to be thankful to all those people in our lives who have been motherly, kind and caring toward us, including of course our own maternal mothers, to whom we owe so much, including our lives. Remembering to be thankful to friends, family and strangers too for the kindness they show us in all sorts of ways is powerful to promote our happiness and peace of mind. We'll talk more about gratitude for mothering kindness next blog, as it will be Mother's Day weekend. I'll be on board travelling from Canberra to Sydney!
 
It is also great to be thankful to others who give us the opportunity to be kind to them. This includes, friends, family, pets, strangers and of course our children or anyone we care for.

It's great to remember to tune into our wise selves to be kind and thankful to ourselves too. Seeing ourselves be a positive force in the world, being kind and grateful creates a happy perception. We can reinforce this goodness by being thankful to ourselves. We can be grateful to ourselves for doing our best to be a kind, positive force in the world. Remembering also to forgive ourselves and others for all those so called ‘mistakes’, more helpfully known as learning opportunities. 
 
The opportunities to extend kindness do not always come in the ways we expect and sometimes these kind acts are received without thanks. I find it helpful to thank myself, especially during those times like when I have spent a lot of time and effort doing something like making a family meal which is received with 'I don't like this!' Resting in my intention to have prepared a healthy meal and thanking myself helps to prevent resentment. A space I  have known very well. 

Sometimes extending kindness, especially as parents, can be in the form of a strong boundary like ‘please, don’t speak to me like that’, or ‘no, you can’t do that’. Such Kindness always has the intention to protect others from harm.

I can remember the need for such a strong kind boundary many years ago when I needed to enforce the ‘no sleeping with phone rule’ with my then thirteen-year-old. As I was saying goodnight to them, I discovered the phone under their bedclothes. I removed the phone and there was much subsequent protesting.  I needed to check in with my wise self to remember that my intention was to prevent harm and for them to get a good night’s sleep. I was then able to thank myself for being courageously kind, as the protests continued.  
 
More about gratitude and its awesome benefits next blog.
With love, appreciation and very best well wishes to us all 


​

Dealing with Disappointment 

12/1/2015

 
Picture
 We all have times when things do not go as we would have hoped or planned and we are left feeling disappointed, down or disillusioned. These tricky times can be opportunities to learn, grow and develop wise helpful ways to think and be.  When we avoid at the temptation to blame, criticise and push away we can learn to find the blessing that is always there in every situation; the sliver lining in every cloud

Six Things we can learn from our friend disappointment

1.  Empathy and Compassion 
When something unwanted happens to us we can understand how others feel in similar situations. 
​

2.  This will change - I won't always feel sad and disappointed.  .  

3.  Kindness to ourselves and others

4.  Overcoming our pride
When we have things go wrong ourselves we lose that unhelpful prideful feeling that somehow we are better than others because things are going well for us.  This helps us develop empathy for others  

5.  Not to blame ourselves or others  
We all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen.  Being a victim, blaming and criticising ourselves and others in these situations  is never useful.   

6.  Forgiveness  
Being brave enough to apologise and forgive yourself and others is the kindest thing you can do for all. 




With hindsight we can often look back at these challenging times and understand that they were just what we needed.  Although at the time we are often not so sure.  I can look back at  some to the experiences in my life that I thought were disaster, things like failed wedding plans, pregnancy trickiness, premature babies, failing exams and family breakups and realise they were pivotal in shaping me into who I am today.  Sometimes I think if  I had been in charge things would not tuned out so well.  

We can turn these so called 'problems' into opportunities for learning and growth if we welcome them as friends who have a treasure or blessing for us.  When we find the blessing or teaching we have turned a problem into a learning opportunity.  Every cloud has a silver lining; all we need to do is change our unhelpful thinking to find it.  

Disappointment has many things to teach us.  We can feel  disappointed in ourselves, others or a situation that has or has not occurred as we would have hoped.  It can be so tempting to blame others, ourselves or to dismiss the event as 'bad luck'.  When we do this we become  victims and give away our power to learn from the situation.  Instead of blame and victimhood we can take responsibility to KINDLY ask ourselves some helpful questions.  Kind enquiry is important,  it is never helpful to blame and criticise ourselves with negative self talk.  

What can I learn from this?
Ask this question from that confident spot of understanding that you did your best.  We are all doing our best with what we know at the time and we all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen.  I find it helpful to recall what a wise friend of mine says when things don't go as planned  "That can happen".
We can learn from what has happened to practice forgiveness and to do a better best next time.  It is never helpful to be a critical unkind taskmaster to ourselves and others; instead be that kind and encouraging friend to all (including ourselves).  Dust yourself off and do what needs to be done from that kind spot.  

As a mother I sometimes feel I have failed when my adult children do not achieve certain things or have disappointments.  I can feel their so called disappointment or mistake could have been prevented if I, them or others had done things differently leading to blame and criticism of myself and them.  Instead it is much more helpful to understand I have done my best to give them a foundation from which they can spread their wings and learn from their so called 'mistakes' and 'disappointments' without my meddling, trying to control or blame.  I am thankful for the opportunity to do my best to assist them to develop that firm base as they have grown up and to know when is the right time to let go, while still being available for support if and when requested.  

I have recently been involved in a tap dancing concert and during our dress rehearsal when I had to come to the front of the stage I froze and forgot my steps.  This could have been a humiliating, embarrassing disaster or a good chance to have a laugh and provide a laugh for others.  I choose to get my embarrassed self out of the way and have fun.  I went home after the rehearsal to do some practice and will see how things go on opening night.  As my tap teacher Miss Jane says "When ever have we had to get everything right?".  

Have I ever let others down (including myself)?
Again we can ask ourselves this question from a kind spot rather than that critical, blaming one that causes us to engage in that negative self- talk.  When we are able to make this gently enquiry we can take responsibility for times we have let others down or not kept our commitments.  (Remember you were doing the best with what you knew at the time - time now to do things differently).  Be the change you want to see by making realistic commitments you can keep and do your best to keep them.  
​

 Six Things we can learn from our friend disappointment
1.  Empathy and Compassion 
When something unwanted happens to us we can understand how others feel in similar situations. This helps us develop the helpful habit of feeling empathy and compassion for others instead of being unable to understand or relate to their misfortune.  It also helps us understand that maybe the problem we thought was so big may not be such a beg deal.

2.  This will change - I won't always feel sad and disappointed.  
While it is important to acknowledge feeling disappointment and sometimes have a good cry (not for too long though) it is never useful to indulge our negative feelings of gloom and doom.  It is much more helpful to connect with kindness and remember this feeling will pass and to do our best to do what we can to benefit others and ourselves.  

3.  Kindness to ourselves and others
Blame and criticism of ourselves and others is never helpful.  it is never helpful to indulge our negative thought pattern of harm.  Instead practice forgiveness and kindness to all from that spot of understanding  that we all make mistakes, have unwanted things happen and are doing our best to deal with them.

4.  Overcoming our pride
When things are going well for us we can easily become a little smug as we are lulled into a false sense of security that we are protected from misfortune.  This may make us insensitive to the misfortunes of others.  When we have things go wrong ourselves we lose that unhelpful prideful feeling that somehow we are better than others because things are going well for us.  This helps us develop empathy for others.  

5.  Not to blame ourselves or others.  
We all make mistakes and have unwanted things happen.  Being a victim, blaming and criticising ourselves and others in these situations  is never useful.   
'That can happen and even that', things go wrong for all of us.  We are all doing our best at the time with what is available.  Ask yourself - What can I learn from what has happened to allow me to do a better best next time?
Dust yourself off and do what needs to be done from that kind spot.  

6.  Forgiveness 
We all make mistakes, they are the way we learn.  Being brave enough to apologise and forgive yourself and others is the kindest thing you can do for all.  Letting go of resentment, hurt and guilt through forgiveness is liberating.  Guilt is never helpful, it prevents us from moving on and doing what needs to be done.  Regret on the other hand is useful.  We all have things we regret doing.  When we acknowledge these mistakes and have healthy regret we can forgive and move on to wise action to do things differently the next time.

So we can learn many helpful things  from our friend disappointment. Helpful ways to think and respond that will and  promote our confidence, contentment and peace of mind.  

​If you have had some recent events that have left you feeling disappointed and feel you would live to deepen your peace of mind around these and develop new helpful ways of thinking that will leave you looking forward to the new year ahead book in for my Four week 'Worry to Wonder' guided programme   
​

Comments are closed.
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Author

    Maree Fowler

    Archives

    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

    Subscribe to our mailing list and receive a free Mindfulness Meditation

    * indicates required

POM - Peace Of Mind.


Hours

Monday - Friday: 9am - 5pm

Email

maree@pom-melbourne.com